Help

I have a 15 mth old little girl who since birth has never wanted to sleep by herself.  I would get her to sleep and as soon as I would lie her down in her bed she would wake up and cry.  I would put her in bed with me to get sleep and she slept as well.  I finally got her to sleep in her own bed all night at 9mths.  We moved to a new house a couple of weeks before she turned 1 and she slep in her new room for 2 weeks and then started waking up 10 mins or so after I put her in and wouldn't go back to bed until I put her in bed with my husband and I.  It's been 4 mths since then and she is still sleeping in our bed.  We both really need the sleep because our bed just isn't big enough for the 3 of us and she needs her own bed.  I tried last night to start putting her in her bed again and after 15 mins she was up crying.  I layed her back down and patted her but she wouldn't give in.  I took her out and rocked her some more and put her back.  She slept an hour and was up again.  She ended up back in our bed.  How do I get her to sleep back in  her own bed so she can sleep decently and so can we?  I don't know what to do and I can't take it when she cries.  She hardly ever cries and is a very good baby so I feel guilty to let her cry when she doesn't understand.  Please help.


This discussion is related to Child won't sleep in own bed.

[Agiesmom]

My 13-month-old starts out in the porta-crib next to my side of the bed, but always ends up in our bed (but we have plenty of room with a California King bed).  She's in the porta-crib more than she used to be, though.  Can you maybe transition your daughter that way?  Into a porta-crib next to your bed...and then maybe move the portacrib into her room (maybe by gradually moving it towards your bedroom door, into the hall and then into her room)?

My sister had her kids "trained" to sleep through the night in their own rooms by the time she returned to work.  But I've always been a stay-at-home/work-from-home mom and am much more of a go-with-the-flow kind of mom (and I just won't do the cry-it-out thing).  I just want all of us to be able to get sleep and if that means a kid is in my room (on a crib mattress on the floor or in a crib), that's ok with me.

[indigo39]

That's exactly what I had to do; put my son's bed in my room. It may not work for everyone, but it got him used to sleeping in his bed while still having me near for comfort.

[LRM1021]

My husband and I did not let our child sleep in our bed for the first several years of his life. No matter what we did, let him cry, whatever-- he did NOT sleep through the night. Never -- maybe 3 times in 2.5 years-- when he was extremely ill.

I was losing my mind. I did everything the drs told me to do.

Then finally, my husband did something --

1. He put the child in our bed, and
2. Turned on the television for the child to fall asleep, and
3.Stayed in the room until he was asleep, and then
4. He bought a bigger bed - because we needed more room if this was going to be a new habit.

And it was.My son slept through the night from that day on.

We put him in his own room now, because he is six -- and its WAY too crowded even in the King:)

However, one of us still stays with him to go to sleep, and the TV MUST BE ON or he cannot sleep.

So -- in short-- I did everything that the DRs told me to do, and no one in my house slept.
I did everything that the DRS told me NOT TO DO, and everyone gets a good night sleep.

[ColonelMarksman]

Well, #1, any psychologist will immediately recognize the problem, very easily.

You moved.

As far as she's concerned, she's living on a different planet. You have to remember that your perspective is not the same as hers. She doesn't have the same knowledge and comforts you do because she doesn't have the experience. If you never experienced moving to a different planet, how would you feel if you were forced to sleep in a different city of a different planet while your husband slept in a different city of the same alien planet. If you were a normal person, you'd feel insecure and you'd probably want to sleep with your husband.

That sounds rather silly, but seriously consider this. It's your perspective and what she's feeling. Moving is NOT the time to try and continue the same, lone routine you tried out earlier in the old house. She has a total of 15 months of experience in her life, and as a human being, she uses that 15 months of experience.

A new experience (sleeping in her own bed) coupled with moving (a new environment) is always difficult.


You can't expect things to work out if you try to make it from one extreme (being comfortably with you) to the next (alone in her own room). You have to make it gradual and slow. Everyone seemed to have given some good advice, but let me take it a step further.

To slow down the process, put some bedding in the room for her to sleep on. Over time, move the bedding away from your bed. If you inch it away every night, she won't notice for a long time. Then she'll wake up one morning and realize that the bed was a lot further than she remembered a week ago, and everything is totally fine.

Once you get her as far from the bed as possible, start trying to get her into her own bed, but put the same bedding in her room, and you sleep there. Then slowly inch the bedding away from her bed and soon start sleeping in the hallway if you wish, with the door open. You can go from sleeping right outside the bedroom door for a few nights to shutting the door and reminding her that you're still there. After a few more nights, move back into bed.


By doing it this way, you make it clear to her from an early age that you care for her enough to sacrifice your lone sleeping time and that you love her enough to understand her. It's a big step towards gaining trust and parenting help when she gets older. When she's a teenager, she can't use the phrase, "My parents just don't understand me." And that whole set of problems are out the window because from an early age, even if she doesn't have the ability to comprehend it, will know it in her heart.