Help with 14 year old daughter

My daughters father and I were never married nor lived together. My husband and I got together when she was 8 months old. Her father hasn't always been there for her. He doesn't help us get the things she needs or anything. He lies to her all the time he is now married also and has 1 other child and a step child. My daughter wants his love so bad. She has alot of anger when it comes to her father and she doesn't know how to handle it. My husband and I both are here for her but sometimes it's not enofe everyone ends up fussing and then nothing is acomplished. She has stolen things and when we find out about it she want say anything at all. I'm really worried about her. Her and her step father has a very good relation but it isn't enofe for her. How can we help her, does she need canceling or what. I know how she feels cause my father done me the same way but mine didn't live close by. Her's does and he will drive by and not stop even if she is in the yard and he doesn't realize what he is doing to her. I know some of the pain from my child hood but I'm not sure how to help her. I don't want to make her mad at me. Talking isn't enofe with her. Could you please tell me something I could do to help this child. This is driving me crazy and talking to her dad he acts like he hasn't done anything wrong. She is also boy crazy, smoking behind our backs, cursing (not in front of us though) I beleave she still takes things that's not hers. Any information would be greatly appreaciated. All she wants is for him to show her love like he does his other children. SHe is his first born.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The best thing you can do for your daughter is to introduce her to some therapy arrangement. If you need some guidance about how to do this, check with her pediatrician or a guidance person at her school. You can't solve problems having to do with her relationship (or absence of a relationship) with her father. But a therpaist can help her sort out her reactions in this important sphere of her life.