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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Frequency a three year old can travel
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Frequency a three year old can travel
by daveed, May 12, 2000 12:00AM
I am a separated father of a three year boy and am attempting to maintain a close relationship with him. Mom lives in Toronto and I live in NYC. Currently I am flying up every other weekend to visit, and he has come to my home on occasion. I would like to begin flying up, picking him up and taking him to my home on a regular basis. I feel it is important for him to spend more time with me in my environment and experience life with me, as opposed to me taking him to different friends homes in the Toronto area for the weekend. My son seems very comfortable on the flights and has developed a passion for knowledge with regards to aviation and geography.
My question is with regard to frequency of travel - are there any possible ill effects of a three year old taking a 60 - 90 minute flight once or twice a month? Mom feels that his roots and his experiences should take place in Toronto, not NYC. I think it will only benefit him in the long run, especially since I intend to keep a routine and family rituals which he already enjoys and responds well to. I of course would never expose him to travel if I felt it was unhealthy to his emotional well being, but haven't seen any negative effects during the times he has travelled to be with me.
I look forward to your response.
My question is with regard to frequency of travel - are there any possible ill effects of a three year old taking a 60 - 90 minute flight once or twice a month? Mom feels that his roots and his experiences should take place in Toronto, not NYC. I think it will only benefit him in the long run, especially since I intend to keep a routine and family rituals which he already enjoys and responds well to. I of course would never expose him to travel if I felt it was unhealthy to his emotional well being, but haven't seen any negative effects during the times he has travelled to be with me.
I look forward to your response.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., May 13, 2000 12:00AM
, May 13, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Daveed,
It's clear that you are going to great pains to maintain your relationship with your son, and you are to be commended for this.
A difficult part of divorce for a young child is the dislocation and transitions that have to occur in order to maintain relationships with each parent. As children get older, they can weather the comings and goings better. But at a young age, frequent departures from their 'principal' residence can be difficult, even in the presence of a loving parent.
In light of this, since your son is still pretty young, twice-monthly trips might be too many. A very reasonable plan would be to stay with him in Toronto during one of the weekends, and travel to New York on the other weekend. This would allow him to become more comfortable and familiar with your home, but in a way that wouldn't tax him too much. As he gets a bit older, the twice-monthly trips would be tolerated much better..
While in Toronto, it would be helpful (if it's feasible) not to move around to too many homes - this can be unsettling also. But, it's a less-than-perfect world, and I know it can be difficult to find homes where you can feel welcome on any frequent basis in your circumstances.
It's clear that you are going to great pains to maintain your relationship with your son, and you are to be commended for this.
A difficult part of divorce for a young child is the dislocation and transitions that have to occur in order to maintain relationships with each parent. As children get older, they can weather the comings and goings better. But at a young age, frequent departures from their 'principal' residence can be difficult, even in the presence of a loving parent.
In light of this, since your son is still pretty young, twice-monthly trips might be too many. A very reasonable plan would be to stay with him in Toronto during one of the weekends, and travel to New York on the other weekend. This would allow him to become more comfortable and familiar with your home, but in a way that wouldn't tax him too much. As he gets a bit older, the twice-monthly trips would be tolerated much better..
While in Toronto, it would be helpful (if it's feasible) not to move around to too many homes - this can be unsettling also. But, it's a less-than-perfect world, and I know it can be difficult to find homes where you can feel welcome on any frequent basis in your circumstances.
