Is it childhood play or is evidence of abuse?

[ceesa]

My son is 4 yrs old.His cousin is 6 yrs old.The boys are very close.I've been watching my nephew since he has been in diapers.My son loves his cousin very much and so do I.My nephew is here everyday after school because I watch him while my sister works.My sis comes to pick up my nephew after work and my son has asked to go to his house recently.My husband And I started letting our son go to my sisters house and we would pick up our son later that evening.This went on for three days.My sis came to pick up my nephew.Again my son asked to go but this time asked to spend the night.We were fine with him spending the night.She then took him with her.Later that night my sis called and said she needed to talk to me and my husband because she saw some sexual behavior going on with the boys.My husband and I went to her home right away.She told my husband and I that the boys were touching and licking each others penises.Along with humping each other in the shower.My husband and I both talked to our son.We asked him where he learned to do this act he told us his cousin.This act had a "special name".This act only took place at his cousins house according to my sons reponse when my husband and I asked him if they played this game anywhere else.My sons reponse was "we only play the_ _game at _ house Mommy".The whole time I had these boys together in my home, I've NEVER seen this behavior take place, EVER!I found it odd.Another thing I found odd was that my sis did not come to me or my husband first about this, she went to our mother instead.My mom had this information before my husband and I did and never shared it with us.My husband and I talked to my sis and her live in boyfriend (whom is slso the father of my nephew.)We told them that our son told us he learned it from his cousin. They agreed their son did indeed teach our son the _ _game.They then told us they would talk to their son and find out where he learned the_ _game.My sis then got back to me and brushed it off as child play.I stressed my concerns with my sis that my husband and I felt that this was an act which my nephew could had possibly been exposed to. My sister defers different.Out of concern for my son and my nephew I then expressed my concerns to my mom, hoping she can talk to my sis.My sis and her boyfriend were now not wanting to communicate with us anymore in this matter.They told us my nephew did not learn the licking of the penis nowhere and that He learned the humpimg from a child at school.We then waited for them to follow up with the boy who surposibly taught my nephew.My sis never followed up.My husband and I then went to the school. We were told nothing can not be done unless my nephew came forward and reported what he had seen.Nothing was done on my sisters part.My sis is now very deffensive.My mom is protecting my sis. Im being accused of being to sensitive since I was a victim.Is it childplay or abuse? I just want to stop the cycle if it is what it is.My mom didnt.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Just as you did not appreciate your sister communicating via your mother, refrain from that yourself - it's not helpful. If you have anything to say to your sister, tell her directly. Now, to the point about the behavior: no, it is not normal child play. Left to their own devices, children do not think of simulating sexual acts. This sort of activity must be learned in some fashion. Don't assume, though, that your nephew viewed his mother and father engaged in sexual behavior. That could have happened, but it is not the only way your nephew could have learned about the beahvior. There is nothin you can do about the situation with the school. If your sister has specific information implicating someone at school, it is up to her to address it. In that sense, the school was correct in the stance they adopted with you. To your sister's credit, she acknowledged that your son did indeed learn about the behavior from her son. It shows some maturity on her part to recognize and accept this fact. You may have done all you can realistically do about this.

[aprilgoudy]

I hope you aren't letting your son be with them alone anymore!