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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Hyperactivity and destruction
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Hyperactivity and destruction
by desperate for help, Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM
I hope that someone can help.
I have a child who will be 4 in early April and was born a micro-premie 25 -26 weeks gestation and is extremely hyperactive and destructive.... At times he will listen very well and other times it seems as though he does not understand anything. I have taken him to a child phycologist about a year and a half ago who told me that his problems were very common with his prematurity and that I was doing an excellent job with getting him to listen and to understand and said that there was nothing that could be done to slow him down or to try and stop the destructivness. And yes he even tried to destroy her office.
This is some of the things that he has and still is doing.
1. He has torn up my kitchen floor to the point of needing to be replaced completely not just repaired. I was a sleep in the middle of the night when this was done so I do not know how.
2. Has stopped up my bathroom sink with newspaper and left the water running to the point of destroying the floor, again in the night time.
3. He has put numerous holes in the walls by slamming things into them.... this I seem him do.
4. He has gone through a bad problem with bitting everyone and everything in his path, including bitting my older child who is only 11 months older than him ( she has had as many as 12 bit marks at a time).
5. Has gotten underneath the baby's crib while he was sleeping and kicked the matress so much that he woke the baby up scaring him and banging him around in the crib along with beating on the sides of the crib while the baby (who is also a premie only not as early) was sleeping.
6. He likes to bang his head on the walls so hard that it scares the life out of me and when he gets told to many times to stop it he will go and bang his head on my daughters head.
7. He pushes the baby down to where he will bang his head on the furniture on his way to the floor.
This is just some of the things that he has done... I won't mention that I do not let him near our animals... yes he has always tried to hurt them too... he even caused my basset hound to turn mean by jumping on him and permanently injuring his spine to the point that I had to get rid of him because I feared for the kids.
I feel that part of his problem is jealousy towards the other two kids and animals because we had all of his thearapies done in our home for 3 years and he had a lot of attention from that especially since I work a lot of hours trying to help him conquer all possibilities. But the hyperactivity and destructiveness I was told to be very normal for a child who is born this early.... I have a hard time dealing with it. I cannot keep going like this... I am up night and day because I never know when he is going to strike again --- he does not sleep much at all, usually a couple of hours to 15 hours of awake time. My doctor has recently put me on medication because of panic and anxiety attacks and suspecting that I am starting to have heart problems from the stress of dealing with him.I am now getting ready to have a test done because the doctor thinks that I have had a mild heart attack some months back that I did not tell him about but I am now having symptoms of heart problems.
I spoke with my son's pediatrician several times about the situation who is also a neonatalogist that specializes in micro-premies and he even told me that this is normal and doesn't want to give him anything to slow him down because of his age and has no suggestions on what to do. Other than just deal with it and hope that he grows out of it which he probably won't.
If someone could please help me understand this childs behaviors and problems and how to deal with him I would be forever greatful. I am all out of ideas now and can no longer deal with it all and my next idea will be to move out with my other 2 kids and file for a divorce... My oldest child is only 4 and having emotional problems from living in this inviroment and I can't have this on going turmoil from him. The more attention this boy gets the worse he gets So please help if someone can because more attention has even failed.
Thank You,
Desperate
I have a child who will be 4 in early April and was born a micro-premie 25 -26 weeks gestation and is extremely hyperactive and destructive.... At times he will listen very well and other times it seems as though he does not understand anything. I have taken him to a child phycologist about a year and a half ago who told me that his problems were very common with his prematurity and that I was doing an excellent job with getting him to listen and to understand and said that there was nothing that could be done to slow him down or to try and stop the destructivness. And yes he even tried to destroy her office.
This is some of the things that he has and still is doing.
1. He has torn up my kitchen floor to the point of needing to be replaced completely not just repaired. I was a sleep in the middle of the night when this was done so I do not know how.
2. Has stopped up my bathroom sink with newspaper and left the water running to the point of destroying the floor, again in the night time.
3. He has put numerous holes in the walls by slamming things into them.... this I seem him do.
4. He has gone through a bad problem with bitting everyone and everything in his path, including bitting my older child who is only 11 months older than him ( she has had as many as 12 bit marks at a time).
5. Has gotten underneath the baby's crib while he was sleeping and kicked the matress so much that he woke the baby up scaring him and banging him around in the crib along with beating on the sides of the crib while the baby (who is also a premie only not as early) was sleeping.
6. He likes to bang his head on the walls so hard that it scares the life out of me and when he gets told to many times to stop it he will go and bang his head on my daughters head.
7. He pushes the baby down to where he will bang his head on the furniture on his way to the floor.
This is just some of the things that he has done... I won't mention that I do not let him near our animals... yes he has always tried to hurt them too... he even caused my basset hound to turn mean by jumping on him and permanently injuring his spine to the point that I had to get rid of him because I feared for the kids.
I feel that part of his problem is jealousy towards the other two kids and animals because we had all of his thearapies done in our home for 3 years and he had a lot of attention from that especially since I work a lot of hours trying to help him conquer all possibilities. But the hyperactivity and destructiveness I was told to be very normal for a child who is born this early.... I have a hard time dealing with it. I cannot keep going like this... I am up night and day because I never know when he is going to strike again --- he does not sleep much at all, usually a couple of hours to 15 hours of awake time. My doctor has recently put me on medication because of panic and anxiety attacks and suspecting that I am starting to have heart problems from the stress of dealing with him.I am now getting ready to have a test done because the doctor thinks that I have had a mild heart attack some months back that I did not tell him about but I am now having symptoms of heart problems.
I spoke with my son's pediatrician several times about the situation who is also a neonatalogist that specializes in micro-premies and he even told me that this is normal and doesn't want to give him anything to slow him down because of his age and has no suggestions on what to do. Other than just deal with it and hope that he grows out of it which he probably won't.
If someone could please help me understand this childs behaviors and problems and how to deal with him I would be forever greatful. I am all out of ideas now and can no longer deal with it all and my next idea will be to move out with my other 2 kids and file for a divorce... My oldest child is only 4 and having emotional problems from living in this inviroment and I can't have this on going turmoil from him. The more attention this boy gets the worse he gets So please help if someone can because more attention has even failed.
Thank You,
Desperate
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM
, Jan 10, 2001 12:00AM
I agree that it is not unusual for premature children to display some of the sorts of extreme hyperactivity, disorganization and impulse control problems that your son displays. Sound behavior management will help only to a certain extent, because much of the behavior is neurologically driven. Two things might be helpful. Because of the special needs involved, your local school district might be able to offer a specialized pre-school program. Also, it would be wise, given the extreme nature of the behavior, to consider a medication consultation. We are usually reluctant to treat with medication at this age, but it is absolutely a sensible thing to consider when the difficult behavior is so damaging to relationships and to family stability. Finally, be sure to arrange some counseling for yourself so that you can receive some support in this trying situation.
HE GOES TO A BEHAVIORL SCHOOL THROUGH THE SCHOOL SYSTEM.ITS A EARLY INTERVENTION PROGRAM.ALMOST EVERY STATE HAS THEM.(I THINK)
MY SON STARTED HIS BEHAVIOR WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 6 MONTHS OLD.BANGING HIS HEAD ON THINGS WHILE BLOOD WOULD BE GUSHING OUT.
THEN HE STARTED KICKING HOLES IN THE WALL.HE BROKE EVERYTHING HE GOT HIS HANDS ON, INCLUDEING HIS SISTERS.LIKE YOUR CHILD MY SON HAS A SISTER 12 MONTHS YOUNGER. BUT ALL THIS STARTED BEFOR SHE WAS BORN.I WISH YOU LUCK. WE HAVE A DISPLINE TOOL THAT SEEMS TO HELP PRETTY GOOD.(THANK YOU DOCTORS)ITS CALLED THE BEAR HUG. YOU SIT ON THE FLOOR WITH YOUR BACK AGENST THE WALL.YOU PUT YOUR CHILD IN YOUR LAP WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED AND WRAPPED AROUND HIM.(LIKE IF HE WAS GIVING HIMSELF A HUG. THEN YOU PUT YOUR LEGS AROUND HIM. DONT LET HIM GO TILL HE QUIET FOR 10 SEC. IT IS VERY TIREING BUT IT HELPS AND IT DOESNT HURT HIM.(IT MIGHT YOUR LEGS)
DONT TALK TO HIM DURING IT EITHER,OH YEA, WATCH HIS HEAD. IF HES LIKE MY SON HE WILL TRY TO HEAD BUNT YOU. GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.AND HANG IN THERE.