I don't want to go to school

[Julie80]

It all started about two weeks ago, my 8 years old daughter (3rd grader) doesn’t want to go to school.  She cries at night before she goes to bed and she wakes up crying that she doesn’t want to go to school.  Every morning, she complaints about stomach aid, headache, and sometimes she even has diarrhea.  . I sat down with her talk about the reasoning the she doesn’t want to go school.  She told me that she feels invisible and not part of the group.  She feels lonely and that she preferred to stay home with me.  Also that she feels sad at school.  She also mentioned some names of kids that are making fun of her but there are others that are kind to her.  That sometimes school is hard for her because she is running every where and that she feels she is behind in everything.   In second grade she had a best friend (Davika) but she left to India a couple of weeks ago.  My daughter told me that everything changed after she left.

I want to tell you little about my daughter.  She was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis when she was 2 ½ years old.  At that point her eyes were affected by inflammation (chronic Uveitis).  She has gone through several surgeries on her eyes (cataracts, vivectromies, and retina detachment).  She has glaucoma on her left eye.  It has been a battle with her disease trying to safe some of her sight.  Now my daughter wears cataracts lenses and she has a very busy scheduled in school.   She needs to go the nurse 4 times (every two hours) to get eye drops for her inflammation.  She is pulled out of the classroom for different things, eye drops, brail instruction, ESL, and for lab.  She is under treatment for her arthritis and she takes strong medications to bring her immune system down.  She needs to go for blood work every month.  I hope this will help you understand my daughter situation and mine.

The behavior of crying and not wanting to go school just started two weeks ago.  I contacted the school and explained the situation but the teacher is telling me that everything is fine that my daughter is very pleasant, hardworking, and cooperative, that she doesn’t see any type of signs to be upset in school.  She is always smiling and that she socializes with others.  I don’t know what to do in this situation.  It is very frustrating to me. I have to deal with this every night and morning.  What should I do?  The school is telling me that it is fine, but as a mother, I think there is a problem and I don’t know how I can help my daughter.  I don’t know if her medical condition plays a roll in this, or maybe she feels different now that she is growing up, or she is stressed out in school for her busy scheduled, or it is because her best friend left to India, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to push my daughter to school if she really is having trouble.  Any suggestions?

[jdtm]

Your daughter is showing very common physical behaviours due to anxiety (probably separation anxiety).  You might wish to google the phrase "anxiety in children" or "school refusal" or "separation anxiety" or similar words/phrases to find out more about this disorder.  By the way, researchers believe that to keep your child home from school due to anxiety only enables the disorder and makes it more difficult to treat.  If your child feels unable to go to school (and she does not have a fever, etc.), then reassure her that you will pick her up at school if the teacher feels she is not well - the school probably is correct - she is fine at school.  As for "why" she is suffering from anxiety, that really is irrelevant as it is the behaviours that must be treated.  One of the best ways to treat anxiety is to "face one's fears" (in this case, go to school) but it takes a long time for severe anxiety to subside (and I mean months or years).

If these behaviours continue, you might wish to contact your family doctor for more assistance in this area.  If anxiety is the issue, then your daughter will not outgrow it nor will it go away - but, it can be managed.  Anxiety is highly treatable.  I wish you the best ...

[91004]

If some of the other kids are picking on here, the teachers are probally not seeing this. That is probally the reason she doesn't want to go. If her best friend just left she is probally just sad that her friend left. I would explain that she needs to go to school and she will get a new best friend if this is the first time she has not wanted to go then this is probally the reason. Tell her she will make a new best friend and if she got the address maybe she can write and call her friend that left.

[imanaddict]

Awww!! My heart breaks for your daughter! School can be torture, kids can be so cruel sometimes! Both posters above had very good ideas, she needs to face her fear and if it continues, see a physician to see if she is having anxiety attacks. Anxiety doesn't go away but can be managed. Writing to her friend for support is also a great idea. She is probably feeling very alone and until she finds a replacement, she'll need her other friend for support. Maybe they could chat via internet and email, or write letters.