How do I let go of my baby??

In September I will be returning to work after being on maternity leave for over a year.  I will have to leave my son, who will be 15 months in day care.  I am gonna try to ease him in starting in July for a day or two.

I am so worried that he is gonna be traumatized by this.  He has been home with me all his life.  How do I handle this?

[RockRose]

He probably will be traumatized by this.

Is there anyway you could put off working until he's in school - the preschool years flee by so fast and then they're gone forever.  

[Trialanderror]

If delay of work or part time is not an option, you definitely want to give your baby and yourself more time to get used to the new situation. One day will not be enough, rather a week or two when you leave him in the new environment. First for 30 minutes, next day for an hour and so on. You both need to practice the departure and the reunion. The daycare centers will always tell you "oh, he was fine after you left" but I do see way too many crushed little souls in the toddler room when I drop of my own son. I placed my son in an organized private home care until 2.5 so he would have a chance to bond with the lady who provided the care. It was a blessing. And even when he switched to the typical large daycare at age 2.5, he was not ready to be just a number in the system. Once your baby feels well in the new situation, you will find it easier to let go but he will always prefer to be with you for a few more years. At that age it is all parallel play, so to the toddler there is no advantage of being in a large group of kids. If you do not have a choice, at least make sure you do a lot of things after you pick him up that are special to both of you now. It is hard, and yes, those years pass way too quickly, but if you maintain a close bond with your baby regardless, he can learn the precious lesson that whatever happens, mommy will always be there. Good luck.

[Raine9]

Thanks for the comments.

I really don't have a choice but to go back to work unless I want to lose my job.  My husband does not make enough to support the entire family.  I live in L.A., the cost of living here is crazy!  I think leaving him for a short time for the entire week or two is a better idea than just 1or 2 days a week. The day care will also let me stay with him in the beginning until he gets used to one of the teachers.  It sucks that I have to do this to him.

[PJJane]

He will be fine.  Do it slowly, a little bit at a time.  Get him really excited about going to "school" - I did that so successfully that one of my daughters just ran off to join the "Tod Squad" singing "Rudolph" and jingling bells, leaving me standing there at the door, tissue in hand!  He will learn how to make friends, and play games, and follow rules.  He will learn how to get along with others, and learn lots of silly songs even you don't know.  You will have more pasta art than you can ever fit on your refrigerator.

The truth is that children are resilient.  Sometimes kids can even live through horrible things - for years of their young lives - and turn out just fine with proper support, discipline and lots of love.  I have a few foster kids in my house right now that are living proof.  And excellent daycare isn't remotely a horrible thing, it can be a wonderful enriching experience.

The truth is, it will hurt you far more than him.  Not only because he will probably cry when you leave at first and that will break your heart, but because after you come home from work and have all the household pressures on you, you'll need to spend time with him to keep that bond strong and loving.  That's ok though.  Let the dishes sit in the sink, sit on the floor and build a house with your son.  

Go forward, do it, and don't regret it.  Guilt is natural for so many decisions about our kids - no one really has the answers - but just push it aside and be optimistic and positive.  If you notice your son changing in any significant way, you can always quit your job (from which you'd be fired now, anyway) or take a job with less time requirements.  Daycare contracts are not signed in blood.  

[Raine9]

Thank you so much for such an encouraging post!

Sometimes I feel so guilty when other moms (like my sister...) make me feel like I am so terrible for going back to work.  i stayed home with home for as long as i can.  but the reality is, we are not rich and cannot support two kids and pay the mortgage on one income.

i know there are benefits to good day care.  my daughter is 3 and loves her preschool/day care.  she made friends and loves her teacher.  we have a friend who's daughter can speak fluent and flawless Mandarin because of her care givers at the day care she attends.  i'm just worried about my son cuz he is so attached to me and he so young.  my daughter was older before we put her in daycare.  her grandpa took care of her prior to that. unfortunately he has health problems and can no longer take care of the kids.

thanks again and happy mother's day!!

[ticked]

he will be tramatized by this?????????  That is crazy.  My daughter was 12 months old and she is 4 now and is perfectly fine.  She was in a home daycare until the daycare centre could take her at 15 months and has been there ever since.  If the daycare is a good one than your child should have no issues whatsoever.  Picking the right daycare is what is the most important thing.