How do I deal w/ this situation?

My daughter is 5 and a half. Yesterday she told me of a "secret" that she had between her and her 11 yr old cousin. I had to get her to forget that I was mommy for a while and gained her trust to get her to tell me the secret. This secret is that her cousin, who is female, molested her about 2wks ago when they were her for a visit. She was very descriptive with details of what happenend and also what was said at that time. My question is this: How exactly should I handle this? I know that her cousin is getting to the age of curiosity and that could be all it is, but at the same time she has a little sister that is not yet 3. I have concern for this same thing happpening to her, but at the same time do not know how her mother would handle this or if she would believe me. Also my daughter seems different now that she has told me. When I am talking with my husband or mother-in-law she is very concerned that I'm going to tell our secret,I had to promise not to tell anyone before she would talk to me. At the same time, she acts as though she wants to talk about it constantly, she started to tell my mother-in-law this morning but then changed her mind and told another story, but regardless of what the conversation she keeps referring to her secret. It's like know that she has told someone it's ok for her to talk about it yet she doesn't want to betray her cousin by telling anyone else. I am just looking for advice in the proper steps to take to deal with the entire situation and would appreciate any help I can get. Thank You in advance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's important to tell her cousin's parents what you understand, based on your daughter's account, occurred. No, you won't be able to know with any certainty how they might respond, but that is beside the point. You have a responsibility to convey the information, and not collude in keeping a secret. Curiosity is one thing, but sexual mistreatment is another, and if this occurred the parents are entitled to know. Relative to your daughter and your promise of not telling, let her know that you made a mistake when you made this promise, and that the behavior that occurred is wrong and parents need to know about it. If your daughter is afraid of her cousin's anger, let her know you will take care of her and protect her. She will actually be relieved that the story has been told.

[lynda]

The doctors are right, but being a therapeutic foster home I have learned a lot about children who abuse. I am worried about the 11yr old. Flags fly high with my family and friends when we hear of this behavior. Telling the family may be right, but I would have rather you have told an outside source. Child abuse often shows up in inappropriate behavior of the child. It is not unusual to have children acting out things that have been
done to them. Please think on this, and make your decisions in the best interest of both children.