How do I know if my child is being sexually abused

[ConcernedFather88]

Hi, I'm a 26 year old father and I have a beautiful little girl who is 3 years old.  Her mother and I are not together so I only have her on weekends. She has had many rashes and irritations which her mother always said was diaper rash.   Recently she has been saying things that I have started notice are very sexual and I don't think a girl her age should be saying or describing.  The latest time was the past weekend we were watching a movie and eating some fruits.  She began to eat a blackberry and bit it in half when part of the berry stayed sticking out she licked it and turned to me saying "Look Daddy,  I'm licking his pee pee."  I said "Little girls shouldn't be doing things like this.  Where did you learn this from?"  She replied "Whats wrong, Daddy.  It's just a blackberry."  Should I be alarmed by this or is it normal for a girl of her age?

[marie4u]

you know this is not normal thing. this is alarming situation. her mother should be questioned about this.

[AnnieBrooke]

Rather than "confront" the mother and "put a stop" to what you think is happening, ASK the mother, in a concerned way.  I.e., not (accusatory voice) "What have you been allowing Jessie to hear? Do you know what she said to me the other day!?!" but instead, (concerned voice) "I need to understand something.  The other day Jessie said, [give example] and I am wondering how such a little girl would even know that idea or language.  Is she getting access to cable channels that are for adults, or does someone you know talk like that?"  If you *genuinely* come at it as a co-parent who wants to solve a problem, your ex might open up with you and try to figure it out and problem-solve over where it came from.  But if you come on judgemental and authoritarian, I can guarantee you won't solve the problem.  And you want the child not to get yelled at or for a problem to be hidden.

[ConcernedFather88]

Thank you for you advice. This is my first and only child.  It was very alarming to me to hear her speak like this and wasn't sure what could be the cause. It really helps ease my worry hearing some advice from other people about my situation.  I will be keeping track of what she says and when she says it and I will confront her mother about the inappropriate use of language around her and and see if I can't put a stop to it.  Thanks again.  

[AnnieBrooke]

Or, someone in her world makes sexual jokes and outrageous comments to be funny, inappropriate as doing so is in front of a child.  Keep a journal of your concerns and the dates, and what the child says.  It does sound more like she is repeating something she has heard, than that she is experiencing being molested.  Then sit down with your ex wife and see if she is dating someone who talks like this.

[JasMG]

This is not normal for kids her age. She is obviously hearing this language somewhere often and thinks its okay to say which is why she is repeating it to you. I would talk to her mother about the inappropriate language use and see if you can get to the bottom of it and then go from there. Try not to make big assumptions until you have a conversation with her mother because there is a possibility that she could have heard this on television.