Girl Wants to be a Boy?

[JSass]

I have a 3.5 yr old girl who we adopted from Guatemala when she was 10 months old. I the father am the primary caregiver as her mother has 3 older children 2 that live with this. This is my only child so i like to do the majority of the care. My daughter wishes she was a boy. Everything is of boy intrest. She does play with stuffed animals and loves Elmo. She loves sports, cars, motorcycles, all boy toys even TV shows ect. She does not like dolls or any girly stuff would rather drive her electric jeep and its not a barbie jeep either. You call her a cowgirl she says she is a cowboy. She wants to be fireman, hockey player, cowboy, ect. If she had a choice she would be wearing boys clothes such as Cars, Spiderman ect but does wear girl clothes. Im sure you get the picture. I let her buy the stuff she wants since i have no problem letting her be who she wants to be. My wife has a problem with it as she always tell her these things are for boys and she can not have it. She thinks it will effect her sexual orientation. I think its great as i have the best of both Girl with boy intrests. What direction should we take? Is this normal for some girls? Thanks in advance.

[blanche3308]

I have an 8 year old daughter who told me when she was 3 that she wanted to be a boy.  From that day on she refused to wear pink, flowers, dresses, skirts or hair ribbons.  Her clothes has been an issue because she wants to buy her things in the boys dept.  She also tries to lower her voice when talking and tries to pee standing up!  I know that we have bigger issues here, but am trying to take it day by day.  I let her express herself as much as possible.  I do worry that other kids will start to notice and make fun of her. And of course I would like to be a grandmother one day, although she has told me she will never have children.  There is not a lot of information to help parents who think their child may have been born in the wrong body.  I tend to grasp on anything she says or does that may be somewhat "girlie" and cling to that hope that she will outgrow it.  I do know in my heart my child is different and not sure what the future will hold for her..  Thought I would share my story so that you know that you are not alone.  

[helpmommy621]

I am 32 year old woman, I am happily married and have 3 kids. I am told I did the same thing as a child ( I was a daddys girl, I kept this up until I was about 12) Then I decided I liked being a girl. I have a 2 year old daughter that is a princess one day and a ninja turtle the next. I wouldnt be to worried about it.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You needn't be concerned  about your daughter. While the thinking in our society has changed somewhat, there nonetheless remain pretty entrenched notions of what interests are appropriate for girls or for boys. Really such notions are arbitrary and we  as parents do not have to permit them to dictate our own children's interests. I think you are doing fine allowing your daughter to explore whatever interests she prefers, and if you or your wife object to those interests it unwittingly conveys disapproval to your daughter. There is no need to convey disapproval of these things. Disapproval abount interests conveys to the child that something is 'wrong' with the child, and I'm sure neither you nor your wife want to cnvey that to your daughter.

[Motherto3]

My 4 year old son cried in the shoe store, because I wouldn't let him get the pink Dora sandals with a big flower on them.  He likes to carry a purse, wants to put on make-up, and he begs me to paint his toenails.  Of course, I don't encourage it.  It seems natural.

[gaucho22]

hi, i am a 25 year old male and have a 28 year old sister.  around the age where i started making friends (age 3-6) she began to start wanting to be a boy.  it never stopped.  in fact i am having extreme problems with her now.  my parents never did anything.  my mom is insecure/passive aggressive.  she avoids all issues and has really high blood pressure.  she calls me names all the time.  completely erratic.  my sister is now 'schizophrenic' and has reported to me (though hiding a lot im sure) auditory hallucinations and lots of anxiety.   she also proclaims to be gay and this week she is bi-sexual.  she never learned to be a young lady.  she terrorized me from the age of 5 to present day.  she secretly has gotten involved in all of my relationships.  and so you know, i am not some weirdo...  i am intelligent/self-directed and have lots of friends and have had many sexual (hetero) relationships.  so, i just wanted to say something from my experiences.  my life has been hell b/c of her, well and my parents ignorance of course, and i have found it all started when she wanted to be a boy.  and then after a few years people started to take notice and i always remained loving to her like she is my sister and treated her right.  but that only made her terrorize me more.  whenever we had company over... she would literally stalk me and through things at me, try to humiliate me.  she has physically attacked more times than i can remember and my parents never did anything.  the last time she attacked me was just a year ago or so before one of my best friends funeral as i was walking down the stairs.  living with her was like having to be alert in a war or something.  she would come in my room while i was sleeping and punch me.  she thinks all of my friends are automatically her chums or something.  and like i said she secretly interfers with all of my female 'friends'...  they are all either afraid of her or actually get her and my sister really likes them.  it is really out there.  i hope some of this may influence you to become a better parent.  it can cause more problems than you think... it isnt just about her sexuality.  try the sanity of herself and those around her.  i would say that she should be able to learn to become a young lady.  i would definately say see i child psychologist.  i wish my parents would have been wiser... now i am a fully grown man and i am only now HAVING to deal with her.  then again, some females who are 'tom boys' turn out way different.  maybe i am just a worst case senario.   btw- she has only just begun therapy and she is in her late 20's.  never had a long lasting hetero relationship.  good luck and take care.  if you would like to know any other specific behaviors i would be glad to talk with you.

[elaureat]

My seven year old is the same way. She likes the boy toys, clothes, and etc.  Personally, my daughter is close to both me and her father but somethings she definitely gets from being around him.  She probrably likes the things that you like and likes to imitate you, plus you said your wife is always telling her no because it is for a boy but you her father lets her get either way, so she may be a little closer to you and just like boys things.  My daughter says she likes the boys things because she things they look and are cooler.  My daughter won't even wear a dress.  That doesn't bother me.  I figure it is all apart of life, as she gets older she will probably start to change.  I didn't start wearing dresses and acting "like a girl" until I was in twelth grade.  Go figure.

[Jennyq]

Hi,
My daughter is nearly three and she plays with her train set, trucks and cars all the time.  Whatever toys keep her quiet!

[JSass]

Thanks for all the comments. I have no problem with it. I will let my wife know what you all said.
Thanks Again.

[JSass]

Yes she has a 16 yr old sister. I should mention we run a liscenced daycare so she is around girls and boys from infants to 10 yrs of age. Most are in her age range slit between the # of boys and girls. She just thinks the boys stuff is more intresting.
Thanks for the response.

Joe

[jd1419]

Are your other children boys?  Just curious because if that is all she has around of course she is going to emulate what the boys are doing.  I look at my boys--they love to do boy things but they also love to play in thekitchen cooking and helping clean.  My one little guy likes to put on chapstick like I put on lipstick...they just pick up what the parent they are spending the most time with does.  I would not worry at this point---I would try and get her maybe more exposed to little girls so she can see what they are doing.  But if she likes to keep playing with more boyish toys--who cares as long as she is happy and healthy.  There is nothing wrong with her wanting to be a fireman or any other Male related job..who knows in a few years she may decide that she wants to be a ballerina or a princess and your little tomboy will be gone.

[3rdchild]

She is so young so I don't think you'll get any straight answers from any professional.  You may want to confront a doctor...child psychologist with this question.  Personally it can mean anything...even what we worry most about their sexuality.  The point is hopefully no matter what we will always love them, right?  I used to obsess over not buying my boys pink items or dolls.  I don't know what the right thing to do is.