Five Year Old Boy - Disruptive at Preschool

My five year old is constantly getting into trouble at his preschool/daycare, and I am very worried for him when he starts Kindergarten in the fall.  He is what some would refer to as "strong-willed" and is very opinionated about what he wants to do and not do.  He does not want to listen at school, and would prefer not to do his work when it is work time.  He would much rather play (which seems normal for a 5-year old), but will talk back by telling the teacher no or just ignoring her and doing whatever it is that he would rather do.  He also will hit other children.  This seems to be primarily when angry or frustrated with them.  When he is choosing not to follow directions in school he is very disruptive and distracting to the other students.

Another major issue at school is his bathroom behavior.  About 5-6 months ago we had a problem at home with the toilet and had to "snake" it to remove a clog.  That led to him being terrified that snakes were going to come out of the toilet and get him when he sat down to poop.  He tried to do it standing up and just pointing his butt in the general direction of the toilet.  We thought that the behavior was taken care of as he is no longer doing it at home.  I received a phone call yesterday to inform that they are almost ready to dismiss him from the school because of this continuing behavior.  He is also urinating on the walls and door of the stall, and stuffing the toilet with copious amount of toilet paper.  In general, he is using the bathroom as a play area, and will request to go even though the teachers are sure that he doesn't need to go.  We talked to him, and he freely admitted to the toilet paper problem, but emphatically stated that he did not urinate all over the stall (he does not pee everywhere at home).  After this he repeated playing in the bathroom again today.

We have tried talking to him until we are blue in the face about the repeated behaviors at school, and I am really concerned about kindergarten.  He is very intelligent, so I wonder if he is bored.  A lot of it seems to be a bid for attention, as he is very chatty and a bit of a show-off.  We do have instances when he doesn't listen at home, but is generally well behaved.  We have tried taking toys, tv privileges, outside, time out, etc. but nothing seems to make a lasting change.  I feel sort of out of control of part of the situation because I am not there when it is happening.  Unfortunately, I have to work for financial reasons.  Any ideas to get to the bottom of this would be greatly appreciated.  I am worried that if he is constantly in trouble then he will begin to hate school, and it is just too early in his school career for that.  What can I do to help him succeed?  Thanks in advance for any help! :)

[Natta1980]

Hi


I wonder how much structure they have and whether he is allowed to get away with "doing whatever he wants to". Do they have any type of schedule? Does he refuse to follow the entire schedule, or only certain things? Visual schedules work wonders for children who "want to do their own thing".


good luck