Intense Toddler Night Tantrums

[KekahaMom]

My 2.5 year old daughter experiences night tantrums ranging from 1 – 4 hours per night anywhere from 4 - 5 nights per week.  From birth to 18 months she’s had difficulty sleeping.  My husband and I would put her down at/around 7pm and without fail she’d wake-up crying and screaming throughout the night (falling back to sleep and re-awaking throughout the night).  This was our routine from birth to 18 months.  She’s always napped well, napping anywhere from 1 – 2 hours per day 2 times per day till she turned 2 years old and now napping 1- 2 hours per day 1 time per day; it’s nights that have been/are challenging.  At 6 weeks old we moved her from our room to her own room/crib.

When turning 2, she began having night tantrums.  After reading numerous articles on night terrors I do not think this is what she experiencing as she’s coherent during the tantrum episodes and she recalls what occurred when asked the next morning.  At 2 we also converted her crib into a toddler bed, not sure it this is the root cause to the start of these tantrums – I’m grasping at straws.

Our night routine has always been dinner, bath, books and we put her in bed between 7pm and 7:30pm and she falls asleep (no tears/no crying).  After falling to sleep she then tends to wake-up around 11pm and the tantrums range from 30 minutes to 4 hours.  During the tantrum she’s screaming (at the top of her lungs), crying and at times she’ll run around her room.  While having the tantrum she also tends to make demands asking that I give her certain stuffed animals/toys, demands water, demands this/that and then goes back to screaming/crying.  If we give into her demands the tantrums last much longer (we learned this lesson the hard way, we ignore her demands).  During the tantrum her face expression is one of pure anger, if you ask her what’s wrong she makes more demands and continues to scream/cry.

The next morning I’ll ask her why she woke up and why she was so upset (crying/screaming) and she’ll then give me that sweet toddler smile and giggle.  I’ll ask her if she remembers crying/screaming and she’ll respond yes.  She’s then fine, happy and life goes on for her (mom and dad are exhausted).

During the night tantrums my husband and I have tried consoling her, holding her, hugging her, rocking her in a rocking chair (when comforting her she tends to be combative – she’ll push us away or shout NO), we’ve tried the Cry-it-Out Method and we’ve slept on the floor next to her bed.  Each night we do our best to check on her and deal with the tantrum, at no point have we ever ignored her or not checked on her.

Each time I’ve met with her Pediatrician I’ve discussed this with her (waking each night/night tantrums) and her response is “you have a strong willed child, keep up the good work as parents and good luck.”  I like our Pediatrician; she’s been fantastic with our daughter however her response to the night tantrums is frankly frustrating and obviously not helpful.

My husband and I are exhausted, we desperately want to help our daughter so that she’s well rested or if there’s an issue we need to address it and we too need sleep.

Thank you in advance for advice.

Additional notes:  I work 40 - 45 hours per week (I’m a Human Resources Manager) and my husband works part-time.  Our daughter was at home with my husband from birth to 2.3 years and she’s now in pre-pre K and she loves it (she goes Tue./Thurs./Fri. for 4 hours per day).  She loves her teacher and the kids.  She’s also potty training, it’s been going well and the last thing I can think of is her eating habits – she eats well, no sugary treats, loves fruit/veggies/protein and she only drinks milk/water – her choice (she turns her nose up at juice).  Each doctor visit she’s received a clean bill of health.

[Sandman2]

   Basically, I am hoping that she will sleep sounder if her nap time is slightly limited.  But, I think the shower may be the most helpful.
   Oh, you said she has this problem 4 to 5 times a week.  Makes me wonder what is going on the days she does not have the problem.  Noticed she goes to preschool 3 times a week - any relationship?  
   Point being - you have done a wonderful job laying out what you do at night - and it really sounds like you have tried about everything (well, except for the shower ).   So what happens during the day?  Start marking on a calendar, when she has the night problems and see if the day makes a difference.
   Also, does she have any big special stuffed animals ("protectors") in bed with her?

[KekahaMom]

Thank you Sandman2, no, we have not tried limiting the nap to 1 hour.  We can try that, my only concern is that when she has the night "episodes” she runs the risk of being overly tired the next day leading to day time tantrums.  I’m game to try the 1 hour naps to see if that helps as well.  Thank you for reply as well.  I’ll keep you and RockRose updated on outcomes – just appreciate hearing from you both – it means a lot to me – thanks!

[Sandman2]

   good idea by Rockrose!  I will be interested to see how the shower works.
I also wonder about the length of her nap.  Have you tried limiting it to only an hour?

[KekahaMom]

Thank you for taking time to read my post and for responding, I really appreciate it.  Your points are valid and it could be night terrors.  The last 2 nights she’s actually had no tantrums/terrors but I know they’ll be back.  When the next episode occurs we plan to try your recommendation – again much thanks.  I also neglected to mention that we live on Kauai, yes it’s a beautiful island to live on however when it comes to medical assistance/resources it’s limited to none.  

[RockRose]

I had a child with night terrors,  and what your describing sure sounds like night terrors to me.  Are you sure she's remembering?  Do you ever ask,  "what did you ask for last night"?  

Her behavior - the sweet smile and giggle,  and then going on about her business - when you ask her if she remembers it really doesn't show she's remembering it.  That's what two year olds do if they have no idea what you're talking about,  typically.  If you ask her do you remember eating carrots for breakfast,  my guess is you'll get the exact same response.

The pattern of waking hours after going to bed,  running around making demands,  making more demands that aren't satisfied if you give in,  and acting sweet about it in the morning - I just think this is a sleep disturbance.

My pediatrician said get in the shower with the child,  and she'll wake fully up and then will go back to sleep right away.