I am so lucky to have married a wonderful woman with a very intellegent nearly 13 year old daughter. I have been the only father figure this child has or had since she was 5 years old. The problem is that when I try to discuss "how the day went" or "how's the horse doing (that was a Christmas present) today," I get no responce or leave me alone, I don't want to talk about it.
It's very trying on our relationship let alone the relationship between her mother and I. I get to the point that it's not worth fighting it and just stay out of the way and keep to myself in my room.
What to do?????????????
Probably the focus needs to be on what is generating the alienation. Now, it's common to think that parents and stepchildren will have some conflict in their relationship because "you're not my parent". But this is not necessarily so - it depends. It depends on many factors: the personality makeup of the child and stepparent, the relationship of the child with the biological parent(s), the particulars of the day-to-day interactions, the nature of developmental influences (e.g., early adolescence), and others. You might arrange a few sessions with a family therapist or a child/adolescent therapist with the intention of clarifying the nature of the conflict - i.e., why the conflict is occurring. Only then will it be possible to figure out what you can do about it.
She is maybe thinking that she is not important in the family.
She is only exsisting.
And that what she feels, nobody really cares about.
I fear this is extremely common,I would wish a wealth of information on this subject could be available to us.
I have found that talking needs to be their idea, so you need to find away for her to talk. When this happens really really listen to her. You will find she that she loves to have you attention!
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