Fear of death

[Mary]

I am getting ready to have surgery and my five year old is afraid that I will die.  She has asked several times if I will die.  Is it okay to say no?  I don't want to give her answers that may not be true.  The surgery is fairly minor, but complications can happen.  If I tell her that no one knows when they are going to die, she gets really upset.  What is the correct response?

[linde218]

A related discussion, How to help a child with fear of dying? was started.

[Anne]

What sort of parent deliberately scares a child?  That is not a game, that is child abuse.  Do your daughter and son-in-law have some sort of brain deficiency?  Maybe they shouldn't be allowed children, they sound too immature for children.

[Anne]

Please accept my apologies for this comment.  It was intended for another question.  I don't know how I managed to get it on your question instead.  Sorry.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Mary,

In a fairly casual manner, mention that your surgery is a pretty simple matter (not that your daughter will really understand this), and talk with her about the expected recuperation and when she can expect to see you. You needn't get into the specific matter of people not knowing about the timing of death, etc. Hers is a natural fear for a young child.