Giving teen to much freedom

[Rub9il1]

Hello,
As a single father I often feel guilty because when asking my teen for time she complains. She says she has too many friends and that she has no time for me. Her mother is always absent so I feel like if I put too many expectations on her she might rebel. The last thing I want is for my daughter to run away. She has had one boyfriend but to my knowledge she tells me she is being a good girl and not having sex. This summer she has gone camping or to the beach with her friends almost every weekend. She is always on Facebook and on the phone but so far has managed to stay out of harms way. All my female freinds tell me that she is out of control but I dont think so? Your thoughts???

R


This discussion is related to 13 year old, female, lying, poor grades.

[newsie2000]

13 year old!  I think your female friends are probably right.  When I read your post I thought I was reading about a 17 year old.  I hope parents are along on these camping/beach weekends.  Why don't you make freinds with the parents and invite yourself along (none of your gal-pals though)?...or invite some of her freinds camping with the two of you?  There definitely should be time for the two of you.  I suggest a phone/text/facebook "free" time each night for both of you.  Say every evening (or at least 3 or 4 nights a week) preparing dinner, eating and cleaning up.  That would be a good hour or two each night. Cooking together is fun.  You can take turns picking the recipe to try, and also take turns who will be the chef and who will be the assistant chef.  Or just set a time 2 hours every evening of which that time you could make dinner or get take out, no matter how long it takes to make, eat and cleanup there is no rushing the clock, then if there is extra time play cards or something interactive which you can both play and visit.  We play black-jack with my niece who is about your daughter's age and have played it with her since she was about 9 to help her with her math.  She is always the dealer and we never tell her the total of the cards.

[mammo]

She sounds like a typical teen, but there needs to be some shared time with you.  Girls normally don't like to hang out with dad, so if you are having dinner together, communicating well, even grabbing a bite out to eat, you're doing good.  She's old enough for you to tell her how important it is that you and her do a few things together, things she enjoys.  If she tells you she has too many friends, and is too busy on facebook and texting, it may be time to limit some activities.  Does she have any extra curricular ativities at school?  Thirteen is too young to be gone all the time, spending too much time on FB or the phone.  I know this is how teens are today, but discipline is love and she needs to know there are boundaries.  Are there adults there during the camping, and do you verify this or just take her word for it?  School needs to come first and she should have some after school activities to keep her busy.  If her grades are not up to par, limit her weekend activities, FB and phone use until she gets them up to par. She's still young enough for you to get a grip on her and guide her without being overly protective.  Not having her mom around will, if not already, affect her.  You need to know what she is feeling, and keep an open line of communication going.  Don't "not" discipline her because you are afraid she will rebel, she only has you and needs adult guidance.  Get some ideas from your female friends who have teenage girls, they can be a great resource.  Good luck and take care.