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Help 4 yr old is shy
I have been a stay home mom for 4 1/2 yrs. My son is an only child. Their are not that many children in my neighborhood, and I really do not know many people with young children. My son started pre-k in september. He has alway's been clingy with me. His teacher has informed me that she is concerned about my son, because he does not initiate play with other children. At playtime inside he will just stand against the wall. Outside play he will play, because they have them play alone. She said that the other day she tried to play ball with him at play time and he played with her for about 2 minutes and he ended up back against the wall. He says good morning now, but it took a while for him to say it to the class.
The teacher told me that he was walking in circles the other day in the gym and just entertaining his self, and she was concerned with the repetitiveness.
When he comes home he tells me all about the kids in his class. He has a boy on his bus that he really likes alot. He is always telling me what toys jake has and how Jake likes him. Their is another boy in particular in his class that he likes. He tells me about him alot too.
Should I be worried about some type of issue here? Could this just be that he is SHY? Or could this be something deeper? I am so stressed out about this.
The teacher told me that he was walking in circles the other day in the gym and just entertaining his self, and she was concerned with the repetitiveness.
When he comes home he tells me all about the kids in his class. He has a boy on his bus that he really likes alot. He is always telling me what toys jake has and how Jake likes him. Their is another boy in particular in his class that he likes. He tells me about him alot too.
Should I be worried about some type of issue here? Could this just be that he is SHY? Or could this be something deeper? I am so stressed out about this.
Hi. Try not to worry, it never helps! I would suggest that you go to his class and observe for yourself. Maybe schedule two days to do it with a couple of days in between. The first time, just watch and see what you think. This can be very eye opening. My son was a completely different kid at school than he was at home. You may also be able to spot any dynamics that you think may be contributing to the issue. The second time you go, help your son. Sit down beside another child during free play time with your son. Talk to the other boy, facilitate something like building blocks together or whatever. Get a game going with him and another child on the playground. See if you can help.
Your child could very well be shy. I was. However, playing and being social is usually a natural thing for kids, shy or not. Most don't need to be taught it. A few child developmental experts have told me this as I said the same thing you did. Some do need to be taught, my son was one of them. My son has a mild developmental delay (and is super smart ---- delay does not mean not smart) called sensory integration disorder. We figured out because of preschool and his classroom behavior and interaction. Your child may not have any real issue other than shyness at all------ really. But I would watch and see how the rest of the year goes.
Here is some things I would do if I were you----- listen to the teacher and follow her recommendations. Not because she is absolutely right about her observations, but because she is in a position to compare your son to his peers and where he stacks up in his development vs them without bias (unlike parents . . .). It is good information for you to have and paints the whole picture of your child. This teacher is awesome for talking to you about this because she is concerned about your child. He isn't being disruptive or hard for to handle----- he is just not participating much. The usual complaint people have about teacher's comments is that a teacher is just trying to make things easier on themselves when they have a difficult child----- your child isn't difficult. He's extremely quiet and just wants to watch. So, my point is----- she is trying to help him have a better experience and to make sure that everything is okay with him. That is great. I met a woman who's son went to the same school for two years and the teacher never said anything about him just sitting in a corner the whole time. Turns out he has some delays. I would be so upset if a teacher let my child just sit like that and not tell me. So listen to her and if she asks to have him evaluated through the school, I would do it. He may be completely fine and just adjusting, wouldn't it feel good to be sure of that?
I would also ask the teacher if there is a roster for the class. These two kids your son talks about would be on it. Pick one and call that child's mother and arrange a play date. Make it short (hour/ hour and half/ or two hours at most!). Have a snack involved, some ideas of things they can do and supervise. This may help your child feel more connected in class and will help him with his social skills.
You can role play how to interact with the other kids/teacher. Give him the words if he is having difficulty. I would talk to him about how he feels in class (but don't say anything negative as that would make matters worse----- a shy kid being told he is too shy only makes him more self conscious). But watch his self esteem and make sure it is staying high. These early years are important for that.
Otherwise, I woud just see how it goes. He may become more comfortable and open up. But try not to worry. You will help him through whatever the situation, right? It will be okay, I promise!
Your child could very well be shy. I was. However, playing and being social is usually a natural thing for kids, shy or not. Most don't need to be taught it. A few child developmental experts have told me this as I said the same thing you did. Some do need to be taught, my son was one of them. My son has a mild developmental delay (and is super smart ---- delay does not mean not smart) called sensory integration disorder. We figured out because of preschool and his classroom behavior and interaction. Your child may not have any real issue other than shyness at all------ really. But I would watch and see how the rest of the year goes.
Here is some things I would do if I were you----- listen to the teacher and follow her recommendations. Not because she is absolutely right about her observations, but because she is in a position to compare your son to his peers and where he stacks up in his development vs them without bias (unlike parents . . .). It is good information for you to have and paints the whole picture of your child. This teacher is awesome for talking to you about this because she is concerned about your child. He isn't being disruptive or hard for to handle----- he is just not participating much. The usual complaint people have about teacher's comments is that a teacher is just trying to make things easier on themselves when they have a difficult child----- your child isn't difficult. He's extremely quiet and just wants to watch. So, my point is----- she is trying to help him have a better experience and to make sure that everything is okay with him. That is great. I met a woman who's son went to the same school for two years and the teacher never said anything about him just sitting in a corner the whole time. Turns out he has some delays. I would be so upset if a teacher let my child just sit like that and not tell me. So listen to her and if she asks to have him evaluated through the school, I would do it. He may be completely fine and just adjusting, wouldn't it feel good to be sure of that?
I would also ask the teacher if there is a roster for the class. These two kids your son talks about would be on it. Pick one and call that child's mother and arrange a play date. Make it short (hour/ hour and half/ or two hours at most!). Have a snack involved, some ideas of things they can do and supervise. This may help your child feel more connected in class and will help him with his social skills.
You can role play how to interact with the other kids/teacher. Give him the words if he is having difficulty. I would talk to him about how he feels in class (but don't say anything negative as that would make matters worse----- a shy kid being told he is too shy only makes him more self conscious). But watch his self esteem and make sure it is staying high. These early years are important for that.
Otherwise, I woud just see how it goes. He may become more comfortable and open up. But try not to worry. You will help him through whatever the situation, right? It will be okay, I promise!
Your son is suffering from anxiety (probably social anxiety) but it does not seem too severe. The difference between being "shy" and suffering from "anxiety" is function. It does appear that your son is having difficulty speaking and inItiatiing play with other children (these are "function" processes). I might suggest you ask the teacher if your son speaks to the other children as well as adults, is he able to eat at school, is he able to use the washroom facilities, and is he able to learn at school. These are all behaviours common to children suffering from anxiety. It might be wise to google the phrase "anxiety behaviors in children" or "social anxiety in young children" or "anxiety and school" or similar words/phrases to educate yourself on this issue. I really feel that social intervention issues as listed in the next paragraph should be sufficient to help your son, but be aware anxiety is a disorder which responds very slowly to these tactics (and I mean months and years; not days or weeks).
The best thing I feel that you can do is to over-socialize your son - take him to parks, malls, church, McDonald's, relatives' homes, sports activities, clubs, whatever. It will get better - if it helps, discuss this issue with your son's pediatrician or the family doctor. I wish you the best ....
The best thing I feel that you can do is to over-socialize your son - take him to parks, malls, church, McDonald's, relatives' homes, sports activities, clubs, whatever. It will get better - if it helps, discuss this issue with your son's pediatrician or the family doctor. I wish you the best ....
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