Aa
Finding three year old son hard
I have four children ranging from ages 20 to the youngest who is three. I have never had any major problems with behaviour with the eldest three. My youngest shouts, hits, throws things and is very rude to everybody!! I try not to make such a big issue out of this and explain to him why certain behaviour is not acceptable. I praise him when he is even trying to be good. He is very clever and articulate so I believe he understands what is being asked of him. He has no problem going to sleep at around 7 at night ( I usually stay with him). He wakes every night sometimes screaming sometimes not. His father and I try to comfort him but he does not want to be touched. He usually asks to go downstairs which I never allow but this does not stop him creating for two hours. I have had a neighbour knocking on my door in the middle of the night before thinking I was hurting him as he can scream so loud. I was devasted! I would never harm my child. I have taken him to the doctor who gave him phenergan to help him sleep and more so to help us but that did not work either. The doctor just said its one of them things Im at my wits end Any suggestions would be appreciated
Thank you. I am concerned for him more. They said he kept trying to lay down at nursery and would not get involved last week. This week however he seems to have got involved and even got a gold star!! He only goes to nursery two days a week. He is going to go five mornings a week after christmas so we will have to see. Thank you all for your advice and here is hoping I can work something out xx
Yes you would get different views that's what we have opinions, even his teachers, there are no specific answers, some do have a TV some do not, its whatever works , some like soft music, story telling before bed, I am that way inclined .I do think in the night the more input and talking from you he gets the more he will want so if you can bare it leaving him to yell may work better and yes thats tough.By doing things with him ie taking him downstairs you are enabling unwittingly the behavior, he knows you will .Ignoring him and taking him back to bed works better , he will soon get it into his head that he has to stay in bed .good luck
Sorry I think you may have understood. I am not punishing him for waking in the night just for unacceptable behaviour in the day. I would never punish him for screaming, crying or waking in the night!! I always keep a low tone and gentle voice with him and give him reassurance throughout even if he does not want me to cradle him. I have taking him downstairs before to see if this helps but in fact makes the situation worse because this stimulates him more and he cries that he is tired and wants to go to bed so I find dealing with him in the bedroom works better. He does not always scream for ages but is awake and screams a lot of the time because he cant do what he wants in the middle of the night. When he does this I will not give into this behaviour. I still remain calm with him and try to convince him that if he goes back to sleep then he will be able to do these things tomorrow. His bed is very comfortable and was quite expensive. I cannot afford to move house and I do not want to make my eldest son homeless. He is looking for a place at the moment so hopefully it is just a matter of time. I spoke to his nursery teachers and they have suggested no television in the room at all. I am having very contradictory views.
Many children get night terrors. Please don't punish them for get night terrors, that is not fair. He is scared of something and I will tell you right now that you are only making it worse.
Not to make things harder, but maybe going to the living room would help him out, and change of scenery. Talk to him in hush tones and make him feel comfortable. I have also read that if you stoke a child's ear that can calm him/her down.
I agree with Diva some weighted blankets, might help. Also someday he is going to want his own space so you might want to consider finding a way to get him his own room.
Not to make things harder, but maybe going to the living room would help him out, and change of scenery. Talk to him in hush tones and make him feel comfortable. I have also read that if you stoke a child's ear that can calm him/her down.
I agree with Diva some weighted blankets, might help. Also someday he is going to want his own space so you might want to consider finding a way to get him his own room.
I love the insightful comments above by Diva and I do think that punishing is no way to go , it does make a situation worse .it becomes ones big battle ..
I would also suggest trying to find a way to not make this traumatizing for him. If he is spending hours screaming and crying that's not a good way to handle it. Punishing him further might make the situation worse. I remember my birth parents doing things like that when I was little and not only was I scared but I remember just how miserable I felt.
Occasionally playing a video on a small tv at night has helped my DD. We also got her a weighted blanket. Sometimes she listens to music in her sleep too. It also helps when the cats crawl into bed with her and keep her company. I think cats like a sleeping child best! lol You could also try getting him a different bed. Maybe he isn't comfortable. His mattress could be too hard or soft. Or maybe he would feel more safe in a loft bed. Eventually it won't work to have him in your room. He'll want his own space. I hope you have plans for when that happens. :)
Occasionally playing a video on a small tv at night has helped my DD. We also got her a weighted blanket. Sometimes she listens to music in her sleep too. It also helps when the cats crawl into bed with her and keep her company. I think cats like a sleeping child best! lol You could also try getting him a different bed. Maybe he isn't comfortable. His mattress could be too hard or soft. Or maybe he would feel more safe in a loft bed. Eventually it won't work to have him in your room. He'll want his own space. I hope you have plans for when that happens. :)
Thank you for explaining the dynamics in the house, I do know from experience that old siblings can be a cause of younger ones acting out,and you do state that the older one do 'bicker' it does sound as if he is copying them .I would also agree with you that taking some privileges may work , No TV ,or something special he would not like missing .It may also be a good thing to address the home dynamics with the rest of the family so you are on the same page .Do the the older ones babysit him or are you around most of the time ?
Thank you all most kindly for your comments.Unfortunately he has to share the same room as us as we have no room to give him his own room. The eldest is a boy and 20 and the middle ones are girls.
I have tried putting him to bed a bit later but I find he seems to wake up more. It seems the more overtired he is, the worse he becomes during the night. He will not take a nap during the day and has not so for about a year.
It is true that some of his behaviour could come from older siblings when they bicker amongst themselves. That is maybe where the rudeness is coming. I do not know where the throwing things and hitting is coming from though.
When he wakes I have tried giving him a drink and sometimes this works. Have even allowed him to watch his favourite dvd and again this works sometimes but rarely.
I have tried time out and sitting him on the naughty step away from any distractions. He is getting now where he goes and sits on it himself which makes me think this is not working.
I must admit I have not tried taking things from him but I will try that. He does not seem to have a favourite toy so will have to think about that one. When I discussed the bad behaviour with my husband we realised it had got extreme and constant when he had been away a week with my brother in law and his wife and family. My youngest daughter 12 went with them also to the seaside and told me she was looking after him most of the time. Maybe he resents us for it. And if so how can I remedy it??
I have tried putting him to bed a bit later but I find he seems to wake up more. It seems the more overtired he is, the worse he becomes during the night. He will not take a nap during the day and has not so for about a year.
It is true that some of his behaviour could come from older siblings when they bicker amongst themselves. That is maybe where the rudeness is coming. I do not know where the throwing things and hitting is coming from though.
When he wakes I have tried giving him a drink and sometimes this works. Have even allowed him to watch his favourite dvd and again this works sometimes but rarely.
I have tried time out and sitting him on the naughty step away from any distractions. He is getting now where he goes and sits on it himself which makes me think this is not working.
I must admit I have not tried taking things from him but I will try that. He does not seem to have a favourite toy so will have to think about that one. When I discussed the bad behaviour with my husband we realised it had got extreme and constant when he had been away a week with my brother in law and his wife and family. My youngest daughter 12 went with them also to the seaside and told me she was looking after him most of the time. Maybe he resents us for it. And if so how can I remedy it??
My DD has been waking up at night from night terrors. She'll stay awake for about 2 hours when this happens. Sometimes we've had some luck by giving her a drink of water and a small snack. We don't want her to start screaming and crying (especially since we live in an apartment) so she is allowed to watch one video.
You may also want to try putting him to bed at 7:30 instead of 7. We moved up her bedtime by half an hour and it has helped a ton!
You may also want to try putting him to bed at 7:30 instead of 7. We moved up her bedtime by half an hour and it has helped a ton!
Hi, isn't it funny how we can have kids with the same mom and dad and they turn out so different?
I have 2 boys and found that the age of 3 was much more difficult than the terrible 2's people talk about.
Okay, so. Fist I'll talk about sleep which sounds like it really compounds problems in your home and frankly, could have something to do with his bad behavior during the day. Tired kids don't always make the best choices. I'd start with actually, what goes on during the day. I would increase whatever physical activity he is getting. I'd make sure he is out running, jumping, crawling (really a calming activity, believe it or not), swinging, kicking soccer balls, swimming, etc. as much as possible. This has a direct link to behavior as these activities actually calm the nervous system. And with a lasting effect, I might add. AND------ they promote good sleep. So, think of how you can increase this in his day. At bed time, I'd have a calming bed time routine that is set. I'd think about the perfect bed time for him and if 7 is it, great. My boys at 3 slept between 11 and 13 hours but I have been told they were terrific sleepers. Some kids of 3 only sleep 10 to 12. And if you are giving him a nap during the day, this has to be factored into how many hours he'll sleep at night as well. So, think about all of that and how you can have a good plan for him.
I would try to start weening him from having you in the room when he goes to sleep. Kids get used to that and then naturally want you when they do what all people do, wake up naturally at night. Most people just go back to sleep but if you are used to Mommy being there, you want her and will call for her. I would take my kids into their room as we did our routine and say, okay, I'll be right back. Mommy has to do something. Then I'd leave for 5 minutes. I'd just pop my head back in and say, just checking on you, mommy will be right back and I'd go off and linger elsewhere in the house. If they got out off bed, I'd immediately take them back and tell them they had to stay in bed. But overall, this worked for me. They didn't really catch on that I wanted them to fall asleep on their own . . . they just thought mom had stuff to do. My kids did start going to sleep on their own this way.
When he wakes at night. I'd really stop responding to it. I'd put a gate on the outside of his door that he'd have to work at stepping over so he was kind of 'stuck' in his room. Or I'd just have some tired nights---- which you do already anyway, and keep walking him back. I'd not engage in any conversation. I would simply walk him back to his bed over and over again.
My son has issues at times with an over active nervous system and we find that 'deep pressure' and weighted objects help him. Especially at night. Something you can do is to have him lay face down on the floor and then place couche pillows and other pillows on him and gently press. I know it sounds wacky, but I learned this in occupational therapy and some kids really respond to it. A weighted blanket or lap pad is also something some kids really find calming. We have both and the lap pad, I just put on his chest (it weighs 3 pounds and you can get them at all different weights).
I love the parenting techniques used by the "love and logic" program. The books are written by Jim Fey and Charles Fey (father and son). They deal with natural consequences. If a child throws a toy for example, you say "Oh. I'm so sorry. Now I have to take the toy." then put that toy somewhere where he can't get it. He has lost the toy because he threw it. If a child is yelling, you say "I can't understand you when you yell. I will talk to you when you use a normal voice". He may flip out, but you ignore it. You only engage him when he is talking normally. I do use the time out method. The psychologist on this site recommends Lynn Clark's book on the subject. I've read it and it is a good one. Keep it simple. You stay calm as well as this helps defuse the situation.
I've also had great luck with using different things to help influence behavior. If my kids aren't doing the right thing, they get a warning. If they continue, they'll lose a favorite item for a brief time. Just the threat of this often works with my kids. The key is to follow through with it in the begining.
Well, good luck. Kids are hard at times. But they do eventually grow up, right? :>)
I have 2 boys and found that the age of 3 was much more difficult than the terrible 2's people talk about.
Okay, so. Fist I'll talk about sleep which sounds like it really compounds problems in your home and frankly, could have something to do with his bad behavior during the day. Tired kids don't always make the best choices. I'd start with actually, what goes on during the day. I would increase whatever physical activity he is getting. I'd make sure he is out running, jumping, crawling (really a calming activity, believe it or not), swinging, kicking soccer balls, swimming, etc. as much as possible. This has a direct link to behavior as these activities actually calm the nervous system. And with a lasting effect, I might add. AND------ they promote good sleep. So, think of how you can increase this in his day. At bed time, I'd have a calming bed time routine that is set. I'd think about the perfect bed time for him and if 7 is it, great. My boys at 3 slept between 11 and 13 hours but I have been told they were terrific sleepers. Some kids of 3 only sleep 10 to 12. And if you are giving him a nap during the day, this has to be factored into how many hours he'll sleep at night as well. So, think about all of that and how you can have a good plan for him.
I would try to start weening him from having you in the room when he goes to sleep. Kids get used to that and then naturally want you when they do what all people do, wake up naturally at night. Most people just go back to sleep but if you are used to Mommy being there, you want her and will call for her. I would take my kids into their room as we did our routine and say, okay, I'll be right back. Mommy has to do something. Then I'd leave for 5 minutes. I'd just pop my head back in and say, just checking on you, mommy will be right back and I'd go off and linger elsewhere in the house. If they got out off bed, I'd immediately take them back and tell them they had to stay in bed. But overall, this worked for me. They didn't really catch on that I wanted them to fall asleep on their own . . . they just thought mom had stuff to do. My kids did start going to sleep on their own this way.
When he wakes at night. I'd really stop responding to it. I'd put a gate on the outside of his door that he'd have to work at stepping over so he was kind of 'stuck' in his room. Or I'd just have some tired nights---- which you do already anyway, and keep walking him back. I'd not engage in any conversation. I would simply walk him back to his bed over and over again.
My son has issues at times with an over active nervous system and we find that 'deep pressure' and weighted objects help him. Especially at night. Something you can do is to have him lay face down on the floor and then place couche pillows and other pillows on him and gently press. I know it sounds wacky, but I learned this in occupational therapy and some kids really respond to it. A weighted blanket or lap pad is also something some kids really find calming. We have both and the lap pad, I just put on his chest (it weighs 3 pounds and you can get them at all different weights).
I love the parenting techniques used by the "love and logic" program. The books are written by Jim Fey and Charles Fey (father and son). They deal with natural consequences. If a child throws a toy for example, you say "Oh. I'm so sorry. Now I have to take the toy." then put that toy somewhere where he can't get it. He has lost the toy because he threw it. If a child is yelling, you say "I can't understand you when you yell. I will talk to you when you use a normal voice". He may flip out, but you ignore it. You only engage him when he is talking normally. I do use the time out method. The psychologist on this site recommends Lynn Clark's book on the subject. I've read it and it is a good one. Keep it simple. You stay calm as well as this helps defuse the situation.
I've also had great luck with using different things to help influence behavior. If my kids aren't doing the right thing, they get a warning. If they continue, they'll lose a favorite item for a brief time. Just the threat of this often works with my kids. The key is to follow through with it in the begining.
Well, good luck. Kids are hard at times. But they do eventually grow up, right? :>)
Is it possible he has learned this behavior how have the other children behaved towards him, is he the only one who is rude throws and shouts and hits,he isnt copying ? do you have time outs for bad behavior it has been shown to work .What triggers an 'episode' what happens just before he has a tantrum ?
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