Extreme fear of death

My daughter is 6 years old and acts out at school.  Her great-grandmother died when she was 4.  Although we did not get to visit her often, they were verry close.  There was no funeral when she died and my daughter did not get the oppertunity to say good-bye.  I don't think she really understood what happened to her great-grandma and I think she felt abandoned.  This is when she began to act out in class.  She also began having nightmares.  Recently she told me that she was having nightmares about me dying.  Her father lives quite far away and she is affraid that if I die she will have to leave everyone she loves and live with him.  How can I help reassure her that I am not going to die anytime soon?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Roberta,

It is not likely that you can reassure your daughter any more than you probably already have. She clearly has some anxiety about being left alone, and this anxiety persists even though you are trying to be sensitive to her. Her condition is a variant of separation anxiety disorder.

I think you should make an appointment for her (and you) with a child mental health professional. The clinician can achieve a diagnosis and, more importantly, guide you about how to proceed. It might help if your daughter participated in therapy for a short while; it's hard to say. At the very least, you can receive some guidance specific to your situation.