What things can you look for for behavior wise?
What simple questions can you ask to a five year that they can answer easily on the topic, without scaring them or making them feel bad?
Shouldn't a very social 5 yr old be able to articulate any wrong touching on them? When they are able to say that if you say words like "stupid, fat etc are bad wrongs" and don't say them to you.
This child is highly intelligent and not one to peep down on things, but I wonder if bribbed would they keep hush? :(
I don't know, I just was told something and I have the opportunity this weekend to see the child and ask things.
Very stressed about all of this..
Me and my son who is 4. Have had the privates talk. I used very simple words. I explained that these are his privates and no one is allowed to touch him there, but mommy and daddy and grandma, but only to wipe your butt after the bathroom. Then I explained that if someone does to make sure he tells mommy or an adult. He seemed to understand. Do you think the child is being molested currently. If so you could also take him to the doctor. If the child is there would be evidents of this I am sure(redness in private areas)
I heard just yesterday that possibly something might have happened but it was so much 3rd party stuff, I don't have any real facts. I can't take the child to the dr., I am sure I wouldn't be permitted to, and the person who may be doing the molesting is in that home ( a new stepdad) No proof.. But I have heard that the child in question has been acting up lately in school, and they normally don't.
I think she knows about where you touch and don't touch..but I dont know if shed tell on someone in her home :(
And the source of the info is questionable, but still I don't want to push it off and not look into it for myself. Because it will bother me if I don't try to sort through it for myself.
If she knows the where you touch and dont touch. I would look for signs maybe she is touching herself(like an uncomfortable feeling in her privates) Ask her how is it at home. How does she like her new stepdad. If he is doing something that should get some type of reaction out of her. Ask if he plays games with her. Really what kind of games. Ease into the questions based on her responses.
Thanks again, I'm jotting down all those questions you just told me. I don't have any children but I think this little one is so sweet and awesome and I don't want anything bad to happen to her that may harm her, and I know if I get proof and tell (which I will tell) all hell will break loose afterwards and I will be looked upon as a troublemaker. But if this child tells me something did happen I WILL BELIEVE HER 100%.
I have asked her I think 2 weeks ago how she likes her new step daddy and she said hes nice, but that was it and then she wanted to talk about my kitty *smiles*
I think I am in panic mode at what I heard and I have to clam it down some when I see her so i don't make my anxiousness on what I heard startle her not to be open with me.
It makes me actually sick to my stomach to think that something bad was done to her and makes me very emotional and I know that isn't a good combo when I see her and start asking things.
All you told me are terrific things I can ask her that will ease her into a casual chat with me.
I forgot to ask:
She always likes to play tea and dollies and I was thinking using the dollies as a way to bring up the touching issue with her. Should I do it with the dollies or on her on person instead?
She's a very loving huggy kissy lil child especially to people close to her, she wants you to know she cares about you and I don't want her to ever feel all grownups take advantage of that :(
I had the same issue with a girl my wife was babysitting. The girls mom is just no good at all, lots of differnent men in and out of her life, and I worried about what the little girl might have been through to make her do some of the things she was doing while she was at out house.
I think my wife and I gave her a more caring home than she ever had before, but her mom found a cheaper place to take her (even though she barely paid us enough to cover the cost of her food...)
We found some literature our church had on hand. Basically a coloring book that explained how important it was to tell someone you trust if something happened.
She didn't bring anything up to us when we presented it to her, but at least I know she has an understanding of what she needs to do if she feels uncomfortable with someone.
You might try looking online for something like that book. If you want, I'll see if there was some contact information where you can get a copy.
You will NOT be looked at as a troublemaker, you be looked at as a hero IF something is truly going on. You could save that child's entire life and entire future if something bad is happening to her. Of course the stepdad won't feel that way, but who cares what a molester thinks (if he is one anyway). 91004 had some great ideas on questions to ask and it's good that you wrote them down. Your question about the child being bribed, my answer is yes and no. It would all depend on what he told her to bribe her, or if he made threats if she told, like hurting her mommy. My kids blab EVERYTHING and are brutally honest most of the time, and I see that in a lot of kids at that age, so you may have a shot in finding the answer if you ask the right questions. Good luck and please keep us posted!!
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