Inappropriate father/daughter relationship

My boyfriend, who I've lived with for the past seven years, has two grown daughters.  

One daughter, who's 28,  has several babies with several men, is a drug addict and is currently in prison for credit card theft and prostitution.  

His other daughter, who's 24, doesn't have any of these issues, however, she seems completely fixated on my boyfriend (her father).  She calls him several times a day,  sits on his lap in public, sleeps in our bed when we go on vacation, rubs his back and shoulders and is constantly telling him how good looking he is.  He, in turn, also rubs her back when he kisses her, encourages her to sit on his lap, invites her to all of our group fuctions (when we go out with our friends), gets jealous if other men talk to her, pays all her bills and doesn't seem like he really wants her to be independent.  She's also very rude to other women who are nice to my boyfriend.  She once overheard two women at a bar talking about how attractive her father is, and she completely went crazy on them.

It took her several years to warm up to me, so I don't think she has a problem with me.  But if I call my boyfriend when they're out together, he won't answer his phone in front of her.  He also feels guilty if we go out without inviting her along.

I've been living in turmoil for several years.   A lot of people think my boyfriend is so upset that his older daughter turned out the way she did, so he overcompensates with his younger daughter.

I finally got the courage to speak to him about their inapprorpriate behavior.  I told him that they act like they're dating each other.  I also told him that I think he needs to encourage her to be independent and to find her own friends to go out with, and that she shouldn't be hanging on him or his friends...especially when we're all out in public.  He seemed mortified and shocked that I felt this way, and even a little embarrassed.   I told him that I think she's going to have a lot of psychological issues down the road, since she's constantly comparing her dad to the guys she dates, and ultimately breaks up with them because they don't compare to daddy.  He assured me that he does want her to meet a nice guy and get married, but I told him I didn't think that was ever going to happen if they continue to act the way they do around each other.

Things were better for about a month.  He was more attentive to our relationship and seemed to be encouraging her to go out with her friends.  Now, however, we're back to square one.  I think he resents that I ever spoke to him about her.

I just want to know if this is a unique situation between a father and a grown daughter.  It seems to be getting worse with each passing month.  Now she wants to move in with us because she's having financial problems and she doesn't want to live with her mother, and it seems like she has no girlfriends to live with.

My heart breaks that I will probably have to end this relationship.     I don't know what else to do.   I've been with him so long and I hate the thought of breaking up, or of moving backwards in our relationship.

I also think she drinks too much.  Her sister (the one in prison) and her mother are both alcoholics.   I've also pointed this out to my boyfriend, but he got defensive and told me he believes she's just having fun.   She's gained 40 pounds since turning 21.  When I gently suggested she perhaps needs to cut back on the beer, and she'd possibly lose weight, he got also got defensive and said he believes she has thyroid issues.

I also noticed she wears a lot of revealing / low cut shirts when her father is around.

I sometimes think he feels guilty that he's divorced.

I just don't know what else to do.

[margypops]

Sounds like its not working it may be a good idea to find another BF , could be you are feeling jealous, as I see it its his life its doubtful you are going to change his ways with his family, especially as they are all adults .You may not like the way they behavebut  some families are extra affectionate , what you describe seems over the top but its his choice. Find someone else without baggage .Good luck

[specialmom]

Really agree with Margypops.  No matter what he is doing, how old the person's kids are, etc.-----------  a conflict between you and the children of someone you are romantic with spells trouble for the relationship.  I could comment on what you've written in particular but that is not where my advice is.  It won't help you for me to say that there are several red flags.  You know that.  So the advice I can give that will actually help you is to pack your things and move out.  I'd do it right away.  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

It sounds downright icky.  I'd go, tomorrow.  Maybe they will figure out what kind of weird game is going on, or maybe they won't, but you need to be out of the middle of it.  Find a nice guy who behaves normally with his normal kids.