I don't know what to do

[justme728]

my 12 year old daughter has gone through 'stages' since she was 5.  She would act out behaviorally, or seem depressed.  Blood tests were taken, teachers were spoken to, therapists were seen.  Everything panned out 'healthy'.  At 12 she will constantly fight with her twin sister.  She will give me a difficult time with finishing her chores.  If she doesnt get her way with something, she will scream and talk disrespectively to me.  When sent to her room, she will continue to scream and cry for an hour or so. she'll scream that noone loves her or cares about her.  Ive also had to go to her school twice in a month because she wet her pants.  When she's her happy self, she promises me that nothing is wrong or upsetting her, and she knows how she acts/talks is wrong.  but, she cant seem to control it.  I'm looking online about difiant behaviors, depression.....my heart is breaking.  I don't know what to do or how to help her.  She always places blame on everyone else.  Someone please give me a direction to go in if this sounds familiar to you.

[justme728]

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.  I've been reading up online about depression and anxiety.  It's difficult.  She doesn't exhibit any 'fears' or social issues.  But, she is easily frustrated which leads to these screaming/crying spells that include the "no one cares, no one wants to help me". and, now that she has urinated herself 2x in school during the past month, it just adds to it all. I'm doing research at the library and online so I have some direction, although it is difficult.  Thank you again for your help :)

[jdtm]

If you feel your daughter suffers from anxiety, then please visit a medical mental health specialist with experience in anxiety disorders as a child neurologist or child psychiatrist.  In most cases, anxiety is an inherited disorder with physcial, mental and emotional apsects and usually requires a multi-modal approach for treatment (this is why therapy is usually not sufficient - does not address all three of the issues).  

As for the "money", often the treatment for anxiety consists of a "plan" devised by a professional that is implemented by the parents and may not be that burdensome.  But, if anxiety is the issue, I assure you that your daughter will not outgrow this nor will this go away; however, on the upside, anxiety is very common and highly treatable.  She can learn (with help) how to manage her fears/anxieties.  

One more thing - depression is often co-morbid with anxiety (as is sensory issues,  sleeping issues, bathroom issues and eating issues).   I see that you are from the state of NY so there must be excellent medical personnel within driving distance of your home.  All the best ....

[justme728]

Thank you for your time.  From what I've been reading, it seems like it could be anxiety.  I dread attempting another therapist.  I wish I knew of one who was really good, and wasn't interested in just getting the money.  Again, thank you.

[Sandman2]

     A lot seems like a 12 year old trying to find her place in the world.  However, some of this is  upsetting.    
    The "continuing to scream for an hour or so", does bother me.  
    You might want to check out bi-polar.   Its not good, but identifying it and treating it can make huge changes.  Here are some symptoms that were sent to me by a bi-polar member.
    
      "Well anyway here are the list of bipolar symptoms for children. The symptoms in adults are different.
Very Common Symptoms of Early-Onset Bipolar Disorder
• Separation anxiety
• Rages & explosive temper tantrums (lasting up to several hours)
• Marked irritability
• Oppositional behavior
• Frequent mood swings
• Distractibility
• Hyperactivity
• Impulsivity
• Restlessness/ fidgetiness
• Silliness, goofiness, giddiness
• Racing thoughts
• Aggressive behavior
• Grandiosity
• Carbohydrate cravings
• Risk-taking behaviors
• Depressed mood
• Lethargy
• Low self-esteem
• Difficulty getting up in the morning
• Social anxiety
• Oversensitivity to emotional or environmental triggers
Common Symptoms of Early-Onset Bipolar Disorder
• Bed-wetting (especially in boys)
• Night terrors
• Rapid or pressured speech
• Obsessional behavior
• Excessive daydreaming
• Compulsive behavior
• Motor & vocal tics
• Learning disabilities
• Poor short-term memory
• Lack of organization
• Fascination with gore or morbid topics
• Hypersexuality
• Manipulative behavior
• Bossiness
• Lying
• Suicidal thoughts
• Destruction of property
• Paranoia
• Hallucinations & delusions"