Healthy Mother and Son Relationship

I'm dating a single parent of a 17-year old.  The father lives over 1000 miles from them.  My girlfriend and her son have a close relationship.  I've noticed that her son is jealous of the time that I spend with her mother.  She works two jobs to pay the bills.  Consequently she does not have a lot of time to spend with her son or me.  Most of the time that I spend with her is at her house with her son there. We do not spend much time together alone, maybe an occasional lunch date or a date once every two weeks.  Her son does not appear to have any close friends.  He is very dependent on her for companionship.  It seems a little odd to me.  When I was his age, I didn't want to be seen with my folks, I wanted to be with my friends. I'm finding myself asking these questions: 1. Is the relationshiop she has with her son healthy? 2. Is he too dependent on her? 3. Will he be ready to move out when he graduates in a year? 4. Will he be able to live on his own someday?

I'm sure there is no simple solution.  There are many factors to consider.  The long hours she works is probably not real good for one thing.  Secondly, I really do not spend that much time with her.  I just take what she can spare, try to give her some time to herself and her son.  Is it possible for her to balance her time?  What can we do so that her son does not feel jealous of me.  He's a great kid and I want all of us to have a good healthly relationship.

[sosad5306]

First, I want to applaud you for caring enough to make a post!  She is a very lucky woman and consequently, he is a lucky kid!  Some kids are simply just very close to their parents.  As long as he seems mature for his age and isn't having behavioral problems or problems with school, I wouldn't worry.  Seeing as how he is 17, maybe you could all sit down and talk together in a non-confrontational way.  
You sound like a great guy!

[tmv]

They have had just each other, it sounds like. For how long, I don't know. But it is understandingly so that he would be protective of her. She may have to encourage him to have more friends, etc. But if he has been alone while she works, it may have delayed social skills a little. Whereas some parents that have one at home may have kids run in and out all day long. I know with my son, when I am not here, he cannot have any other kids over. Safety reasons. Anyhow, I hope this helps a little as I don't have a direct answer for you. But, I think if you talk to her about it she'll understand. It seems like you truly have the welfare of both of them in mind. Just remember that while you date her you are getting a package deal and he was there first. It can be transitioned gently with communication. Best wishes.

[jamesdean1970]

Actually, I recently learned that he has had some behaviorial problems.  He recently skipped school for two days.  So what does that mean?

[jamesdean1970]

Thanks.

[jamesdean1970]

Thanks.  I don't think alcohol or girls are the external force here.  But I do know he takes a lot of presecription drugs.  I don't know what they are all for, but when I used the bathroom, they were all over the counter.  Do you think there could be a problem with the precription drugs? Wouldn't the dockters manage that though?

[sosad5306]

It means that there may be outside "forces" coming into play, such as drugs, alcohol, girls, etc.  With that said, don't start judging him, but usually, skipping school is an indicator that a child is up to no good.  Encourage his mother to talk to him.  And watch for other things as well.

[sosad5306]

ABSOLUTELY!!! I post in the addiction/substance abuse forum as well.  I am a prescritpion drug/trashcan addict.  My drug of choice is hydrocodone (vicodin, lortab, etc) but I'll take whatever.  
Please, do him a favor and ask him and get him help. The disease of addiction makes a person very sick and is incredibly debilitating.  If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask.  Also, check out the forum I mentioned above.  There are wonderful, caring, intelligent people there that will answer all of your questions.
Best of luck!!!