I dont no what to do with my 2 year olds behaviour

I have a nearly 2 year old daughter and 2 stepdaughters 5,3 my partner got with me wen i was 6 months pregnant and we have all lived as a family since but my 2 year old is just out of control she hits herself bangs her head on the floor if she dose not get her own way, she goes into the cubards all the time even after we tell her no and get her doing something out as soon as we have our backs turned she is at it again,she grabs the tv remotes even after being told of or smacked for it she just keeps doing it she gets into so much stuff my parter is finding it hard to handle as his other 2 kids (apparntly) were not that bad and i dont no what to do he is her dad she dose not see her bio father he is out of the pic but i feel this is tearing us apart she hits and pushes her sisters and wonts to eat all the time and goes into the kitchen to try and get food and goes mental if she dose not get it, besides her tantrams she is a good sweet happy lil girl but we dont no what to do she gets fusrated so easly yells back or throws things at us if we tell her NO or remove her from were she should not be, please can someone tell me if there is anything i can do to help improve her behaviour to make this house that lil bit more happy

[teddybears4ever2]

The one thing that comes to mind is that you might want to reward the good behavior.  Positive reinforcement will get you so much father, then negative.  Make a deal with her say, if you are good for this many days we can go eat at your favorite restaurant, we can go to the zoo, or the park or whatever you want to do.  
Many kids want to eat, a lot.  Have you ever thought of having a rule that says something along the lines of "If you want something to eat, please ask for it first, never just take it."  You have to say something to her like, "I love you, but you really make me angry when you do things like yell.  If you cannot be calm can you please go to your room or another room, and calm down.  When you are calm we can talk about why your actions were wrong."

[tizzaa]

hi we do reward her but thats the other hard part she dose not speak she only says mum and dad and shakes her head no she dose not understand what we say to her we have sent her to her room before untill she stops crying and then she comes out that some times work but its hard couse compramising she dosent and wont understand that she is a bit slow on learning  we are now trying to teach her some simple hand movements for food and drink but i guess that will take time

[margypops]

How do the step children of 3 and 5 behave towards her are they kind , sometimes children act out if they are upset and frustrated , and older siblings are not always kind , instead of focusing on punishment like sending her to her room focus on her positive side . This child needs some comfort and care .What food does she have is she eating good meals each day .I feel the dynamics here need some looking at ...

[tizzaa]

they are normal behaviour lol i mean they have there fights with each other and other times they play nicely the 2 yr old and 3 yr old fight alot well most the time and and she eats weetbix for breakky sandwich for lunch and a normal healthy dinner snacks include of either tiny teddies or something like that or a jelly cup, i do try and get her to eat fruit but she is not interested most times

[margypops]

I would say keep an eye on the fighting a lot as 2 year old is young for fighting with the older children it may be a good thing to seperate them before they start to fight, who does the 5 year old side with ?A 2 year old does require extra time and attention , until she is feeling happier it will continue..focus on her positive side , and praise her when you see her doing something right. How about you have some one to one time with her whilst Dad has the other two .I feel that maybe there is some competition going on for your attention .

[Lavge]

I agree with positive reinforcement, but I also think negative behavior needs a consequence being time out or similar, it must go both ways - though I don't think at 2 a time out alone will do much. At that age I would alsways sit with my daughter till she came down. More than anything I believe consistency is the key. She needs to be told clearly where the limits go and what the consequence is for crossing them and the consequence needs to be the same every time and needs to be reinforced every time.
At the age of 2 she should understand a lot of what you're saying. I wouldn't worry too much about the speak, but if she doesn't understand much you need to have a chat with your pediatrician.
I have a 3 year old daughter and she has always been a handful and many many tantrums.