How to handle violent child in a preschool class

[lemonade8]

I teach 4-5 yr old children, and have a child in my class that disrupts constantly.  When expected to follow routine and isn't in the mood, will first refuse, then if given alternate activity, will reject alternate and join activity with others, only to disrupt.  Often circle time or story time.  I try to use humor, tell him our expectations, or ignore, but he only increases (talking, walking in front of children, on to yelling) until I ask him to leave area.  He then refuses and disrupts by screaming in my face, kicking, punching, hitting, biting me.  I end up picking him up and taking him to the director to deal with.  I have little support from his Mom. I hate to say this, but I am starting to resent this child, and I feel that even though the director has demanded therapy as a condition of this child staying in my class, there has been little change in 3 months, and there is no other class in which to place him.  He came to my class early because the 3 yr old teachers were threatening to quit if he didn't leave.  I try to give him positive reinforcement whenever I catch him being good, and before he came to my class I tried to bond with him. He likes me and seems to trust me above the others, but the bond has no affect on his rages.  What can I do to stop them?  He came to hug me yesterday and I put on a fake smile and hugged him.  Inside I was disgusted.  Now he is purposely wetting himself.  (newest trick)  Should he be expelled? Will anything I do help without any real support from Mom? I'm out of tricks.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This child may not ultimately be capable of succeeding in your school. It's important to consider the impact on the other children, as well as what might be best for him. In any case, having parental support and a strong /parent/school alliance is critiacl in dealing effectively with children who have emotional problems typified by behavioral disturbance. One thing I'd suggest is intervening at the earliest sign of non-compliance, and immediately using time out before his state is in such a high degree of escalation. And try to retain your sense of humaneness toward him - he sounds very troubled, and it's important not to take this personally.

[ADHDMom]

I really think that you should pressure your director to enforce what she started and that is not let this child come until the mother gets the help needed for her son. As the mother of a son that was identical as this child, I was glad to get this help before he started regular school. Of course we went through a lot of different methods to no avail, but I can at least say he's getting help he needs. And maybe his mother doesn't appreciate what you are trying to do to help, I am here to tell you I do. My son had wonderful preschool teachers, and even though he put us all through the wringer, he survived and so did we. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy those days he was gone to school. Was just such a welcome relief. And so I can understand your feelings toward this child, more so out of frustration that you know this boy needs help. My sons teachers scheduled a lot of meetings, kept in contact through notes and over the phone on those days they weren't sure if I even read the notes ( since in that period there was days I was also at my breaking point and just wanted to ignore it. Good luck and I do hope your director will get soemthing done soon, not just for you but for that little boy also. He needs the love you show and the help.

[lemonade8]

Thank you so much.  I will definitely put him in time out faster, but it's hard to get into the habit of doing that!  ;D  They pound into your head (at college and cont. ed) that "time out is no good" and "give second chances"  Time to unlearn that if it will help.  Believe me, I want to help.

I am trying to keep myself from resentment, peanut!  I'm so glad you told me a Mom's side of the story.  I actually really like both him and his mother very much, but after a day of pure stress, all caused by her son, am unable to tell her anything without her getting angry at me and saying "What do you want me to DO?!?!" After nine hours of sporadic meltdowns, to get that kind of response.... I want to give her MANY options, none appropriate.  ;D  But I feel for her too.  If my son gave me even a fraction of the stress she must feel, I don't know if I could make it.  
I am happy that everything worked out with your son.  I'm desperately hoping that this little boy will make it through this.  He can be loving and sweet, and he's about the cutest thing you could hope for.  Best of luck to you.