Hitting a child

  This debate is raging about our family, perhaps we can ask your opinion... is it ever right to hit a child? We have a 2 year old that tends to be very rambuntious. TIA. -Joe

[HVM Ph.D. - KDK]

Dear Joe,
    
     Welcome to the world of many households where the debate about physical discipline is raging. As with many controversial issues, there are extremes at both ends of the spectrum. Some argue that any physical discipline is ill-advised and even harmful; others advocate strongly that 'to spare the rod is to spoil the child'.
     We usually suggest that the battle over physical discipline doesn't even have to be joined, because there are alternatives to physical discipline that are effective and that don't carry the possible unintended consequences (e.g., a child 'modeling' parents and using physical means to control others; using physical aggession to express anger or frustration) that can derive from physical discipline.
     For a 2 yr. old, famous for their oppositional and sometimes defiant behavior, we usually recommend time out as the most reliable and effective means of discipline. Here are a few guidelines: (a) issue directions no more than twice; (b) if a direction needs to be repeated, issue it in the form of an ultimatum (firmly, but not loudly or in a punitive tone) - e.g., "Susan, unless you ..........................., you are going to time out"; (c) place the child in an adult-size chair or the bottom step of a staircase; (d) employ a self-standing timer to track the time; (e) start the timer only when the youngster is quiet; (f) at the conclusion of the time out period, ask "What got you here?" (i.e., What happened that resulted in the time out?); "What can you do the next time?" (i.e., What alternative behavior can you use to handle the situation?).
     You might find the following resources helpful: S.O.S.: Help for Parents (by Lynn Clark); 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (by Thomas Phelan).