How to get my 4 year old to sleep by herself

A little over 3 years ago my husband left for another woman and we are now divorced.  When he moved out, my daughter was having a hard time sleeping through the night.  To help her (and me) get more sleep I started putting her in the bed with me (she was about 1 1/2).  This helped to comfort her, but I also know it helped comfort me too.  However, now she's 4 1/2 and begs me to sleep with her still that she'll start sleeping by herself when she's 5 (she said that when she turned 4 she would too).  If I lay down with her and then leave the room she whines and gets out of bed, begging me to come back.  When she stays at her Father's house she sleeps by herself.  How can I help her to go to sleep by herself?  

[margypops]

You did what any mom would have done ,whats nicer than sleeping with your mom, now comes the tough bit.,you have to say no and tell her she has to stay in her own room,like she does at her daddies house. She will try to make you feel guilty and cry and come in to your room, you have to be firm and take her back. After a few days she will give up once she knows you mean it.If you lay down with her on her bed she is still getting mixed messages, .some families put a bed beside their own  and some sleep together till it solves itself at puberty and they want their privacy.Good luck most of us have been through this ..

[benjimom]

My son is six and finally just started to want to sleep in his own bed.   I haven't pushed the issue too much. I figured he would when he was ready.`  Have you tried nightlights and assuring her you will be right there if she wakes up and needs you?

[specialmom]

Well,  it is really hard when we ourselves set things up for our kids to have difficulty with.  Co sleeping unless you are in it for the long haul is one of those things.  It actually happened with my niece and sister after our mother died.  My niece started sleeping in my sister's room and everyone was in deep grief and it seemed fine at the time.  A year or so later, my sister and husband wanted their privacy back and felt it would be best for everyone if she got back to sleeping in her own room.

It was a rough week or so.  They first went and got some items to spruce up her room.  Cute things she was excited about.  Then they did a bed time ritual and in she went to bed.  No laying with her, no prolonging the situation------------  and each time she left her room, they walked her back.  Took a week and she slept on her own and has ever since.  She was your child's age when this happened.

It is a habit to undo.  Just as I imagine part of the "comfort" of her sleeping with you after the divorce was that you weren't used to sleeping along.  Also when someone first begins spending the night with their partner, it takes some getting use to sleeping WITH someone when you are used to it.  It is all habit and that means you can break this one.  

good luck.  One to two weeks of her being upset but stay calm, kind but firm and just walk her back to her room.  good luck

[divorcedmommy]

thank you all for your suggestions and support - it is hard, but I know it will get better and be fixed.  She has a night light and music/radio in her room now and we try to stay on a bedtime routine when my schedule allows.