How do I get my girlfriend's 4 year old daughter to like me?

[Andruha]

I am 43 years old and I have a 27 year old girlfriend with a 4 year old daughter. I am English and my girlfriend is Russian. For the past 3 years the daughter has lived with my girlfriends parents because my girlfriend needs to work and study and is unable to support and look after her. She visits her daughter every 2 to 3 months and typically spends a week at a time with her. My girlfriend's daughter has no contact with her real father. My girlfriend recently visited her parents and spent a week with her daughter after which she returned to the city where she lives with her daughter so that I could meet her and spend time with them both. Unfortunately her daughter appears to be extremely jealous of me and constantly says she is afraid of me despite my absolute kindness and concern for her. If I hug or kiss my girlfriend in front of her she either crys, runs away or pulls us apart. She will not hold my hand, allow me to hand her anything or accept any form of help from me. So far I have spent a day out with my girlfriend and daughter together five times over a period of 10 days but my girlfriends daughter's behaviour remains the same. My girlfriend and I are keen to live together as a family. How can we get my girlfriends daughter to like me and accept me?

[SeriousSam]

Of course the daughter hates you!  You are a dad replacement and despite what the primarily divorced women on this group might often say or think, dads are rarely (or moms for that matter) the ogres that their ex's paint them as being to justify any actions that they might take.  And even the ones that are are rarely that way to the kids.

In addition you get to see her mom more than she does!  Why shouldn't she be jealous, and then when she finally does see her mom you arr still around.  If you want to get the daughter and mother to BOTH like you facilitate them ebing able to do things together without you or with you as more of the background furniture rather than being in the foreground.


That is of course the best initial contact.Why does the father have no contact?  The reason will tell you quite a bit about your girlfriend and what to expect if you have children with her, or even if you come to think of her daughter as your own.