I have the same experience.My 9 year old son was the same way last year. He had trouble making friends and it can only get better. He is a hateful, mouthy, argumentive,disrepectful kid at home, and at school he is the total opposite. My son has ADHD. He likes to bully his dad and 2 year old brother. I don't know how many times I have had to hold him down since he was 6 years old. They get angry for the attention alot of the time. I just had to learn myself to have patience with him and love him.
I know what you are going throw . It got so bad It affect our whole family . Mine also started lieing about everything . We give her secound chance to make thing right and does the same thing . It breaks my heart everyday seeing her like this . know a few years ago she was a happy child ..then she change . If you find something that helps her let me know . I hope you have better look with than i have .
Terri
It is making you so upset you are getting physically sick. That to me is an indication that things are really quite extreme for the family in many other directions. Have you tried some family counselling? She can't obviously go on feeling so sad and controlling and miserable. Everyone needs a friend. Have you considered Big Brothers and Sisters organization? They are awesome, she would feel so special having someone that is paying such attention to just her. Your other daughter sounds like a typical teen more into 'self', then reaching out to your youngest.
She is displaying these emotions because of self hate probably, just like anyone walking around friendless. Involving her in a million teams and sports won't do a thing unless she has a friend to share it with. It is important to teach manners and HOW to be a friend.
We all take it for granted that that comes naturally, but really it needs to be taught. And taught young and in school too. All about not just sharing, but when to ALLOW the other person to be who they are without judging them, without bragging, without belittling the other child. Kids need to realize what it takes to LOSE friends as they really have no idea. Withholding information or items can lose friends, being snobby, many things. And how to press through and persevere and allow others to be 'right'. Some kids are 'power-over' and some are 'shy'. Both can be shown how in time to overcome these natural flows and become friend-ly, not anti social.
If you reach out to other parents with kids that have kind of the same situation going on, and get more involved with clubs, and organizations that include children, your child will then feel more included. The more isolated the lone child is , it is usually a reflection of the parent who may not be isolated or alone, but just keep to themselves, or not go out much. The more involved you are, the more involved and social contacts she can come across . Just some thoughts, a child's personality develops so slowly over the years, but if nipped in the bud, she will learn how to be a good friend, and what exactly it takes to keep a friend in a healthy friendship.
Also chores are really good at grounding a child, gives them some room to roar off their feelings in any negative way, and allow you to be the boundary giving parent, without compromise too, as she is seemingly screaming for boundaries, and for strong parental boundary keeping.
Woofy
It's wise at this point to arrange an evaluation with a pediatric menatl health professional (clinical psychologist, clinical social worker, clinical nurse specialist) who can evaluate your daughter and give you some guidance about how to proceed. It is clear that your daughter's situation is beyond a typical childhood behavior problem, and it may indicate the presence of a mood disorder.