Help!!!! My 4 year old is driving me nuts!

I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter whom I love to death but I am at my wits end.  Its sad to say, but its gotten so bad it's hard to enjoy spending time with her.  Everyday we are telling her to not do the same things....don't pull things out of your brothers hands, don't jump on the couch, don't bring food in the living room etc.  We can tell her these things, and 2 minutes later she is doing them. Its frustrating to say the least, and usually ends up by us yelling at her which isnt good & isnt setting a good example for her brother (17 months old).  We have tried time outs, behavior chart, spankings, taking her favorite toys away, no ice cream before bed etc.  Nothing seems to work.  She is always so wound up that its like nothing soaks in......She went to preschool last year (2 halfdays a wk) and will be going 3 halfdays this year, and her teacher had no issues at all.  She also does gymnastics & swim lessons and the teachers have no issues.....so I know its something at home with us.  She has had a few issues at daycare with not listening and being defiant, but nothing serious & that I wouldnt expect out of a child her age.  Any ideas of things we can try to make out house a more peaceful place?!?!?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are wise to observe that your daughter does fine in out-f-home settings with other adults. The problem lies in the parent/child interaction and is best addressed by a systematic behavior management plan. Read Lynn Clark's plan in SOS Help for Parents and follow his instructions (see www.sosprograms.com).

[Lisa1182]

My son is the same way.  It's like outright defiance because I know he knows better!  Although he does this at his daycare as well, although not the the extent at home.  It's like he has to be part of the "in" crowd already at 3 years old!  I have ordered the SOS Help for Parents book and I'm curious to see if there is anything I haven't tried.  My husband was recently diagnosed at 33 severe combined ADHD and my son is exactly like him.  Which is very scary for me.    The only time we don't have to correct our son is when he is completely exhausted.  Any other night I'm the one exhausted from repeating myself all the time to get ONE task completed. If you get the SOS book please reply if you find something that works!