How to teach patience

I have a four year old son.  He is an amazing kid.  I try always to focus in the positive qualities that he has.   Energetic and Hyperactive.  He is really good in sports and manual things.  He is organized and nite.  He loves books.  He is really kind with his baby brother.
Suddenly he acts with a lot of anger and frustration.  He will explode and hit me or scream really lout.  Throw his toys.   I try to discipline him in different ways:  time out, spanking, taking his toys away or no TV time.
His anger always come back.  He wakes up really happy and in split seconds he will be really angry over nothing.  In playdates he will be playing and if something does not go the way he likes, he will push his friends or hit them.  I need help!

[margypops]

Hes copying your behavior if you are spanking him, try less punishment and more understanding of his needs, you could try having a chair placed somewhere quiet, when he plays up, make him sit on it and put him back thre when he gets off it, as they all do. let him come off the chair whhen he is quietWhat triggers the explosions.

[Danale]

I agree, he is mirroring  you when he lashes out if you are spanking him.  I have a four and a half year old daughter who exhibits much of the same behavior, she is an extremely happy, kind hearted child but will, in the blink of an eye become angry or inconsolable for no reason.  I often lost my temper and yelled at her a lot and she actually handled her anger the same way.  It was very frustrating about half a year ago when it happened more often and my husband and I felt powerless to help her.  What helped us a lot was, like you, we tried to focus on her positive qualities and treat the other things with less importance.  For us, things became worse when we focused too much on the negative behaviors as everything became a challenge to her.  Also, we really made an effort to be more consistent with discipline and to be sure that there are consequences when she misbehaves, but making sure the consequences are age appropriate, time outs or no special treat, but not far reaching punishments, because I don't think a 4 year old can grasp that yet.  

The other thing that helped was that we made a huge effort to be more patient and calm with her and over time (it has taken about 6 months), but she has calmed down immensely and these incidents happen less and less.  Also I have been very firm about not giving into her when she protests, that no means no and she has learned to accept that more in stride.

Another thing that helped (and it sounds hokey I know) but I started talking about my feelings with my daughter.  Not in any serious way, but just to make an effort to explain how I am feeling at different times.  Like when she hugs me, I tell her it makes me feel happy.  Or if I am feeling a little down, I will tell her that I am feeling sad.  And so she is slowly starting to understand feelings I think (because she willt ell her stuffed animals she is happy or sad or angry).

Good luck, I hope one of these things helps you.

I think part of it is the natural maturing processed, that kids become a bit more civilized at 4 or 5 years so I wouldn't worry.  Just try to make an effort to