I have tried every type of discipline and nothing seems to be working

[tnabna04]

My 2 and half year old son has been throwing things at my neice and hitting her and most of the time it is for no reason.  I have tried every type of discipline and nothing seems to be working.  I am at a loss on what to do and I am to the point were I get frustrated and just walk away.  I don't think it is fair for my neice to have to deal with it but I just don't know what to do.  Another thing is, lately he seems to have started whining and crying over every little thing.  He is only like this at home, when he is at daycare he is what they call an angel.  I was looking for ways to try and stop this behavior.

[Grandpa641]

You go girl that's exactly how I handle it and it works for me too.

[lovemajo]

I have a 19 month old son, The first time my son did a tantrum, the first thing I did, was tell him that I was going to count to 3 if at 3 he did not get up and be quiet he was going to get Time Out (at this time he was only 14 month old) so out loud I counted to 1, 2, 3. At the end when I counted 3 he was still in the floor. I picked him up, and I told him in a firm voice that I was his mommy and that I love him but he had to respect my order and that because he didn't hi was going to get Time Out. So I sat him on my sofa and I staid with him, every time he tried to get up I would sit him down again and I touch his face and ask him to look at me. I told him to see my face, that my face was serious and that I was not happy and I wanted him to sit down and stop crying please(always use the word please and thank you). After 10 minutes of doing the same routine over and over again. He got the idea that mommy was not going to let go until he calmed down. Today, every time he is doing a tantrum or crying for no reason I just count to 3 and 90% of the time he stops before I say three. If he doesn't he gets Time Out and I do the routine all over again.  

[blondie72]

My son is also 2 and a half and has been throwing things - I really don't think at this age they do it to be mean  -  My son threw one of his toy cars at my nose the other night - It hurt but I just told him "No - We don't throw those kinds of toys".   Good Luck to you.  

[RockRose]

tna - this is really sad.  It sounds like one of those classic books you read of a step child,  or a poor relative who is abused in the family and no one helps.  

It's really sweet,  and giving of you to offer your home to your niece,  sounds like she needed rescuing.  So that shows you have a big and open heart,  and God bless you for that.

How would you act if she were your daughter,  and your young son was beating her up?   You'd probably put a stop to it.  

When you say you have tried putting him in time out but he doesn't stay,  I think you should try again.  He's really little.  You are stronger than he is,  just do it.  When he's stronger than you (and he will be,  in about 12 years!) you need to still have control.

Don't worry about pushing him away with punishment!!    Children really understand limits.  You should say,  we don't hit in this house.  I won't let her hit you, and I won't let you hit her.  If she were hitting you I'd make sure it didn't keep happening,  and I'm going to make sure you don't keep hitting her.  

You really sound afraid to put your foot down and insist,  but kids don't stop loving you for doing that.   I promise.

Best wishes.

[tnabna04]

My neice lives with us, and she is 4. I have tried the time out and giving her attention, but he doesn't stay in time out like he is supposed to.  I hate being caught between feeling guilty because my son hurt her and trying to punish him without pushing him away. Thank you for your advice.

[jd1419]

How old is your neice?  IF they are close in the same age or she is younger he may think she is taking your attention away from him.  Also, when he does this do you go to him or her first?  If it is him try and stop that go to her and console and lavish the hurt attention--he may then know that what he did, did not get the response he wanted from mom.  After a few minutes then you tell what he did was wrong that he  needs to sit in the chair or wherever you put him in timeout--and start playing with your niece.  When he is ready to behave and play nicely he can join you.

I may be way off mark-but I hope I helped.  Also is your neice over all the time or just once in a while?