First Grader not staying on task

Hello, any help here would be great appreciated.  My son is six, and very intelligent.  He reads like you wouldn't believe!  However, when it comes to being in school for almost 7 hours, he gets kind of restless.  I just had a parent/teacher conference, b/c the teacher kept sending home notes, saying"Jacob was disruptful in class today", "Jacob had trouble staying on task", "Jacob did not follow directions", "Jacob made noises continually after being asked to stop".  Both his father and I have had numerous talks with him, but it's almost like he forgets what we talk about.  I try to encourage him, to give him firm, direct commands when I remind him how to act in school.  I try not to give him too much information, b/c I know he'll forget, with everything he has to remember in school as it is.  But, he'll come home with the same notes.

It's important to note that his father and I have been divorced since he was only 6 months old.  So, he knows life this way, with two homes, etc.  But, at my house, he has been quite spoiled, with the guilt of being a single mother, being divorced, not giving him a two-parent household, etc.  But even though his room is so full of toys there's no more room, he is polite and intelligent.  He is an only child, though, and used to all the attention being on him!  He gets along well with other children, but obviously, he likes the focus to be on him.  The other children have started to stay away from him b/c he seems to be a tattle-taler and always worries about everyone else's business but his own.

The teacher says besides Jacob liking to be the center of attention, he is emotionally immature.  He will cry (alligator tears) when he gets frustrated, which he does often, and he doesn't seem to believe in himself, which is funny b/c that's something I try to emphasize with him.  He will say he can't do something before trying it.  I have started to try to get him to help me cook dinner, etc. so he will try new things and see how trying something will help him learn about himself.  I don't know what else to do.  He is intelligent, but his maturity level concerns me.  I don't want him to have to repeat first grade, b/c his academics are there.  The teacher seems to think we should try new things with him at home, but beyond that, she's not much help except to complain.  She;s a bit of a snob!  What can I do to help him?  Thank you!!

[jdtm]

The teacher claims your son has trouble staying on task. is disruptive, doesn't follow instructions, making inappropriate noises, easily frustrated, worries about others, immature and  appears to have a low confidence level.  One question - Does he display any of these characteristics while in the comfort and safety of his home?  We need this information in order to help you.

[jacobis6]

Yes and no.  There are times when he will act silly, make silly noises, etc.  But when I say his name and ask him to stop, he does.  Then if he makes that same noise I just asked him to stop making, he will look directly at me and say"oh, sorry", like he recognizes he didn't obey me.  Again, he is an only child, so I am thinking that the attention he is getting at home, he is not getting in class, b/c there are 15 other children competing for the teacher's attention.  So, if he is getting that attention at home, and not at school...As for the confidence level, yes, he is always afraid to try something new, saying he can;'t do it, without even trying first.  I do have good news, though.  I have decided that I am going to have him help me with dinner and give him more responsibilities around the house.  I believe this will help him realize he is getting bigger, b/c I have to admit, I have continued to "baby" him, doing everything for him and even calling him baby when I talk to him sometimes.   For instance, if he says something and I don't hear him, I will say"What, baby?"  I know it's probably just a term of endearment, but I think subconsciously, it could be making him still feel younger?  And when I did have him help me with dinner the other night, he didn't want to use the can opener, saying it was "too hard" and he didn't want to.  I pretty much made him, putting my hand over top of his.  When he realized how easy it was, he smiled and was like, "oh!"  And that's the way it goes.  He will be afraid to try something, resist for a long time, then finally however I get him to do it, he realizes.  The problem is, when I try to reference one of those times that he realized how easy it was and that he COULD do it, it's almost like he can't recall.  Not that he can't remember, but it would make sense to me that when someone learns a lesson like that, it sticks with them and they use it the next time they feel unsure, right?  Thanks for your response, by the way!

[lisabened2]

I have the same problem with my son...Have you found a way to resolve the problem?lisabened2

[babygirl6152]

Baby him all you want when he is wanting to cuddle and hug and kiss and use the endearments- you are a great mom- but don't do these things when there are tears associated with "not getting his way"
I have been there- I am not sure this will work- I coddled my son since we were divorced too- You have to find a middle ground, and it will be hard since you know you have been to lenient.
Some of what you have done is train him to whine- Don't take any of this wrong please- of course you DID NOT do it on purpose... but you probably play into negativity. Here's a scenario- child will cry- you will ignore it and leave him alone after asking him if he is hurt. he says 'no I just want?)(_)*"

"Oh well maybe when you are 7 we can do that "- and don't ask about his feelings or coddle him or talk about it when he whines just ignore it-
it will involve YOUR replacing one habit with another is all- then let's see if he improves. His teacher will have to get on the same page too. Whining is going to have to be "a voice you cannot hear"- when he cries at school unless he is hurt- he is unconsciously saying "I can control this situation if I do this" Now a guy should be able to cry when he's sad and hurt but the other is very close to a control tantrum. The teacher is getting snotty because you are not communicating probably in anything but short notes back and forth. Get a sitter sit down with her and ask her how she feels tell her not to hold anything back - you do the same- then decide what behaviors will not be acceptable : if he whines you both have to decide and it has to be consistent- no hugs, no attention accept to state 'It will be ok" to the boy and let him whine it out in time out or cool down time.
The fact that he is so smart believe me he will not like this- he may not know what you are doing but he will sense that all of a sudden things don't work like they used to and it will hurt to hear him cry and he will get a bit worse at school till he knows YOU AND THE TEACHER both mean business. Do not compromise the whole thing by giving in- Learn to say "You can do it " or "It will be ok" or "Maybe next time"/

Now what I call loving, others call babying. So most of what you are doing was what I also thought was right and it was the way I handled things as a single mom- he needs LOTS of loving from mom and we can't control dad but he needs lots of attention, affection, and acceptance from a father figure.
I still baby my sons and you know what- I had to discipline them a bit they love me and they are well behaved and they are nice grown up men now. That is what you want I am sure.
School is all about learning "the world does not revolve around me"- in your home- don't let the world revolve around HIS wants momma

Good luck I am here if you need to chat