I have twins five year olds who it seems like will only behave with me and their dad. We remind them in the morning before school to make good choices and have a good day and they still have horrible days. I have taken toys, spanked, timeouts had the action and consequence speech and do not know what else to do. It seems they only have problems when they go to school, or with passive friends. Please someone help I am at my wits end trying to deal with this. I am ready to just pull them from school and teach them myself.
They are very young and are making the difficult adjustment to school. Ask the teacher if you can observe them in class. Ask if she would recommend they be evaluated by a behaviour specialist. They are learning new important social skills at school that are much harder for you to teach at home. (Not that I am against home schooling)
All 5 year olds are naughty. I can only imagine that 2 are more naughty than one.
I have asked to observe the class unannounced and was told no. I have observed the class announced and of course there were no problems out of her that day. I did not look at her the entire time I was there. I did not sit next to her or even gesture to her. I did notice that the class is very chaotic. The teacher is very relaxed in discpline actions in my opinion. I noticed that not only her but several children were completely unruly. I have a daycare but by the time I left her class I had a headache for the rest of the day. I do not blame the teacher though for my childs behavior. The teacher is an excellent teacher it seems to me to just be the enviroment of the other children. We have tried to let her know that even though she may see others not doing what they are supposed to she still needs to behave just as mommie and daddie are there. The other one gets so upset at getting in trouble she can't stop crying.
Tired, what behaviors exactly are you talking about?
Your statement that they get in trouble at school, or with "passive" friends. Specifically, what do you mean?
I'm kind of getting an image of a child who will only behave if she's made to, and she is being watched, and she knows it. Is that a fair characterization? It seems like your two twins have turned out with opposite personalities - probably fairly common!
I know exactly how you feel. I also have 5 year old twins and i am losing my mind. I have tried time out, spanking, taking toys non seems to work at all. I know i can't help you,but i just want to tell you, you're not alone and i will pray for both of us. take care
I have five year old twins and I find that the more I seperate them and do one-on-one activities and personal attention, the better. As mothers of twins (I am a twin myself), they starve for individuality and personal attention. If you can, give them separate rooms, seperate classrooms, seperate extra-curricular activities. The problem with twins is they learn from each other - correctly or not. We have to work to be the first to teach them. I try not to shelter them from anything. Take them out and walk them through behaviors you expect in restaurants, stores. Sit and people watch in the mall and have your kids examine situations and get their feedback. Make it so they can spot a situation and know how to behave. My sons will say,"Mom, that boy over there is whining and being bad to his Mom." I say, "What do you think she should do?" "Should you act that way?" "Why is the boy acting that way?" Make them think about the other kids in class and have them tell you if they are behaving the right way - the more you talk to them the better. Have them talk about their classmates and ask them questions. We can do it Moms!!!
Keep reminding yourself twins are unique and you are doing a fab job. Sometimes there are no answers - just keep telling them you love them and maybe rehearse the scenarios that seem to get them into scrapes with different response strategies. Speak to the schools senco - you are entitled to have a visit by educational psychologist who will observe and offer suggestions. Also try linking into TAMBA in your area.
I have 4 yr old identical twins and 6 yr old and regularly get taken aside on preschool collection for discussion of their scrapes and mischief!
If only i could be with them 24/7 but they have to find own way within being an individual and a twin - no wonder the stronger minded and wilful twins struggle! Mine enter into their own parallel universe of sole identity (they each cease to be themselves and become "teddy bear") and then they tell the adult who has had the audacity to expect them to do something they dont want to do them "teddy bear doesnt like you; you are mean; teddy bear is not listening to you anymore etc etc!" Large glass red in the evening can help!!! Reheasal and role play is the key to everything so it becomes second nature to them.
Seriously..??? I read all the way through this thinking I had posted it!?! I have 5 year old twin boys who are really good at home and good with all my familiy and my friends, but when they go to school it is like a totally different side of them comes out. In Kindergarten I am consistently being called to pick up one of them????? They describe what he does, but I don't see the actions at home as they knonw the consequences, but the teachers have no control over them and short of being asked to pull them they have given every other indication that they don't want to deal with my kids.. We have been going to a counselor now, but we are still confused as to what the problem is. If you figure anything else please let me know.. my kids are in seperate classes so I know it is not that they are working together!
Interesting, wonder if being separated into classes is part of the problem?
When is the birthday of your twins (are they young for their age group).
It may be too late to do this during this year, but it would have been a good idea to possibly observe them in class.
Do they get into trouble also on the playground - or is it always in class?
Oh, and I couldn't quite tell, is it just one of the boys that always gets into trouble or is it both of them (equally?)?
And what are they (or he) doing that is so bad that you actually get called to come to school to pick them up?
I have two very close friends with twins and my own boys are close in age at 15 months. We all have the same idea, that seperating our boys for important things like school or on a sports team is key. So that is great that you've seperated them.
Have your boys had any previous school experience such as preschool? I only ask because my older son was very different at school than he was at home. He has sensory issues that are made much worse when he is 'out of his element' or overwhelmed. They also start to require things in kindergarten that can be very frustrating to some kids that find these things challenging. Handwriting is a big one. If a child struggles at all with this, they will often try to avoid it and one way to avoid it is acting out.
I agree completely with Sandman to try to set up some days to observe them individually in class. I spent three days in a row in my son's preschool class so he could get used to me being there and I was heartbroken to see his face on the playground at one point. His eyes looked sad. I realized that his acting out had more to it than just a mischevious boy but rather something more under the surface. I also got to see first hand what the teachers were saying about him because we may have had our issues at home, they were different than at school.
So, try to observe your children as much as possible. Then figure out if there are any trigger points.
Once you have done that, it will be easier to try to help you. good luck
PS : A LOT of kids have a hard time in kindergarten . . . that is a HUGE transitional year.
My 5 year old twin girls are amazing, but have a difficult time focusing on anything other than each other. They've never had behavior "issues" until this year as kindergarteners. I've had to meet with the principal 2 times in a month because they're pretending to be cats, ignoring the bell and running from teachers when it's time to go in :( they're in separate classes.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but have no idea what. I go over rules everyday on the drive to school and feel sad that they're in trouble almost everyday. I'd love ideas and thoughts.
Reading theses posts has really helped ease the feeling of anxiety over the difference in behavior from home and school.
They're both not happy that they're in trouble, but they are like different children at school. I have another meeting with the principal Monday :(
At there age - going over rules - will not help. You have to practice the rules at home. The same thing goes for trying to punish them for what they did at school or on the bus. Consequences/behavioral modification has to be immediate.
There are books aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd that are meant to be read aloud to them and then practiced. You might try "Hands are not for hitting" found here - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775 and further down the page you will see "know and follow rules" and many other good books. http://www.amazon.com/Follow-Rules-Cheri-Meiners-M-Ed/dp/1575421305/ref=pd_sim_b_4
Oh, and is the problem only on the playgrounds? That will be a lot easier to fix.
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.