I have no control over my 3 yr. old daughter..

I have to find some way to cope with my daughter and her dtemper tantrums.  I am a single mother (now) and she has seen abusive behaviour towards me by her father and I feel ou of control with her because I do everything for her and I try very hard to talk to her and give her choices but I cannot stand it much longer.  The crying for things when I say no to something unreasonable, the yelling at me to "be nice" when she is the only one acting ugly.  She absoloutly NOT sit down quietly for time out and if I spank her, it helps sometimes but I always hold her and tell her why I did that.  (I do give her at least two warnings that I will resort to this action)  All her father has to do is say her name sternly and she will obey. I (& my siblings) were abused as children and I know that this is why I feel reluctant to dicipline for fear that I will, and have, lose my temper.  I do not want to repeat what I grew up with but I cannot cope with this and I need help for both of our well-being.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Christine,

You have alraedy achieved the most important step along the way to improving the situation - you recognize your need for help. I would be irresponsible to try to offer you particular management advice. You and your daughter need professional assistance. Please contact (your daughter's pediatrician might refer you to someone) a child mental health professional right away.

It would also be wise to stop using physical punsihment. This will not help and, in light of your own history of abuse (growing up and in your marriage), it is all the more important to be teaching your daughter other ways of dealing with situations.