I have panic attacks because of my son!!!

My son is 12 years old he is calm but he always says I love his two brothers more than him ,though I treat him with maxxx love but for example if he was having a bad day at school and came home and I said a joke or did a little mistake with him he never stops fighting talking whyyyy I said that or why I did that and I explain and explain that Iam sorry and I didn't mean it but he never forgive that silllly mistake and keep fighting for hours!!!!! Till I cry badly and after hitting me he feels okay and calm down
sometime he stays complaining why I didn't hug him when I hugged his brother for dayssss!
I can't take it anymore :(:(:(  

[niso82]

I have to add that he is social inactive at all and he behaves like 2 years yongrr though he is tall and big in shape

[margypops]

How old are his brothers ? I think you have to get tough on this young man , you need to give him bounderies,hitting anyone is  not permissable ,you said , 'after hitting you he feels okay and calms down ' I have to tell you something that he will do this to a wife one day if you do not change the way you are handling him, I would suggest some counselling at his age that will help you. When he starts to be mean you give him consequences, No TV NO computer , something he likes to do ...you remove it. Do not reward bad behavior, reward good .Has he a Dad around if so get him playing games , sports doing guy things.if there's no Dad,get him involved in a sports club , so he uses up that energy. good luck

[niso82]

his 2 brothers are 9 and 7 ,thanks for your answer yes i should let him join a club to take that bad energy out ,but my problem is that i can't stop him from anything :(he is so strong iam 28y and he is 12 but he looks like a 14 !:S
he hits me so often iam scared coz i might be pregnant and that will harm me
each months he passes through bad days !!!in which he fights for those sillly issues
iam suffering but ihope when he grows up he change
sometimes i swear i say to myself that if he wasn't my own child i would never let him stay at my home :(
his dad is always absent he works in another country and he comes each 2 motnhs and stays for a month and half ,while his dad is here he never do that to me only in his dad absence....his 2 brothers are totally amazing i don't why he is like that :(
i know h emight do this to a wife one day :(and she won't accept that and he is going to be soo lonely one day ...may god change him to the better otherwise his life would be sooo black!

[margypops]

As he doesn't see his Dad too much I think you should take a video of him when he is being mean and show it to his dad also tell his Dad what you have said to us here, maybe he will speak to his son  and tell him not to behave this way . You should not live in fear of your son, have you any other family member who can help .? Do get him into some sports ,if he spends too long on a computer it can affect them aswell.You have to get tough as I say, whether its a son , a husband or anyone else  ,no one should hit, or abuse anyone else, you dont have to take it.

[margypops]

another thought what about school in the US we have school counsellors , is there anyone you can speak to at school .

[niso82]

Thnxx a lot for care(f)
your right i want to record what he do and show it to his dad...though I always tell his dad but nothing changes...
At school they can do nothing they also suffer from his behavior with other kids sometimes ,he always wanna be the boss or he won't play :s iam searching him a near good sport club ...thank you so much for support(f)
I feel my son has a mental disorder...I know kids could be mean and missbehaive but he is unstable mentally as if he is 2 personalities he might be super good after hitting me then next day suddenly he remembers an old fight or a word I said and starts a new fight again
note that Iam a very calm woman I don't shout ,I never had problem with anyone in my life i never hit him..
Once a psycholog told that he is just inspired with his dad ...his dad never hit me but he controls me and shouts so she said he might be doing the same
I hope god help me and ease that suffer Iam passing through...I never smile hope smile come back one day
thanks soo much for listening I felt much better after taking all that out in words ...

[margypops]

Having read your last sentences I would agree with you that he could be copying from his Dad , more reason to speak to your husband about the whole issue. It is possible you could use some counselling help here, family I mean do you have that where you live ? I can understand your frustration and it wont stop unless addressed by your husband .Time to get tough ,on both of them ..

[niso82]

Yes it's time to be tough I don't wanna stay that way Iam destroyed

[margypops]

Yes you are... thats the spirit, if your husband loves you he will see that this cannot continue that he and  his son should have respect , so over a nice dinner without your son around, tell your husband  how you feel ,ask him to help with .Your son needs bounderies set on his behavior and consequences if he continues with the disrespect and abuse .I suspect you will have to be firm if you were here I would say put on a t'shirt with 'I am not going to take it anymore 'but I dont think that would go down well ..good luck ,I feel a determination in you ..

[niso82]

well today i was tough with him !!!!!!for the first time when he started to be mean he asked me why you don't love me mom i told him how could i love you and ur hitting and u pushed me today and my arm hurts because of you ???how could i love u and treat in a great way and ur abusing me and hitting me !!!!!! (though iam treating him great but he says that bec he feels guilty and bad )
i took a paper and i wrote him a letter i said that i love him so much but i hate the way he is treating me at the begining he argued and tore it into little peices
i wrote it again again he refused to read
the third time he read it and he got tears in eyes because i said that i love him but i hate when hits me and iam his lovely mom he must love and respect me i wrote that when i say no for something he must respect mami and never hit me ....i wrote it in a way of 1 2 3 4 sentences he kissed me after reading it ...
really you helped me iam so thankful really i hope he stays that way next month when my husband comes i will talk to him ...hehehe i wish i could wear a tishirt I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!FOR GOD SAKE LET ME REST IN PEACE !!!!
thanks really i was soo glad that u listend to me i have got none to talk to and ur replies eased my pain

[margypops]

. Thats great...I am cheering for you , stay like this in the mode of determination, and you will win the battle, if he does go to hit you remove yourself, shut yourself away from him, its not good for him to believe he can behave like that to you.Its good you made a begining stay firm and make sure your husband does the same ..Once he realises you mean it, it will improve your relationship with him and he will respect you ...well done noso

[niso82]

Thanks honey iam stronger because u replied my   Hopless words,I told mom about your replies she said your a great woman :) she liked so much what u said I hope great luck for u in life and everything
hope I win my battle :) tc thanks so much !

[margypops]

oh darn niso .we all come here because we care about children dont we...but thank you anyway ......