IS IT GRANDMAS FAULT

[mother386]

Ok my daughter is 4 going on 5. As I mentioned previously she is very very attached to my mom. My mom spoils her too much.  My daughter already knows how to go to the bathroom on her own an how to clean herself. Well when grandma comes home she wants grandma to clean her after she is done going to the restroom. She also wants grandma to feed her in the mouth like a baby. Another thing is that she likes to make a mess but when grandma is around she wants grandma to pick it up. Which grandma does all the time. I believe my mom is not letting her grow up an do the things she has to do. I have a sister an her oldest son is also my moms favorite grandson since he was my sisters first born. Well he is now 11 going on 12 an he also disobeys my sister. He talks back to her. He talks DOWN to her. If my sister says no to something he will then go to my mom an ask her for iit an get away with it. Its gotten to the point to where my nephew has told my sister he no longer stands her an would rather live with my mom. Now i see the same pattern with my daughter. At the short age of 4 she has already said she doesnt want to live with me. I strongly belive my mom is at fault to all this bad behavior on both children. An its strange because my sister has two other kids an so do I an they dont behave that way. Yet they dont spend as much time with my mom as the older ones do. An they arent as spoiled as the older ones are. What do should I do ???

[mother386]

specialmom yeah you are correct. Its very sad to know that my daughter an my mom no longer have a relationship. But what I think is worst is the fact that my mother refuses to understand that I am the mother and she is the grandmother. She needs to understand her role in my daughters life an respect my rules an my decisions. An by the way things are going well if this is the only way for my daughter to have peace and not be confused then its all worth it. And to lisa51 you see thats exactly what my mother does. She is teaching my daughter that because she is older than me and because she is my mom she has more authority. And that is not right. I strongly believe that if my mother loved my daughter as much as she says she does she would step aside or atleast stand by me when it comes to my rules. Because she is not only affecting me but most important she affecting my daughter. And that is not something that Im willing to accept. Wouldnt you agree????

[lis51]

If Mom can´t respect your rules she may diminish your authority in front of your daughter, if you say no she must respect it. Just don´t let your daughter be in the middle of it all.

[specialmom]

Well, I guess that is good although it saddens me that your they can't have a relationship.  I hope that it resolves and she can live with your rules and all can be a family together.  good luck

[mother386]

well actually I havent gotten the chance to talk to set down my ground rules. But over the weekend my mother an i sort of had a confrontation. We went to visit my mom an it got pretty late. My daughter fell asleep. So I picked her up to put her in the car. It sort of startled her an she woke up. So as usual she began to cry once she realized we were going home she began to cry her eyes out. My mom said to leave my daughter an i said no. So she threatened me by saying you are not takin her an do what you want. I completely ignored her an left. The point is that now my mom doesnt come over anymore an well my daughter is doing great ... but thanks for the advise anyways

[balyz123]

I agree - talk to your Mom - explain the rules.   Grandparents may be able to spoil grandkids using their rules in their house - but not your house.   My husband and I back each other up on this issue.    

[stayathomemommyof2]

i completely agree with specialmom u are allowing your mom to run your home and this has to stop or she shouldnt come over she will give in but i do believe she will have a problem w this but u have to put your foot down I would also address how your child is treated at your mothers house as well of course grandparents will spoil grandchildren but a line is to be drawn

[specialmom]

Well,  I think it is not really fair to blame your mom to be honest.  You are allowing the situation.  Your mom comes into your home and you should make the rules.  Talk to your mother and tell her that your daughter is to clean up after herself if she gets her toys out (maybe a joint effort could be a compromise) and that you expect her to feed herself and wipe herself (if she ordinarily does that).  Tell your mom these are your rules and that she needs to abide by them in your home.  Also tell your mom that first and foremost, your daughter is to respect you as her mother and she shouldn't interfere with that.  You don't have to be hateful or full of attitude with this discussion but tell her that you are raising your daughter to be the kind of adult that you'd eventually like her to be.  I can't imagine your mother will have a problem with that and if she does, she comes over less.  Just my opinion.