Gillian and I

[Bresa]

I am a sigle parent (father) that has recently gotten visitation rights with my 18 month old daughter.  Mother and I are friends and get along well, but are not involved in a personal relationship.  My child experiences seperation anxiety at the normal times such as when I pick her up from her mother's house and when I leave a room and she can't see me.  She sometimes experiences the same anxiety, and demonstrates the same behavior when my friends leave the room.  I have had short-term visitation, with and without mom for about 3 months now with a frequency of approximately 3 times a week.  I am just now beginning to have weekend visits and it seems as though this behavior is getting more pronounced.  She gets to the point of throwing temper tantrums kicking her feet.

How long can I anticipate this going on for?
What can I do to ease the situation for both her and me?
Why does she have fits when my friend who only sees her once every couple weeks leaves her sight?

Please help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There's no way to anticipate how long this might occur. However, separation anxiety at this age is a normal occurrence, even without the built-in separations that result from the custody arrangement. The more equanimity you can display in the face of this the better, and try to be sensitive to the fact that adults coming in and out of her life can pose a challenge for her right now. This will abate in time. Try to avoid unnecessary separations, and of course (there's probably no need to even say this) don't leave her alone except to sleep.