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Grandson's Behavior Problems
My grandson is 2 1/2 years old & has done things that I know are way beyond terrible 2 bahavior. Since he was around 1 or 1 1/2 years old, he has been destructive! It started with him dumping, spilling, knocking over anything that would make a huge mess. For instance, he would take a bag of chips & act like he was going to take some out of the bag, look at you standing right there, & dump the whole bag on the floor. Anything & everything that he gets his hand on is dumped on the floor. This has went on for 1 to 1 1/2 years. We put everything up out of reach now (or so we think) & no matter what he finds SOMETHING to spill! I have been watching him (since he was around 1 1/2) while his Mom & Dad works & by the end of the day I am so exhausted that I neglect my home! We used to take him every weekend (before they both started working) to give my daughter a break & by Sunday afternoon I was ready for him to go home & I'd be totally exhausted! When I started watching him Mon thru Fri from 7:45 to 5:15, I was so worn out that I couldn't take him on the weekends anymore. It was just way too much for me. It's non stop with him. From the time he gets here until the time he leaves he goes from one thing to the other & makes sure that anything & everything that he touches is on the floor. It takes me hours to get my house back to the way it was before he got here even though I clean up after him the whole time he's here. The other day he was here (& this is just one of many instances) & he went into the kitchen, grabbed my glass of pop on the table, took a drink, looked at the full glass & dumped it on the floor, sat the glass back on the table & walked back into the living room. Then while I cleaned that up he went into the living room, pushed everything off of the table (candles & all) & broke one of my candles. Later on I was sitting on the couch holding his little brother (he's 2 months old) he walked over & looked at my glass of pop sitting in front of me & I told him 'no don't touch it'! He looked at me & before I could grab it he slapped it off the table all over the floor! We tried spanking, time out, slapping his hands, putting him in his bed, sitting him down explaining what he's doing is bad, you name it, & NOTHING has worked! I need to know if anyone else is going through (or has went through) a child who does these things. I've told my daughter a million times that this is not normal terrible 2 behavior! There is something wrong with his comprehension or SOMETHING! He is very smart, knows & recognizes his ABC"S, talks in sentences, can even recognize small words (he watches a lot of Super Why) & has since he was about 1 1/2. I'm just at my wits end & don't know what to do! His Dad will be going back to work within a month & I will be watching both of my grandkids & I need help before then. I don't know that I can handle him (& his ways) along with a baby! I don't want to have my daughter put him into daycare for several reasons! 1. I'm scared that he will be mistreated because of his actions (if not right away, in due time) or get kicked out! 2. I'm scared that he will think I don't love him because I'm watching his brother & not him & that he may act out towards his brother! I would love to get some feedback because I would like to watch them both but my sanity as well as my health (I have a pacemaker) can't handle it..Any help would be greatly appreciated! Cheryl
I wanted also to suggest...You say when you clean up one mess he goes and makes another?? I would start making him clean up the messes. No, he probably won't get it completely cleaned but, he is understanding he's going to have to start cleaning up things he does. Just a thought...He could also be acting out for the attention. With a new younger sibling. Any attention he gets he'll take it, even if it's negative.
Thank you for the suggestions. I will try the water things because he loves helping me with dishes (actually....playing in the water) & loves taking showers with his toys & yes he loves to spill out the shampoo, bodywash, anything he can get his hands on. It's funny you should say that because he loves to pour things. Thinking about what you wrote..he tries to pour anything he gets into other things (bowl, cup, whatever). So that is interesting to me. Please read my reply to Sally44 & it explains some of the other things he does. He doesn't hurt other kids to hurt them (anymore than other kids his age ei. pushing them down, taking a toy, etc)..Thank you again for your response!
I thank you for your suggestions & will try some of them. Yes, he talks very well in sentences. He repeats everything he hears from us as well as TV. He also will tell you something & wants you to repeat what he says (if you don't repeat it or understand what he's saying he will continue to say it until you do). He remembers things that you wouldn't even think he would remember. Ex. My nephew had a baby & we went up to the hospital to see them, about 3 weeks later (this past weekend) he was sitting in front of me & we were talking & playing & out of blue, he said "Joe Joe & Tiff had a new baby" & that's just one of many times he has brought up something from awhile ago, out of the blue, without hearing anything about it beforehand. So I don't think that he is autistic because I have read up on that & he just doesn't have the signs. ADHD on the other hand, seems more likely but I'm pretty sure that they can't diagnose kids under 4 or 5. Another thing he does is when he is mad at you (for whatever reason) he will do 1 of 2 things (1) he will totally ignore you no matter what you do, he will turn his head & totally block you out until you pick him up & (what I do) pick him up & jokingly say 'are you ignoring your Mum Mum?' Then he smiles at you! (2) whatever is in his reach goes flying on the floor no matter what it is! Those are his tantrums. He doesn't throw himself on the floor & kick & scream (like I've seen many kids do). Again, thank you for your suggestions!
I wanted to ask what his speech was like. Is he putting sentences together? Does he want to interact with you or does he just wander around the house destroying stuff?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
I wanted to ask what his speech was like. Is he putting sentences together? Does he want to interact with you or does he just wander around the house destroying stuff?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
I wanted to ask what his speech was like. Is he putting sentences together? Does he want to interact with you or does he just wander around the house destroying stuff?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
I wanted to ask what his speech was like. Is he putting sentences together? Does he want to interact with you or does he just wander around the house destroying stuff?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
Does he throw tantrums that seem an over reaction to the thing that triggered them. Do you feel he is doing this behaviour to get attention, or does he just want to tip up stuff and isn't at all interested in your reaction and seems either oblivious to you or appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
At his age he should be becoming more social. How does he interest with other children his own age?
I don't think you can continue as you are because you sound like you aren't coping and are starting to dread it. It think it would be perfectly reasonable for him to start nursery for 2.5 days or mornings etc. It might be good for him. Make sure he is in a good reputable nursery and if they raise concerns with his parents then you should go to your paediatrician and ask that he is referred to a team of professionals that have experience of diagnosing developmental disorders such as autism or ADHD - if that sounds like a possibility.
But for a diagnosis of autism a child needs to have difficulties with language (which can be either speaking it or understanding what is said to them). This is not the same as having a brilliant memory or recognising words at a young age. Many autistic children can read before they start school, but they don't understand what they are reading.
Does he ever repeat what you say to him or repeat words/phrases from TV or DVDs?
Also difficulties with social interaction and playing and a lack of imagination.
There is also a need for routine with changes making the child very upset. The child appears to just want to do what they want to do regardless of everyone and everything else.
If none of the above sounds relevant, then it maybe a phase he is going through and he needs more structure so that he knows what he should be doing. Would he comply if you set up something like drawing/painting or water play etc or would he just go off and do his own thing.
But it is also hard to keep an eye on a toddler when you have a baby to care for as well. Then you can end up dealing with damage limitation ie. cleaning up one mess whilst the child is creating the next one. Are you able to get him out of the house to the park?
Mum - I've seen this fascination with dumping before in children with mild autism. Is that possible? Reading through your post, it sounds like the only thing he does (which I know is irritating) is pour things out.
Is there more to his behavior than pouring things on the floor? (I'm not trying to make light of this, it does sound time-consuming).
But does he have other behaviors that are a concern - purposely trying to hurt other people, throwing more tantrums than normal, sleep disturbances, etc.?
Does he have a lot of opportunities to pour things? With my first, he was FASCINATED with running water so I just pulled a chair up to the sink and let him go at it. Or he could sit near the bathtub and play with the bathtub water. Sand boxes are good for this too, or big boxes of packing peanuts. There are also cool toys that allow kids to play with "waterworks" - you pour the water in the top and it flows down hitting different spinners or opening little sliding doors. Maybe he'd like that?
Best wishes.
Is there more to his behavior than pouring things on the floor? (I'm not trying to make light of this, it does sound time-consuming).
But does he have other behaviors that are a concern - purposely trying to hurt other people, throwing more tantrums than normal, sleep disturbances, etc.?
Does he have a lot of opportunities to pour things? With my first, he was FASCINATED with running water so I just pulled a chair up to the sink and let him go at it. Or he could sit near the bathtub and play with the bathtub water. Sand boxes are good for this too, or big boxes of packing peanuts. There are also cool toys that allow kids to play with "waterworks" - you pour the water in the top and it flows down hitting different spinners or opening little sliding doors. Maybe he'd like that?
Best wishes.
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