HELP!!!!MY 4YR OLD NEVER LISTENS AND MY 3 YR OLD ISN'T POTTY TRAINED.

HI EVERYONE,
I NEED SOME HELP OR ADVICE, MY DAUGHTER WHO IS 4 SOON WILL BE 5 SHE HAS A LOT OF ATTITUDE AND WHEN IT COMES TO LISTENING SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO. IF I GET UPSET WITH HER FOR NOT LISTENING SHE AUTOMATICALLY STARTS TO CRY. OK ON TO THE NEXT CHILD HE IS 3 AND IS STARTING HEAD START IN 2 DAYS WELL HE ISN'T FULLY POTTY TRAINED AND HE WEARS DIAPERS AND THE SCHOOL TOLD ME HE ISN'T ALLOWED TO WEAR PAMPERS OR PULL UPS SO I WAS VERY UPSET. MY SON HAS BEEN DELAYED SINCE HE WAS BORN. WE TAKE HIM TO POTTY AND SOMETIMES HE WILL SAY NO I DON'T WANT IT, SO I PUT HIM UNDERWEAR AND SOON AFTER HE PEES IN HIS UNDERWEAR. THIS IS STRESSING ME OUT A LOT CAN ANYONE HELP? THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Re: your older child, it is important that you remain in emotional control, not become emotional (angry, frustrated) - you're the adult and it's important that you act in a mature fashion. For an effective behavior management approach, follow the guidelines in Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents.

Re: your younger son, it's not going to be effective to rush him re: toilet training. Be patient and supportive, not punitive in the approach. Be sure to reward him each time he uses the potty.