Help me please!!!

I am a single mom of 2 boys, I work and go to school full time.  My son is 7 and will not sleep.  My bed is in the same room as my boys's.  They have bunk beds and my son will not sleep in his.  He will fall alseep on the couch around 8:30pm and sleep till about 11pm then he comes to my bed and gets me.  He will not just lay down and go to sleep, so we play for a little while then I can get him back to sleep(usually with me).  Then he will sleep until 3:30am or 4:00am and then he is up for the day, no matter what. He is ADHD, medicated lightly, 18mg of concerta every morning at 6:30am.  He also has a problem with ears, yup you read it right.  While I lay with him and try to get him to go back to sleep  he will  "tickle my ears"  It started when he was a toddler and it was just a light rubbing of my ear lobes.  Now it has become quite painfull and extreamly annoying.  He will lightly rub then start to squeeze then end up pinching and it is not just the ear lobe anymore but the whole ear.  He also starts at his hands and rubs my whole ear with the under side of his arm going from hands to elbow then back down again(which bends my ear forward).  I dont know how to stop his ear thing, I have given his soft things to rub and hold but he doesnt want them.  Back to his sleep, he is not getting enough so all day he is snappy, cranky and yells at everyone and has multiple meltdowns a day.  He is very over emotional.  I feel like I am losing my mind, can someone please help me???
Thank you

[tico01]

I understand it must be hard but YOU must take control and not let him do this ear thing if it is so bothersome. It may take some time but he will get the hang of it not to do it.
I do not believe in medicating children because I feel it is what they eat and their surroundings. Do you give him sugar, msg, proccesssed foods, sodas etc.? This has a huge affect on children and their sleep habits as well. I know from my step son who is 2. I had to change his eating habits because he was bouncing off the walls and I couldn't take it. It is working to this day.
I hope you find peace soon but please try doing things differently and watch his food.

[everythingatonce]

First of all, you're name on here is cute, however you should change it to WonderfulMommy!!! I think you should talk with a phyciatrist about the ear thing, until then let him continue, however just ask him nicely to be a little more gentle. This sounds to be an OCD he is having! I suffer from OCD and have ever since I can remember, I am now taking Zoloft for it which seems to be helping. But as far as you're son, if this is OCD, it is a feeling he can NOT control and he feels he MUST act on it! I may be wrong, which is why I am suggesting you take him to a phyciatrist. The sleep problem could have something to do with his ADHD. He may need an increase in the dosage, especially since he takes his medication in the am and this is happening late at night-that definately is what it sounds like, however-again, I may be wrong therefore you should consult his doctor. And just a little note about what tico01 had mentioned-about giving him sugar, ...-it is now known, actually very recently discovered, that SUGAR does NOT hipe kids up. Now, don't mistaken that as anything with sugar, it's just the sugar part alone-you know how, for many, many years, everyone was so sure that anything with sugar would greatly "waken" children, even adults? It's not the sugar! It's the additives-you have to watch for other things, such as caffine-which is a huge one!!! Caffine is in chocolate, therefore explains A LOT of confusion with the sugar issue. Many people are not aware of this, which in return, they are stricktly watching for sugar and not paying attention to the additives. Another note, tico01 mentioned that they do not believe in medication for children, it is only what they eat and their surroundings-which is good only if it was true! It would be nice not to have to medicate children, however I believe that some, actually several, children do have problems, issues, disorders, diseases, etc. that is uncontrollable and has nothing to do with the food they eat or their surroundings. Therefore, it comes down to our children sufforing with what they may be suffuring from or medicating them!?! Whatever the explanations may be to these issues, you are doing great with this as you have come looking for help! There are too many moms, or just parents, who choose not to care or to even try to get to the bottom of things for their children, some even go to the extreme and do the most horrible thing anyone could do! It sounds like it's got to be tough on both of you! But just remember, hang in there, be patient and caring, and consult with his doctor as soon as possible about OCD and if he possibly needs the dosage adjusted! Good luck to both of you and let us know how everything turns out! God bless!!!

[specialmom]

I agree, you sound like a wonderful mom that is trying really hard here.  It is hard to raise kids on your own.  Okay, here goes.  I am a tough mom about certain things.  My kids are 4 and 5.  I'm a pretty active mom and give parenting my all.  So by bedtime, I'm ready for bedtime.  I'd amp up your bed time routine.  At 8, instead of laying on couch to fall asleep at 8:30----  get him in tub, get him cozy pj's, get him a snack, read a little together, and then bed.  It is hard because you are in the same room with him.  Then if he wakes up at 11,  sorry.  Can't play.  I'm sleeping.  Lights are off.  It is sleep time.  This will be hard at first as you are breaking a pattern.  But I just wouldn't do it.  I'm kind of mean at night-----  he is 7, not a baby.  I know he has ADD/ADHD.  So his meds could need some tweaking.  I would talk to his doctor about that.  I have a son with sensory integration disorder (a nervous system delay like ADD/ADHD but a little different.)  who really responds to talk of why we need our sleep.  He is 5 and we talk about if he doesn't sleep, what it means for the next day.  When he has a bad incident partly because he is tired, I tell him then and there, it is because you didn't sleep well last night.  This helps when he is resistent to sleeping.  He gets the correlation between sleep and feeling good.  We had a really bad period in which he was staying up until 12 or 1 and not sleeping.  He had to stay in his room so he didn't bother others who were sleeping (except me who can't sleep unless kids are sleeping,  you know those mom ears) . . .but he was exhausted.  I got really tough and just didn't give in at all.  I'd break things down if I was feeling nice, you can have 5 minutes to play then BED!  It has worked for us.  
Also, with sensory being so closely related to ADD, I would suggest trying to get some more physical activity in his day.  Running, jumping, rolling, climbing, etc. will have a direct affect on his sleep as these things soothe the nervous system.  My kid has a diet rich of these activities every day rain or shine.  We do it indoors------ crazy animal walks, leap frog hopping, etc.
There are some natural things to try like fish oil (and others here have lots of ideas on this, I'm just learning about it) which they make in tasty gummie bear style.  I do watch my child's diet too.  (by the way, that is true about sugar in two thirds of people, but the other third will respond by hyping up.  It is like salt and blood pressure, one third has the negative reaction and the other two thirds don't.  So everyone watches it because it is hard to know if you are part of that one third.  Everything in moderation, right?)  I saw an increase in irritability with things like McDonalds.  
I was a clinical therapist for years and OCD can as the above said manifest itself in many different ways.  I've seen people who have to wear wigs because they pulled all of their own hair out and couldn't stop themselves.  I don't know if this is what is going on or not.  It never hurts to have a psychiatric work up for him.  I would not let him do it though.  Show him how it is red and hurts.  Does he do it while he is trying to fall asleep and you're already drifing off? As the above said, give him an animal with an ear and tell him he can do it to the animal, but not you.  Sorry.  By the way, how is he doing in school?  Good luck.  It is so hard being a mom, isn't it?

[everythingatonce]

I'm sorry, I should have made myself more clearer with the ear thing and letting him do it. I meant if it is no problem to mom, let him continue until he's seen by a phyciatrist. If it is a problem to mom, which is totally understandable, then try giving him a stuffed animal or something. I was just mentioning the 'let him continue' part based on how he responds to mom talking with him to get him to be more gentle. Then, if that doesn't work, go for something else. There are uncountable stages and obsessions of OCD, and for the MOST part, not totally and everything, but mostly anything that carries an obsession behind it, is uncontrolable by mind, and possibly time demanding is indeed OCD. I'm not saying it is, just from the sounds of it-I have worked with many children who suffer from OCD, depression, anxiety, ADD/ADHD, panic disorder, acute and major stress reaction, PTSD, and other mind-variable and controlled disorders(as these things are "called"). Hearing them, working with them, and helping them has gave me a sense of knowledge of these issues-which a few I suffer from myself (OCD being one of them) so I do understand how he may feel if it is OCD. I just want mom to treat it as if it may be OCD so that there will be no damadge done knowing that OCD is one of the most uncommon and not the most probable yet one of the most treatment or attention needed issues that it could possibly be. Basically, treat it as a worst-case-scenerio sort of thing. That is just my opinion, I'm not a doctor, just a child therapist, mother of a 3 year old boy and twin 8 month olds-girl and boy, and, again, a sufferer of a few of these disorders. Again, I apoligize for making everyone think I meant let him do it, no matter what!!!  

[sleepless_in_illinois]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice.  About the ear thing I have tried everything to get him to stop.  If I tell him no and do not let him touch my ears he has a very bad response.  He will cry and physically shake, I talk to him about it during the day and ask him why he feels he needs to do that to my ears and he says he doesnt know he just has to.  He will do it while he is trying to go to sleep and when he wakes up in the middle of the night and when he get tired durning the day.  When he was in pre-school we had probs with him touching the other kids ears.  That stopped rather quickly and now it just me, every once in a while his little brothers ears appeal to him.  Blake is one of those kids who is so smart, you only have to tell him once and he will remember it forever.  By the time he was 3 he know our solar system inside and out including how many moons each planet has.  He was also able to add and subtract at the age of three. So as far as acidemic goes he is doing great.  Behavior issues have always been there.  This year his teacher is a saint.  He will be sitting at his desk and his legs will get to bouncing which in turn bounces his neighbors desks (the desks are touching) So his teacher has made a little gap between his desk and the others.  Also when he gets going in class and cant sit still she tells him to take a walk down the hall way to the water fountain and get a drink then come back and try again. She is an absolute saint.  Umm here are some things that I left out in my original post.  My ex husband (Blakes father)  is a heavy medicated ADHD and bipolar.  He is a very violent man.  He left the state years ago and has not seen Blake since he was 8 months old.  Which I am thankful for.  But I have been reading up on bipolar and I have read articals that say that if one parent is bipolar than it is like an 85% chance the child will be too.  With Blake his attitude is horriable.  He will get violent with me and his little brother (3).  Right now I am trying to figure out if his poor attitude is a result of him only getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night or if he may also be bipolar.  I know I have to find out what is going on and try to help him.  I see the frustration in him. I see his poor social skills.  He has one friend because he just gets so worked up and excited while around other children, I swear if he could he would just crawl up their backs and sit on their heads.  He has probs with other kids personal space and I have talked with him about this.  I have actually missed work and school to go to Blakes school and park by the playground and whatch him interact with other kids.  He wants to play with them so bad and he get so excited he violates every "social rule" in the book and kids just walk away.  Other parents have told me that their kids say they dont want to play with him because there is something wrong with Blake.  It breaks my heart, I dont know what to do to make things better for him, I would give any thing to make it all better.  Oh  Blake have never had soda and he doesnt eat candy (chocolet)  only on special ocassions like halloween. I live in a very small town and drove 2 hours each way to the city (chicago) to go to a all natural organic store every week to buy Blake food to eat.  I modified his diet and it did nothing for us.  I gave it up after a year.  I am making a doctors appointment.  I really dont think Blake feel comfortable in his own skin, he is always second guessing himself when it comes to social situations.  He cant go to sleep overs and he has never been invited to a birthday party.  This whole thing is just tearing me apart.  I dont want to put him on 3 meds. I didnt want to medicate him in the first place but his behavior outside the home was getting too bad.  
Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

[specialmom]

I am so sorry that things are so tough for you and Blake.  It IS heartbreaking as a mother to watch our babies struggle.  I think a child psychiatrist is a good place to start, I really do.  Find out what medical conditions your child has for sure (I know that is never a sure thing . . .)  but bipolar, anxiety, and add/adhd are all treatable conditions.  Sensory sounds like it is at play here too.  Hallmark sign of sensory----  social skills trouble and space issues.  I always say to others exactly what you are saying----  my son didn't feel comfortable in his own skin.  We are lucky and blessed to have found (for the time being) the right formula for him.  He is happier now.  Many parents want compliance and good behavior out of their kids and aren't worried about how the child feels.  You and I are on the same page.  It is about how these poor kids feel inside.  That hurts to see.  

Financially, it would be free to get a full work up from your local school system.  By law, upon a parent's request, they must evaluate a child.  You can request an occupational therapist consult and a psychiatric consult.  This would be helpful.  Once an occupational therapist is in play, they can make classroom modifications (over and beyond a great teacher which it sounds like you have) such as a chair cushion that allows him to wiggle all he wants without touching anyone or being too distracting.  He could have movement breaks, straws to chew on, visual timers for transitions, etc.  Also knowing if there are any psychiatric issues at play here would be so very important.  

A school counselor can help with social issues.  They often can run friends groups where they teach social skills and facilitate friendships.  My son did a social skills training camp last summer which helped/ it was run by an occuptional therapists office.  Some quick ideas----  robot arms.  He must make robot arms (straight out in front) and that is how close he is to get to people.  I ran around all last summer saying robot arms to remind my son to back up.  He is finally getting it.  We role play scenarios with him on how to interact with kids/friends.  Give him the words to use if he can't find them himself.  If you work at the schools, they often have decent insurance for health.  If your son could see a private OT, I think it would do a world of difference.  They help strategize for life issues for our kids.

Tonight before bed, try laying him on the floor and press pillows from the couch gently on him.  It may relax him.  Sounds crazy-----  but try it.  Good luck

[sleepless_in_illinois]

Thanks special mom,  I dont work in the schools.  I am an RN.  I do have insurance, so I will be looking into everything on Mon.  You sound like you know just what I am talking about.  I can see Blakes unhappiness and that kills me.  Thank you for everything.

[Sandman2]

Hi Sleepless,
  You have gotten some really advice in the last posts and they should be helpful. I have one or two things I wanted to contribute.
  On the ADHD forum, one of the members posted this: "My son's teacher said that she has been observing him this year and he cannot focus and does not get his school work done.  She said that it is not that he doesn't try, but it is a force that is bigger than he is".
  The quote really hit home, because the kids that have these problems are dealing with something that is so much bigger than them.  As they grow up, they are better equipped to handle many of these problems, but by then a lot of damage has been done.  The trouble is that sometimes the force is so much stronger than the child, that any coping techniques we try to teach them have very little chance of working.  It kind of sounds like the little bit of medication he is taking is being overwhelmed.  As some of the other posters have hinted at - I think you need to find a child psychiatrist.  If your son is going to need different or additional medications to deal with his problems (and he may well have more than one thing going on), then you really need someone who is a specialist in this area.  If everything works out and the medication is working, then you can start to teach him social/coping skills and they will work this time.
   A thought relating to his sleep problems.  I am guessing that he is in the top bunk.  If he is ODD and slightly scared of the bunk, that could be one of the reasons why he doesn't want to climb up there.  I know there probably isn't room for another bed, but maybe a big beanbag chair bed or a fruton (or however they spell it).  There is the chance that if he helps you pick it out, he might be willing to try it and fall asleep there instead of the couch.  I would also try and keep him up later at night as that will change his sleep habits.  Of course that is kind of hard to do if he is falling asleep as he is watching tv.  I would be tempted to let him start playing with the computer at about 8:30.  If you could keep him up another hour or so, it might make a huge difference in his wake up time.  You would probably have to ease into it, and it would probably take a couple of weeks for him to adjust, but it doesn't seem like it can get much worse.  There have been posts by parents on the ADHD forum who do lightly medicate their kids at night so they are able to "come down" and sleep.  I would certainly try other things first.
   I also wonder  -- you have a 3 year old, work full time, and go to school.  I doubt if your son gets as much time with you as he wants.  This might explain some of his night time behaviors. (Your ears have become a huge security blanket?)  You say you have given his some soft things, what about something really large like a big special teddy bear?  Of course the best option might be to somehow squeeze more time into the day for him,  but I really don't have a clue how you could do this.  You sound like your cup is very full.
   Speaking of the full cup, as an RN you know how difficult it is being a caregiver.  You really are in that role with your son.  Somehow, you also have to take care of yourself.  Writing to this forum should help.  Go on the ADHD forum and read some of those posts.  There are other people having similar kinds of problems.  Just being able to talk about them does help.  But it sounds like you are going one step further and becoming proactive in getting help for your son.  That is really important.  Somehow get (steal) the time to help yourself a bit.  Just to get away (somehow) and take a long walk can really help.   Good Luck
  

[everythingatonce]

I know that has got to feel horrible! I couldn't even imagine! I hate it when we go to the park and a little kid says something small to my little boy or no other kids will play with him because they are all older. Anything and everything like that, even if you're child blows it off or they just don't understand what's going on, it's still hard and hurts you're feelings. It just makes you wish you could trade places with them! So, I couldn't even imagine what you 2 are going through! I would just take a deep breath and take him to see a child phyciatrist and hopefully it'll all go up hill from there! Good luck!!! Please let us know how everything goes!

[JimH68]

Sorry this is such a long post... I cut it and pasted it here (I originally posted it for another user regarding a question she had about her daughter) Maybe it applies to your son as well, maybe not, but something to think about:

Maybe something to consider (actually two things) regarding your daughter: PANDAs and allergies.  If your child has been exposed to STREP recently, there may be a chance that your child's own strep-antibodies are attacking the ganglia in the brain, which results in these actions (it also can result in OCD and really bad thoughts.)  The antibodies somehow mistake the ganglia for the strep infection.  If you think your child has strep or has been exposed.... get a Titer count test.  This is how the Drs. tell if your child has strep and it shows the level of strep-antibodies in your child's system.  Your child may show absolutely zero signs of STREP or illness but still have it.  Also, peanut butter, dairy, wheat, asthma medications may set off behavior issues or OCD or exacerbate the effect of the strep reaction.  Good luck finding a Dr. who believes in PANDAs, most don't.  But any Dr. worth their salt will have at least heard/read about it.  Ours said he didn't think it was a valid diagnosis but could not explain away the documented correlation and had no comment on the accepted diagnosis' of CHOREA (St. Vitus’ Dance) or strep related heart problems that can arise after contracting a strep infection.  As far as the peanut butter thing goes... I have no actual proof, only what I consider amazing results after we stopped eating it in our house.  Allergies to peanuts do not have to be lethal. They can be mild and any physical side effects can go unnoticed, but who knows what turmoil it is wreaking within the body.  One indication of an allergic reaction is called the "allergic shiner".  They are light to heavy dark rings around the eyes.  Many times it's attributed to lack of sleep, but it is actually the result of an allergic reaction.  Also your child might get any itchy throat or itchy roof of the mouth after eating peanut butter.... but it may be very mild so they might not tell you.  I have read on-line about reactions to some asthma medications that are unofficially linked to morbid (bad thought) OCD.  Night terrors, bad dreams, sleep walking, bed wetting, and/or obsession with frequently going to the bathroom is also associated with PANDAs.  I am not a doctor and can only relay to you what I have read.  I read that PANDAs is usually noticed in children about the age of 7 but that it can occur earlier.  Children don't (or can't) always articulate what is going on with themselves so earlier occurrences of this tragic condition may not be brought to the parents' attention until around that age.  What I've read did say though that it is associated with children who have not yet hit puberty but does not mean it can't occur later in life (teens.)  There is a book out, written by a mother who's son was almost institutionalized due to OCD.  He developed it out of the blue around the age of 11 and after a year (or two, I don't remember) he became so obsessed with performing certain rituals that he was essentially non-functinal.  His mother had been video taping his actions to show doctors in an attempt to get help.  She was at her wits end and ready to have him put in an institution when someone asked if he'd been tested for STREP.  He hadn't but sure enough came back positive and was put on antibiotics.  The antibiotics worked almost miracuously and he returned to normal (though at 18 says that if he feels any urges coming on he goes back on the anti-biotics and is completely "cured"/feels normal.  I think the name of the book is "Saving Sammy, Curing the Boy Who Caught OCD."  I also read an article in the Chicago Tribune last week about a Loyola University student who out of the blue had an auto-immune disease that left her unable to walk and see properly.  One theory is that it may have been triggered by a virus which caused her antibodies (to the virus)  to attack the brain.  She is still recovering after extensive treatments but making improvement. I know this is a ridiculously long post and it may not have anything to do with your daughter's condition but I just wanted to let you (and anyone else who might be going through similar child issues) know that some child mental health issues may actually be caused by the body's reaction to some stimulus or virus.  Anyone reading this in hope of finding information (or just plain "I'm in the same boat as you" support) should consider allergic reactions or auto-immune response to blood issues/antibodies before placing a child on medication. I hope this information is of help to you or another reader and that your child's "episodes" are few and far between.  I know this can be a nightmare.  You feel helpless and afraid... you want to do the right thing but don't want Drs. to label your child as "menatlly ill."  I  wonder how many children suffer from behavior problems (mild or severe) or Morbid (bad-thought) OCD due to food/drug allergies or STREP.  More than we know I'm sure, because I believe most parents keep it to themselves (to keep their child from being labeled) and they hope it will go away on it's own.  Little research on this issue and even less discussion within the medical/pyschiatric communities.  I have a family member who recently (2 years ago) obtained a masters in child psychology and hadn't even heard of PANDAs and had no idea what might have been going on with my child - ruled out food allergies too... immediately suggested psych meds (we refused!)  Except for one reoccurrence last March, my child has been symptom free for two years now.  The change? It all went away (over-night) when we completely removed peanut butter from our child's diet.  The one occurence in March you might ask? We had our child tested for STREP which was a positive, went on antibiotics and was back to normal.  Coinicdence? Maybe, but the timing and positive results we've had seem to indicate there might be something to this.
One more thing, which is very important to remember.  The quick/same day result STREP test that they do at the doctor's office came back negative (on two different occasions) for our child.  We insisted -and got some static from the doctor I might add- that they send it to a lab for the more extensive TITER test and guess what, it came back positive!  As I said before, I am not a doctor and I can only relate in this post what I recall and what I recall reading. Hope it helps and God Bless.