How to stop lying?

After eleven years of growing up with a father that constantly lied to his wife and two children, constantly cheating and growing more agressive and angrier by the day, my son (11 years old, has ADHD and is on medication, which seems to be working since his father moved out) is beginning to pick up his father's traits. We are in the midst of a custody battle, and he is not allowed to see his father except under adult supervision. Lately, he has grown to lie more and more often, even to the point in which he no longer considers it wrong, no longer thinks about it before he says it. He has been suspended from school (a day a piece) twice in the last 4 months, once for knocking a boy from a fence, and once for saying "My team sucks" as they were teamed up for sports. (This is actually an injustice, this officer is also the one who told me, "stay with your husband, it's a lonely world out there".
He's taken to lying and saying that he left his progress report home when it's actually laying on the table, telling us that he has been moved up to an advanced math class, when he's still in the same he's always been in. We've shown him endless support and love, and done all we can to try to make him understand that the things going on around him are not his fault and that his father was not right in lying. Yet he still does it, day after day, and there seems to be nothing we can do to stop it. I am seeing a counselor myself, and I am beginning to think he may need to see one also.

Any help on this would be extremely appreciated. Thank you for your consideration.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Liza,

Your hunch is correct. The type of lying your son is doing is symtomatic of unrest. Of particular concern is that he may be developing a personality disorder, and if progress isn't made, he will manifest enduring character traits that will impair his interpersonal relationships throughout his life. Please follow up on your instinct to get help for him.

[LeAnne]

I completely understand where this women is coming from.  I have been dating a man now for over a yr who has a 12 yr. old girl who also has ADHD & mother who constantly lies herself, so at this point this child lies so much on a daily basic she doesn't even realize she is doing it & actually believes her own lies.  Her father & I have tried handling many different ways and we get nowhere.  It can be a lie over the smallest thing or over a big thing.  Even his daughter has said I wasn't born this way, I have learned this from my mother.  This child has been in therapy for at least 8 yrs., several therepists later she seems to be doing worse.To be quite honest the professionals she has seen, seem to do nothing except give out meds.  I would like to hear what a trained professional recommends to do in a situation like this, because every time she goes back to her moms the little progress that we make is always undone.  Sad to say, in this case this child in my eyes should have limited visits with the mother, but in the courts eyes even though they know alot about the mothers history since she is a mother (despite the kinds of examples she gives) they allow the child to be with her.  In the mean time this kids life on several different issues are going in the wrong direction, it's sad. Hopefully everything will go her sons way! I think in her situation just continue to give love & support & the less he sees of his father the better.  Good Luck!

[anneug2002]

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[Kain012]

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