How do I get along with my girlfriends 10 year old?

I'm a 28 year old man, dating a 32 year old woman, with a 10 year old. The father is non-existent and has never been in the picture. Her daughter has made it clear she is not interested in a new man being in their lives. She has admitted to not liking me and it seems she is doing everything in her power to try and separate us. This puts my girlfriend in the middle of trying to make everyone happy and it is putting a strain on our relationship. When I'm around, her daughter constantly complains.  She will complain about anything while we are together, which brings a lot of negativity to the environment.  Her daughter also craves constant attention. Her negative attitude also comes out verbally. Almost every time I try and communicate with her, it is responded back with some kind of attitude. Her attitude towards her mother is also unacceptable. She has to be asked multiple times to do something and sometimes doesn’t take no for an answer. One of the biggest issues I have is that her daughter still likes to sleep in the same bed as her mom. I've tried to discuss this with my girlfriend. I’ve explained that I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with them and that I felt like she was using this as a tool to keep us apart. I feel those moments where I can chat and hold my spouse are important to ending the day well. It is a time to speak and be heard with no interruptions and is a sacred place of intimacy. We have only been together for a short time, but are very much in love. I know my girlfriend’s main concern was maybe it was too much and too fast for her daughter. Now we try not to see each other as much during the week. I feel this is a form of digression and I’m not sure if us spending less time together is the right answer. We have discussed building a future together and possibly marriage. Her daughter has also heard us discussing this, demanding that it will never happen and that her mother can only marry who she approves of.  What do I do?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

All you can do is behave in a reasonable, patient way with this little girl. She is in a difficult situation, and it is important to be sensitive to that. However, her mother is not managing this well. The girl needs to have some limits set, including where she sleeps, and only her mother can do this. Her mother would do well to obtain some counseling for herself about how she can manage the situation better.