If 4 year old son accidently hurt the kitten or not

My son was playing in his room. He was eating his pizza when I checked on him. Then not even a minute later he came in the livingroom to get me and was saying "kitty Mama kitty." I went in the room and the kitten was bleeding and his head was swelled up.My son told me the kitten got smashed under the couch.The only way that could happen is for my son to stand on one end of the couch and the other end to come up and the kitten got under there and my son let the couch down on top of the kitten.  My son cried for an hour or more and tried putting the mother cat in there with the baby kitten. I don't know if my son really meant to do it or not. I wish I could of been in the room  or knew what went through his mind.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Sherry,

Have you ever seen your son act in a cruel way? If he did hurt the cat deliberately, would that have been out of character for him?

Gently ask him about the episode - he will likely demonstrate what occurred. Perhaps you can get some idea from this, and use the episode as a time to teach your son about acting in a gentle fashion with the cat.

There's probably no need to be unduly alarmed, unless you see repeated episodes of mean or cruel behavior.

[Sherry]

I have already asked my son how the event occured with the kitten. He told me that he was standing on one end of the couch and the other end went up and the cat went under the couch. I just don't know if he waited for the cat togo under the couch to hurt him. We had put the couch in his room on it's side,(the couch is actually part of a sectional that we are redoing) until we got done with the other part of the couch. My son does kick at our dog and we do  let him know that it is wrong and that he could hurt an animal. When that happened with the kitten, just to let him know that it was wrong and that he hurt the kitten; I didn't let him go outside and I didn't let him ride his bike. We had to put the kitten to sleep. He cried for over an hour when the kitten got hurt and he put the mother kitten in the room with the kitten. Yesterday and Sunday my son kept saying "I wish Rocky(kitten) was still here, I like Rocky." I asked him why did you hurt Rocky and he said, "I don't know." I really don't think he knows or understands when I asked him why did you hurt Rocky unless he didn't know what to do once the kitten got under the couch.

[Go easy on him.]

I've carefully read your posting and the doctor's response, but your follow-up indicates that you already had a pretty good idea that your son hurt the kitten on purpose.  For him to cry for over an hour means that it was a pretty traumatic experience for him, but I would be cautious in this matter.  If you keep asking him why he hurt the kitten then you could be laying a big guilt trip on him and that is too much for a four year old to handle.  He already said he didn't know what to do once the kitten got under the couch so it sounds like it was purely an accident.  It also sound like he tried to "mend" the situation by putting the mother cat in with the kitten, a very good and caring response.  If anything, I think he needs reassurance that you still love him and know that he didn't mean to do it and that you also realize how much the kitten meant to him.  I can't imagine how a four year old must feel if he thinks he "killed" the kitten on purpose.  He wouldn't have shown that much emotion afterwards.  It sounds very unlikely that he could make up a story about the couch tipping up and then accidentally falling on the kitten if he really meant to do it.  I believe it happened just the way he said.  I've raised four children and have heard all different stories, and my instincts tell me it was purely an accident.  I also don't think his behavior toward the dog is any indicator that he has a cruel streak.  Most children that age don't understand animals and animals certainly don't understand children.  Kicking "at" the dog could be a way to get his attention or maybe he's just showing some frustration if the dog doesn't want to be messed with when your son wants to play with him.  Yes, he needs to learn not to be physical with animals - all children have to learn that, but at that age they are still drawing their boundaries and animals tend to cross it every now and then.  I don't think it's a big issue, but rather a very normal one.

[Sherry]

To: Go easy on him. I appreciate your comment. I don't think my son hurt the kitten on purpose. It's just that when I went in there when my son called me in there to look at the kitten, it was scrambling around on the carpet and to see a 3 week old kitten in pain it was an awful feeling. I think my son is just at that age  and is learning and has been learning right from wrong. I am not laying a "guilt trip" on him,I just told him that he hurt the kitten and that he needs to be more carefull and be nice to the animals. I didn't tell him that he killed the kitten. My father-in-law had to put the kitten to sleep because it was brain dead. I just told my son and 9 year old daughter that the kitten died. I do believe that it was an accident because my son is only 4 years old and he either didn't see the kitten go up under the couch when he was holding it up by sitting one end, or he seen the kitten go under the couch and he let it down because he didn't know what to do. His mind is still too little to know what to do in a situation like that.

[Eileen]

If this is the first incident of an animal being hurt by your son, I wouldn't worry. When I was about 6 years old my mother forbade me to go near some puppies our dog just had, without her presence. Thinking how cute and cuddly they were I didn't listen. She had the puppies blocked off in a room by a table coming across the doorway. I leaned over to put one of the puppies back and the table fell on his neck. He was permanately blinded and had severe difficulties after. I was extremely upset and still feel a little guilty at times over the episode. It is a very vivad memory and hopefully won't be as vivad in your son's. I would give your son the benefit of the doubt. Crying for over an hour shows he felt horrible about the situation and will probably take greater care with animals. I love animals and to the pain of my parents rescued many in my life-time. Good-luck!