How to tell if my 3 year old is being abused

[Slbeaty]

I have a 3 1/2 year old who goes to school/daycare 3 days a week.  Shortly after she started she would cry and tell me she didn't want to go.  This continued for a few weeks and then she told me she didn't like her teacher.  When I asked her why, first she said she didn't know.  Then I asked her again, assured her nothing would happen no matter what she told me and that in order for me to protect her, I needed to know if something had happened.  So then she looked at the squirt bottle in front of her and said "she squirts me with the squirt bottle", she then looked at a booster table in the corner and said "she smushes me with the booster".  At this point, I thought she was just making  things up because she didn't want to go to school.  Another week or 2 goes by and she tells me "I don't wanna go to school, I don't like (teachers name)" again, I asked why.  She told me "her does bad things to me".  I asked what and she said "I don't know, please don't tell her I said that". I was worried at this point but again, not sure if it's just that she doesn't want to go to school.  Sometimes she will fib, for example, I asked if she had brushed her teeth while with her daddy and she said "yes but don't ask daddy".  So I took her out of this teachers class and had her placed in another class.  Although she is not under this teachers care anymore, she still sees this teacher and I can tell by the terrified reaction she has when she sees this teacher, something has happened.  I've never in 3 years, seen her so scared of someone.  She freezes and her eyes fill with tears.  This is the worst feeling in the world!  I am removing her from this school but want to get to the bottom of this.  How do I get my 3 year old to tell me what happened and make sure she knows how to protect herself?

[Slbeaty]

Thank you mark for your advice.  I am definitely not worried about her fibbing, I know at her age it's hard to make the distinction between imagination and reality, so I do realize this is a normal part of development.  My concern was more so about figuring out if something really happened and how to get her to tell me.  I really appreciate your advice, I had no idea that I should report it to CPS.  I will be calling them and filing a report, as well as taking my daughter to a mental health professional.  Thanks again for your advice Mark.

[MarkLakewood3367]

If you suspect that your daughter was abused in any way, you are obligated by law to report your suspicion to child protective services and/or the police.  Remember, you don't need proof to file a report.  Just a suspicion will do.  CPS and/or the police are mandated by law to investigate to determine if any abuse took place.  If this teacher hurt your daughter in any way, you certainly don't want her in a position of hurting other children!

Also, it is advised that you have your daughter evaluated by a mental health professional.  They are mandate reporters as they are obligated to report suspicion of abuse.  The mental health provider would be instrumental in helping your daughter express her feelings and open up about what may have occurred.

Don't worry about past times when your daughter fibbed.  What 3 1/2 year old hasn't fibbed from time to time?  Abuse is abuse.  Once identified, it needs to be dealt with.