How to help my son deal with his Absent father

[kimp30]

I posted this a few weeks ago and never received a response. Please read and comment on any suggestions, thanks you!!!


I have a son who is nine years of age. His father and I have split up a few years ago but his father was always present in his life until about six months ago. He used to pick his son up every Wednesday and would have him every other weekend. He has been a very active part of his entire life until a few months ago. His father met someone and three months later they got married and he decided to move four hours away. About a month or two after the move his wife got preganant. Since his father moved he has seen his son maybe two times and barley calls.  My son is starting to act out and he is showing alot of anger. He is talking back to me, being really disrespectful towards me arguing with me, etc...

When I try to talk to my son about his dad he either crys that he misses him or says he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm in the process of getting him into counselling. Actually I talked to my son about talking to someone other than me and he wants the counselling. I have tried several times to talk to his father and tell him issues I am now facing with his son, he puts the blame on me. He is very short with me and doesn't seem to care that his son is feeling lefted out and is having these issues.

Also I asked his father does he have any intention or plans on how he is going to figure out a way to make time or plan visits with his son. He just says he is working seven days a week and is working on it. Which I have heard this for months now... I pretty much just feel blown off and dont know whats the best thing to do for my son. My son is hurting and it's tearing me apart. Is their any sugesstions you may have for me?

[aid821]

Wow, i was shaking my head as i was reading this and really feel for you and your son. I think the most important thing to do first in this situation is attend the counselling, the wellbeing of your son is priority number 1. I feel if he doesn't attend soon, the more resentment and anger he is going to feel toward his father. It is great that he is agreeing to see one as alot of children would point blank refuse.

obviously no matter how matter how hard you've tried, or gone about trying to get through to your ex partner, nothing seems to work, therefore as hard as it'll be, leave him be for a while and don't make contact. I know it seems crazy to say, but maybe if you cut contact with him for a while, it might play on his mind which might trigger him to call because remember, he walked out on you both, so therefore he's got more that plays on his mind and more to feel guilty about if that makes sense.

I'm sorry i know it doesn't seem much and to be honest i'm not sure what else to suggest but i wish you and son all the best and hope he gets to see his dad again sometime soon! :)