HAS MY SON BEEN ABUSED?

[snglma]

I know it appears I am not dealing with stress very well.  Let me tell you about myself.  I am a nurse, I am 23, and a single mom.  I had my career before deciding to have a child.  His father is nowhere in the picture and has only seen him twice.  The stressful thing that is happening with me is that when I got back I came home to a different child.  10 months can change a baby drastically.  When I left he was barely forming sentences, now, he speaks in conversations and has imaginary discussions.  Before I left I was the primary person around my son other than daycare.  He went to live with my father and step mother when i left, and continued at the daycare.In that home is my 13 y/o sister and two young teen foster boys.  In April of this year, my parents told me that his daycare had notified SRS of possible child abuse, of course I was alarmed and stuck in Kuwait with no way to get to my child.  I called and discussed the allegations with my daycare, I called all four of my parents, I called SRS myself.  He had found his penis in this time period and had become very interested in showing it off and playing with it.  The daycare found this alarming because of the amount of time he was spending on it.  Also, he made the comment that he was making lotion while he was rubbing himself.  After hours of crying and trying to figure out the situation, my parents explained to me that after his bath, when he is being lotioned they have him do his own genitals out of propriety.  I asked him on the phone and he denied anyone touching him inappropriately.  SRS never investigated the situation, we all decided it was him reaching out for some form of comfort because he may have felt abandoned that I had left.  ( I left for Iraq in January of 08)  Nothing else notable happened.  Then I came home.  The daycare almost immediately began reporting behavioral incidnets to me.  I was called numerous times, and they stated that my son was showing his penis again, and had even asked two other children at the daycare to suck his penis! Where did my baby get this idea?   I began thinking and he had recently seen my cousin breastfeeding and had been asking me to suck his ninnies and if he could suck mine ever since.  I had a conference with his daycare, and my parents again, and it was not founded that he had been left alone with anyone or that he had seen any adult television.  Now, I have a thirteen year old sister and there are two foster boys of teen age that were around him for months.  As any one well knows, most teenagers do not think about what they say having repercussion and the echo effect in the mind of a toddler.  About a week after the incidnet with the other children at daycare I got a call that my son had been to the potty with a teacher and he told her, look my penis is hard for you, do you want to suck it? I took him out of daycare, quit my job to stay home with him to get to the root of the issue.  I never see this kind of behavior out of him.  He plays with his penis still, but from what I have observed it is  more of a toy.  He calls his testicles bones, and I corrected him now he says tentacles.  He showed me that he could turn them into a bat the other day by spreading them out.  He also pantomined that his penis was a gun.  He doesn't see it as sexual.  I have explained to my son that playing with his penis in front of people is inappropriate and he is allowed to have his own time if i find him doing it.
A couple of times we have found my son with my same age nephew, and my son has been touching and pulling on his penis.  This has happened about three times, and each time my son and nephew were corrected of the inappropriate behavior.  
The clincher. The other day my son was being minded by my uncle.  My niece who is also the same age was there.  My mother showed up and her and my uncle stepped outside to talk.  my son said that he was gonna go to sleep and went in the bedroom with my niece.  My mother and uncle heard my niece crying and upon entering the room saw my sons pants down, my nieces pants down and she was crying.  My cousin the mother of my niece told me later that my niece said my son was touching her vagina.  My mother, when she found the two children, hit my son so hard that he still, four days later, has a handprint bruise on his face and neck.  
My mother, sad to say, won't be seeing my son or talking to me for a long while.  In the meantime my cousin, mother, and grandmother, and uncle, have decided that somehting sexual must have happened to my son in my absence.  My cousin has threatened me three times that she is going to 'turn me in' for ignoring the situation and not getting my son help.  
Frankly, I am appalled.  I QUIT my job to stay home with my two almost three year old to get him on the right track.  I find myself watching his every action sometimes and trying to see if there is anything indicating abuse.  I MEAN, I WATCH EVERYTHING HE DOES AND I ANALYZE IT.  To top that off, I turned the situation into a special investigator to rule out child abuse, or find it, and get help for it.  And I have made appointments with mental health professionals for me andmy child.  
Everyone says I am in denial, but I am a trained professional to look for this kind of thing.  I have also been researching extensively to make sure I know hte signs well.  Who are these people to tell me that I am in denial and not doing what is best for my child? I think I am doing everything I can, and I am not denying anything.  My son is intelligent (very) and curious, and I see nothing outside of that.  



I have been researching this extensively.  Any third party suggestions would be great.  My world with my family is in turmoil right now.  Please help!
If you have any negative things to say, please reserve them for your peers, I have enough negativity and stress on me!

[Jamesmark9]

You are deciding whats best for you and not your child. Your penis is showing.

[momagain59]

I have posted this response on your other post but, I just wanted to share with others incase they didn't see your other post.

"Also, he made the comment that he was making lotion while he was rubbing himself."  This comment alone would make me wonder if he had witnessed someone ejaculate.

"had even asked two other children at the daycare to suck his penis!"  Children do not think up oral sex on their own. How would he know that he would like this?

"look my penis is hard for you, do you want to suck it?" This sounds like something that he has heard before. Why would he say it was hard for anyone?

"He calls his testicles bones" I have heard guys call it a bone when they are hard.

I hate to be the one to tell you but I would suspect some kind of sexual exposure at the least. He knows too much. Believe me, kids do not always answer questions honestly when it comes to abuse. Please do not give up. Something has happened somewhere with someone. Keep and open mind. I would get your son into individual therapy for a long time. It will take him awhile before he opens up about what happened. He needs to learn to be appropriate around others so he can be safe. I would not let him out of sight with another child.

Please give him lots of hugs and reassure him that you love him and will always be there. Somehow these little kids that have been abused decide that it was their fault and that they are the bad guy. It sounds like you are doing a great job trying to sort all of this out. Don't worry about your cousin, she is probaly reacting out of her emotions and that is never a good idea.

[babyprayers]

I am a nurse as well. WHile I feel some of his behavior is normal exploration, I do not feel that saying :my penis is hard for you etc.. is normal, while you are trained to look for signs of abuse perhaps you should bring him to a pediatric specialist, they have ways of getting things out of children that have happened. your mom slapping him is Unacceptable!! I wish you all the best..  

[kayakka]

Whilst your son's behaviour is disturbing, I think people push the alarm bell and run around in circles screaming 'abuse!' at the top of their lungs like headless chickens. This situation calls for calm heads and i'm pleased to see you have one. This type of behaviour CAN be an indicator of  abuse but not necessarily. Two of my daughters were abused by my neighbour over period of time, and showed NO such behaviour (the guy is behind bars now) You are right in that the reaction can be worse for him than the action. I can absolutely feel for you having the bony finger pointed at you. As a parent you feel responsible, and you are, but you need support from those around you, not accusation. Are there any positive male role models in his life?

[margypops]

Our last posts crossed each other, I am so sorry that you have all this concern but reading your post I would say it is a justified concern as your son does seem to be displaying more sexuality than he would for his age, it was unforgivable your Mom hit him like that ,and it actually showed that possibly she was aware of something so may people have been around him whilst while you are away, too many it seems , it is time for the 2 of you to take a break from them It may be a good idea with the Family involved to ask for some help in unravelling it all, can you see a counsellor who may be able to give you some further ideas . I also think it is time to not let him hear any more about it, ignore the behavior he does to himself but if he is outside with other children be vigilent and keep him with you, you are home now it is time you were able to take control of his life. It wont hurt to take a break from Family ,,Focus on the positive things now and get him interested in Sports and Games and outside activities, he has been through enough and whilst it was good you served, it is now time for him .