GooParent Bad Parent

My 5 year old son is playing both of us!! Since he was 8 months old he's been bounced between homes. I never wanted it this way, but his Dad took me for Custody. So now we shar joint custody. I get him one week and his dad has him one week. I know it's got to be confusing for him and I understand that. Now he's coming to my house and crying most of the day and all night because he wants his Dad. My Ex works the night shift and he eaves for work around 9-10pm. He gets home from work around 8am. My son spends most of his time with his Grandmother instead of his Dad. There's nothing I can do about what goes on over there, but now it's getting worse at my house. He wants to call his dad constantly, and I do let him every now and then because I don't want him to think I'm keeping him from his dad. Then, when it's time for bed he's always stalling and cries so hard that he starts to choke. He wakes up at all hours of the night and comes to wake me up so I can lay with him. His bedtime is between 8-and 8:30 everynight and I either read to him or sing a lullaby. Then I'm out of the room. I know that his Gram has JUST stopped sleeping with him throug the night, but I know that she lays with him until he falls asleep and when he wakes up he crawls into bed with her. I'm just not sure how to handle things at my house. I don't want to be the "Bad Parent". I know that he wants to spend more time with his dad, and when I try to tell him what's going on he just brushes it off like it's no big deal. It's really starting to take a toll on me. I'm not sleeping at night and I actually had to quit my job because I was so worried about my son. I want to be a good mom, but I know that I can't let him have control, I just don'tnow what to do to help the situation. Any suggestions would really help.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The 50/50 custody arrangement is not a good idea for a child so young, and your experience is an instructive example of why it is not a good idea. You are wise to realize that you cannot dictate what occurs in his dad's home. All you can do is focus on your home environment and on exercising good judgement and good parenting instincts while your son is with you. It would help you to locate a child psychologist or other pediatric mental health clincian who can be available to you for guidance. You should meet with that person on a regular basis. If the custody arrangement can be altered, it would be in your son's best interests.