Aa
Help please
I have a 11 year old that is beyond acting out!!! A little history i was not there for him when he was younger to busy running behind his daddy and doing wrong.His daddy had been in and out of prison his whole life and once again in there again.I gave him to his grandmother when he was very young.Well i have been clean and sober june 24 will be six years and have been there 110% the past 6 yrs.His grandmother who he truely adorded died in a car wreck over a yr ago and i got cusdoty of him when she passes cause no one wanted him or his problems.He has been in counciling since he was 5 have always been violent and angery.When i got him his fathers side of the family called me at 10 at night and told me they were at macdonalds to come and get him they were done with him.Since he has been with me he has been in the whole mhmr program and been in millwood twice,suspended so many times i cant count,alternitive school,now he is alternitive school again.The past 2 months have been bad!!!!! Cops get called on him at least 2-3 times a week at school for the past 3 weeks.They have took it to bringing him home in cuffs.He is violent towards me as in the last blow up he threw a airconditioner the time befor that wich was 2 days eailer he came after my with a broom stick. I am so lost on what to do!!! The school dnt want to deal with him,millwood told us not to bring him back and they refuse to put him in juvie cause of his age!!! He has told me he wants me dead and he hates me! It has gotten to the point when he has a blow up i have to stand in between him and my younger kids!!!! I NEED HELP!!! I AM LOST!!!!!
Hi! Just wanted to get an update on you and your son. I pray that everything has gotten better! I'm so sorry you had to suffer through this ordeal.
well they denied him for jjaep they said they didnt have room for him we didnt even get our hearing they called and told us that they were not going to take him. Well they diagnosed him once again bi-polor and put him on some differ meds plus back on abilify. and he wasent even home 8 hrs and we were back where we started.His first day back at school i had a call by 12noon to come and get him!!!! I dnt know i am really looseing all faith in ever finding help for him. I just take it day by day and just wait for the day that someone finally sees what i go through and help. I am going to sighn him back up with mhmr tuesday but i know its just a waste of my time and a big *** stresser on me cause takeing him anywhere by myself is going to be bad! Thats where i am at today maybe tomarrow will be different!
well i called my insurance company and asked them what to do and they got him into a temp. facility here (well almost 2 hrs away) but hes been there a week he comes home tomarrow so fingers crossed something hit home with him!!! i so hope this helps \if not back to square one but at least know now by pass everyone and reach to the last place u would think to cause my insurance was very helpful
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, boy - well sometimes the issue has to be forced and maybe this time it will force something to happen.
I really, really think that the special ed issue needs to be dealt with. there are two ways to force the system to deal with him. One way is jail, the other is special ed. You need to force the issue. They no longer can get away with using the ole "grades are too good for him", not with his track record. By the way, if he is in special ed, they have to pay for any private placement - which he may need.
Since he was kicked out of the alternative school, he is back under somebody. You need to write the letter I mentioned a while ago that will force the issue. If he winds up seeing a judge, make sure you take his medical records with you. Maybe the judge can force somebody to work with him. The point being is that all he/you are getting is lip service. If he is bi-polar, he probably needs medication. You don't want a pediatrician coming anywhere near that. The hearing may work in your favor. Make sure that they get all of the important information. If they just think he has been brought up wrong and doesn't have any other problem, he won't get the help he needs.
I guess my point is, is that unless the person at the hearing comes though for you - you gotta do it your self, by writing the letter that will force them to start special education evaluation. Till, then - its the same ol, same old stuff.
I really, really think that the special ed issue needs to be dealt with. there are two ways to force the system to deal with him. One way is jail, the other is special ed. You need to force the issue. They no longer can get away with using the ole "grades are too good for him", not with his track record. By the way, if he is in special ed, they have to pay for any private placement - which he may need.
Since he was kicked out of the alternative school, he is back under somebody. You need to write the letter I mentioned a while ago that will force the issue. If he winds up seeing a judge, make sure you take his medical records with you. Maybe the judge can force somebody to work with him. The point being is that all he/you are getting is lip service. If he is bi-polar, he probably needs medication. You don't want a pediatrician coming anywhere near that. The hearing may work in your favor. Make sure that they get all of the important information. If they just think he has been brought up wrong and doesn't have any other problem, he won't get the help he needs.
I guess my point is, is that unless the person at the hearing comes though for you - you gotta do it your self, by writing the letter that will force them to start special education evaluation. Till, then - its the same ol, same old stuff.
Well he is officailly kicked out of the alternitve school.He went a total of 1 day out of 5 days cause they would send him home for acting up.Well Friday he was to go back frm his suspetion. My BF took him to school and he BLEW up assalted a police officer got put in handcuffs! Take a gusee at what happened. They sent him home!!!!!! Now we go in the morning for a hearing cause they are putting him in JJAEP. 1 step away frm jail! I got back into church and met a lady that knows a school around here for behavior kids that they live at the school during the week and come home on weekends guess kind of like a bording school got my fingers crossed cause we have tried everything and keep getting turned away cause he is violent!!! They tell me they have to protect there staff!!! He is 11 he needs help NOW before he gets to be a teenager and he really hurts someone!!! I just dnt know!!! I just dnt know!! This is now affecting my health!!! All i can do is breath and prey god shows me the way!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
There are ways to work with ODD and bi-polar kids that will help them (and you). Of course, it helps to know for sure what they have. I think it would be important for you to talk to the psyc at MHMR and find out his recommendations on ways to work with your son. Maybe even get a clearer picture of what is going on.
Has the school offered any more help? They (especially his teacher) have got to realize they can't just let things continue the way they are going. I know you certainly realize that.
Has the school offered any more help? They (especially his teacher) have got to realize they can't just let things continue the way they are going. I know you certainly realize that.
He was seeing a psychiatrist through MHMR and he acted really bad at first. Then he seen that wasent getting him anywhere so he started acting right saying what they wanted to hear and i guess you could say manipulatuied his way to being discharged. This week has been great i called his grandpa on the dads side and didnt give him a option to tell me no about keeping him spring break so i have had a break BIG break and he dnt come back till sunday. When he gets done with speing break i have a app. with his behavior school to talk to them bout where to go with this. I know i cant be the only one in the world with problems like this.Thank you for your help! You have been someone to talk to and vent to LOL i really appretiate it cause i felt really lost and alone and then when i log into here you always come with some direction to go! Thank you again
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree he needs more than a pediatrician. do you have the resources to see a child psychiatrist? Your pediatrician does need to know what is going on and may be able to give you a referral.
Millwood diagnosed him severe mood disorder,bi-polor and ODD i think its called something like oppisitional defiance disorder (sorry i am really bad at spelling)
Well he is getting beyond help!!!! I just sit and cry at night because i dnt know what to do. The other day he was hitting my car with metal poles then he started chunking rocks at my car went outside to get him to stop and he came at me with the metal poles if i wouldnt have backed up when i did he would have got me right in the face! I am to the point of fearfull. We called millwood again and let them know that its getting worse and still the same answer take him to your pediatrician. What the heck is my pediatrician going to do she wont even treat my 6 yr old for his adhd. The new school he is in offers counciling so thats one plus but what do you do when your scared your 11 yr old is going to hurt you?? What do you do when your 11 yr old tells you to die?? What do you do and you tell him every day you love him and his response is i hate your guts??? WHAT DO YOU DO when the only one thats wants anything to do with him is me the one he hates. No one on the other side of the family wants anything to do with him there is family members that told me to NEVER let him on there property!! I am just a lost mom who wants the best for him but i am scared its to late!!!!
wow, sounds really tought to deal with. Just keep reaching out and trying to get resources! Teh school system needs to help you find placement for him.
COMMUNITY LEADER
A post to me from a member listing the differences between bipolar and ADHD. Hope it gives you more information.
ADHD and bipolar are very simalar and often misdianosed here is a list of differences:
1. Destructiveness may be seen in both disorders but differs in origin. Children who are ADHD often break things carelessly while playing (“non-angry destructiveness”), whereas the major destructiveness of children who are bipolar is not a result of carelessness but tends to occur in anger. Children who are bipolar may exhibit severe temper tantrums during which they release manic quantities of physical and emotional energy, sometimes with violence and physical property destruction. They may even exhibit openly sadistic impulses.
2. The duration and intensity of physical outbursts and temper tantrums differs in the two disorders. Children who are ADHD usually calm down in twenty to thirty minutes, whereas children who are bipolar may continue to feel and act angry for up to four hours.
3. The degree of “regression” during angry episodes is typically more severe for children who are bipolar. It is rare to see an angry child who is ADHD display disorganized thinking, language, and body position, all of which may be seen in angry bipolar children during a tantrum. Children who are bipolar may also lose memory of the tantrum.
4. The “trigger” for temper tantrums is also different. Children who have ADHD are typically triggered by sensory and emotional over stimulation, whereas children who have bipolar disorder typically react to limit-setting, such as a parental “no.”
5. The moods of children who have ADHD or bipolar disorder may change quickly, but children with ADHD do not generally show dysphoria (depression) as a predominant symptom. Irritability is particularly prominent in children who are bipolar, especially in the morning on arousal. Children with ADHD tend to arouse quickly and attain alertness within minutes, but children with mood disorders may show overly slow arousal (including several hours of irritability or dysphoria, fuzzy thinking or “cobwebs,” and somatic complaints such as stomachaches and headaches) upon awakening in the morning.
6. Disturbances during sleep in children with bipolar disorder include severe nightmares or night terrors often with themes of explicit gore and bodily mutilation.
7. Children who are bipolar often show giftedness in certain cognitive functions, especially verbal and artistic skills (perhaps with verbal precocity and punning by age two to three years).
8. The misbehavior in children with ADHD is often accidental and usually caused by oblivious inattention, whereas children with bipolar disorders intentionally provoke or misbehave. Some bipolar children are described as “the bully on the playground.”
9. The child with ADHD may engage in behavior that can lead to harmful consequences without being aware of the danger, whereas the child with bipolar disorder is risk seeking.
10. Bipolar children tend to have a strong early sexual interest and behavior.
11. Children with ADHD usually do not exhibit psychotic symptoms or reveal a loss of contact with reality, whereas children with bipolar disorder may exhibit gross distortions in the perception of reality or in the interpretation of emotional events.
12. Lithium treatment generally improves bipolar disorder but has little or no effect on ADHD
ADHD and bipolar are very simalar and often misdianosed here is a list of differences:
1. Destructiveness may be seen in both disorders but differs in origin. Children who are ADHD often break things carelessly while playing (“non-angry destructiveness”), whereas the major destructiveness of children who are bipolar is not a result of carelessness but tends to occur in anger. Children who are bipolar may exhibit severe temper tantrums during which they release manic quantities of physical and emotional energy, sometimes with violence and physical property destruction. They may even exhibit openly sadistic impulses.
2. The duration and intensity of physical outbursts and temper tantrums differs in the two disorders. Children who are ADHD usually calm down in twenty to thirty minutes, whereas children who are bipolar may continue to feel and act angry for up to four hours.
3. The degree of “regression” during angry episodes is typically more severe for children who are bipolar. It is rare to see an angry child who is ADHD display disorganized thinking, language, and body position, all of which may be seen in angry bipolar children during a tantrum. Children who are bipolar may also lose memory of the tantrum.
4. The “trigger” for temper tantrums is also different. Children who have ADHD are typically triggered by sensory and emotional over stimulation, whereas children who have bipolar disorder typically react to limit-setting, such as a parental “no.”
5. The moods of children who have ADHD or bipolar disorder may change quickly, but children with ADHD do not generally show dysphoria (depression) as a predominant symptom. Irritability is particularly prominent in children who are bipolar, especially in the morning on arousal. Children with ADHD tend to arouse quickly and attain alertness within minutes, but children with mood disorders may show overly slow arousal (including several hours of irritability or dysphoria, fuzzy thinking or “cobwebs,” and somatic complaints such as stomachaches and headaches) upon awakening in the morning.
6. Disturbances during sleep in children with bipolar disorder include severe nightmares or night terrors often with themes of explicit gore and bodily mutilation.
7. Children who are bipolar often show giftedness in certain cognitive functions, especially verbal and artistic skills (perhaps with verbal precocity and punning by age two to three years).
8. The misbehavior in children with ADHD is often accidental and usually caused by oblivious inattention, whereas children with bipolar disorders intentionally provoke or misbehave. Some bipolar children are described as “the bully on the playground.”
9. The child with ADHD may engage in behavior that can lead to harmful consequences without being aware of the danger, whereas the child with bipolar disorder is risk seeking.
10. Bipolar children tend to have a strong early sexual interest and behavior.
11. Children with ADHD usually do not exhibit psychotic symptoms or reveal a loss of contact with reality, whereas children with bipolar disorder may exhibit gross distortions in the perception of reality or in the interpretation of emotional events.
12. Lithium treatment generally improves bipolar disorder but has little or no effect on ADHD
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ok, two posts coming. I want to stress that his prior medical records are super important. If he was getting counseling at 5, that is extremely important information. The information from is old school is also very important. You don't want to have to reinvent the wheel here. Takes way too much time. I am assuming that he was getting some kind of help from his old school. If that is true, the new school can pick up and go from there and avoid a lot of time wasted finding out what they did. If he had no problems at his old school, then this is a whole different situation - and with that information I would change my recommendations.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thanks for the added information. He certainly does sound like bipolar to me. I will send you another post listing the differences between bipolar and ADHD. Of course, he could have both.
Not being in special ed due to good grades is baloney. There are several different criteria for special ed. It sounds like he would qualify under the "Emotional Disability" part. I am sure his teacher would agree. Wonder if she is kind of new to the profession and doesn't know about the special ed provisions? But not all teachers are aware.
If he is bipolar, programs like scared straight won't do much.
I think the best thing to do is to force special ed testing. It may be the only way you can get some help.
What you need to do is to send a written request (this is important) for an evaluation to the school principal. Say that you want an evaluation as provided for under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. Specifically, under the criteria of "emotional Disability". They must respond to you within a set time period. This at least will get the ball rolling.
If you have the money, visiting a good pediatric psychiatrist would be my first choice.
Hope this helps.
Not being in special ed due to good grades is baloney. There are several different criteria for special ed. It sounds like he would qualify under the "Emotional Disability" part. I am sure his teacher would agree. Wonder if she is kind of new to the profession and doesn't know about the special ed provisions? But not all teachers are aware.
If he is bipolar, programs like scared straight won't do much.
I think the best thing to do is to force special ed testing. It may be the only way you can get some help.
What you need to do is to send a written request (this is important) for an evaluation to the school principal. Say that you want an evaluation as provided for under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. Specifically, under the criteria of "emotional Disability". They must respond to you within a set time period. This at least will get the ball rolling.
If you have the money, visiting a good pediatric psychiatrist would be my first choice.
Hope this helps.
Mhmr tell me he is adhd then millwood turns around and tells me he is bi-polor. I am bi-polor myself. The differance with him is he is only violent towards women and the law.He can be in one of his rages and i mean a bad one and when my boyfriend walks through the door its yes sir no sir.He picks and chooses who he wants to be violent towards and he is very good at working people!! I have seen him first hand sit and do the poor me story and soon as he gets what he wants frm them he smirks and looks straight at me and smiles. He does with his nurse at school witch upsets me so bad cause then i have this lady calling me saying all kinds of crazy stuff.For exsample i grounded him one time for beating on my 6yr old and he got mad and straight up told me watch what i can do ran out the front door SCREAMING dwn the road that i was beating him and to call the cops on me.He has never been in special ed they say he dnt need it cause his grades are great. The teacher at school is scared of him because of his rages.He tells me all the time he wants to gangster anfd be like his dad and be in prison cause he for some reason thinks that makes you tough. He is Very close with my boyfriend and they talk all the time he is yes sir and no sir but when it comes to women or law or anyone he thinks he can manipulate or he thinks are weaker he is just violent and mean.I love my son and have tried every thing i can think of but it has gotten to sit back and wait till he gets to a age wher they will arest him and put him in juvy.And i hate that he can be so much more.i have even checked into scared straight programs but they dnt offer that here in texas and boot camp,military schools,or them faith based schools or so out of my budget.Thank you for posting back and if there is any programs for his age in texas please let me know.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, boy. this is really complicated and I am going to try to keep this simple.
If he has been in counseling since 5, there is a medical record on him. You need to get that. If somehow you are not the legal guardian, then his dad need to get that to you. Next you need to go to his old school and get all of his records transferred over to the new school. He must have been in special programs over there (if they say everything was fine - I doubt it - that will make this a lot easier to fix). Once the new school has his records, then they will have to follow (if he was in special ed) what they were doing and help him. I probably would also have his new school also request the records. It might go faster.
I don't have much info here. But I am guessing that - if he was in counseling since 5 - his old school was involved. I am guessing that he is in a brand new school with no records on him (happens a lot). If he was in special ed, its a straight pass. They've gotta follow the old IEP.
What bothers me is that the two agencies that should be helping you, are not. The school in particular should have been asking about testing etc. The fact they haven't? means they probably think he is just a discipline case, or he hasn't got into the system.
I would talk first with his teacher. I would think that she desperately wants him to get help. Ask her what has been done. Has she recommended testing, etc. But I think the main thing is to get all of the old records to the new school.
Now realize that I am guessing about what has been done or not done. However, I think your best bet for help is going to be with or through the school system. If you can supply any more info about what went on in his old schools, etc., that would be helpful.
The boy has been through a lot. He might be bipolar (would be helpful to know what the counseling was for and if he was on any meds - and for that matter, was he on meds and is now not on them? Or do you even know what went on?). And if you know what he was in counseling for - that would be super helpful. There are ways to work with children who have these problems, but you need to know what the problem is. Frankly, and I know that you are very busy. I would call whoever was doing the counseling and find out what was going on. This is super important!
By the way, the school doesn't have a choice about dealing with him. We actually have laws that even work in texas that force schools to deal with individual with disabilities. And its major law suits if they don't.
Aside from all of the above. There should be ways for you and him to coexist better. Try and look at things through his eyes a bit. Its gotta be super hard on you with the younger kids around. Is there another male in the house? Your son also needs to get out and run around and blow off this energy/anger, it would be tough for you to do that.
This is going to take some work on your part, but since no one else seems like they want to - its up to you. Please post if you get more information or have any more questions. Best wishes!!!
If he has been in counseling since 5, there is a medical record on him. You need to get that. If somehow you are not the legal guardian, then his dad need to get that to you. Next you need to go to his old school and get all of his records transferred over to the new school. He must have been in special programs over there (if they say everything was fine - I doubt it - that will make this a lot easier to fix). Once the new school has his records, then they will have to follow (if he was in special ed) what they were doing and help him. I probably would also have his new school also request the records. It might go faster.
I don't have much info here. But I am guessing that - if he was in counseling since 5 - his old school was involved. I am guessing that he is in a brand new school with no records on him (happens a lot). If he was in special ed, its a straight pass. They've gotta follow the old IEP.
What bothers me is that the two agencies that should be helping you, are not. The school in particular should have been asking about testing etc. The fact they haven't? means they probably think he is just a discipline case, or he hasn't got into the system.
I would talk first with his teacher. I would think that she desperately wants him to get help. Ask her what has been done. Has she recommended testing, etc. But I think the main thing is to get all of the old records to the new school.
Now realize that I am guessing about what has been done or not done. However, I think your best bet for help is going to be with or through the school system. If you can supply any more info about what went on in his old schools, etc., that would be helpful.
The boy has been through a lot. He might be bipolar (would be helpful to know what the counseling was for and if he was on any meds - and for that matter, was he on meds and is now not on them? Or do you even know what went on?). And if you know what he was in counseling for - that would be super helpful. There are ways to work with children who have these problems, but you need to know what the problem is. Frankly, and I know that you are very busy. I would call whoever was doing the counseling and find out what was going on. This is super important!
By the way, the school doesn't have a choice about dealing with him. We actually have laws that even work in texas that force schools to deal with individual with disabilities. And its major law suits if they don't.
Aside from all of the above. There should be ways for you and him to coexist better. Try and look at things through his eyes a bit. Its gotta be super hard on you with the younger kids around. Is there another male in the house? Your son also needs to get out and run around and blow off this energy/anger, it would be tough for you to do that.
This is going to take some work on your part, but since no one else seems like they want to - its up to you. Please post if you get more information or have any more questions. Best wishes!!!
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