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Is it normal sexual experimenting?
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Is it normal sexual experimenting?

My son is 8 years old and best friend with the neighbors son who is about 18 months older than him.  This morning my son woke up crying because he said he just had to get something off this chest.  He said that this other boy had performed oral sex on him last year.  Now my neighbor and I were aware that her son had tried to touch my son last summer and we sat both boys down and talked to them.  We both supervise their entire visit and no sleepovers.  My son says this has never happened since and happened at the neighbors Grandmas house.  Now I have a few questions…1st is how to help my son deal with the shame he is feeling over this.  He was crying hysterically, thought I would hate him and does not want me tell my husband.  He said he just had to get this off his chest.  Those are pretty big feelings for an 8 year old.  2nd do I tell my husband?  And 3rd how do I handle this with the neighbor.  It’s been a year, do I have another sit down, and do I not allow them to play together anymore?
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535822_tn?1389452880
It is possible the older child has seen the behavior or been abused himself, so I am not certain that them playing together is a good idea.Yes you do tell your husband,.You say you knew that the older boy had touched him when do you mean , previously?
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Avatar_f_tn
Dont let them play together. You must protect your child!
The older kid is either abused or watching things he should not be watching.
Yes you need to tell your husband. It is his child too, but warn him that he must not
let his anger come accross as disgust for his child. He must be very clear with his son that he loves him and that he is proud of him for telling the truth.

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Avatar_f_tn
ps
You asked it was normal child experimentation?
Let me as you something. How could this be normal child esperimentation for a child that would never know about such a thing unless they witnessed it or were a victim? No child that grows up watching little house on the praire decides to go do that. Does not happen unless they are seeing sexually explicit television or books or are a victim of abuse.
This makes me furious.
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Avatar_n_tn
Yes last summer I heard my son saying "This is not cool _____, Get off of me" So I went into the bedroom and found them under the blanket and the other boy was on top of my son.  So I called my neighbor right away and we sat the boys down and talked to them both.  We decided that there was going to be no more sleepovers and that when they played together there was to be an adult present.  We "Grandma" was not really keeping an eye on them.  What I am mainly concerned about is the way my son feels about himself now.  Last night befor bed he said "everytime I close my eyes I see it mom, I hope I can forget about it."  He feels shameful and I want him to know that he did nothing wrong and there is nothing to shame but at the same time express how important it is that he tells me if something like this ever happens again.  I am heart broken that I have to ask my 8 year old sexual questions that he is not ready to answer.
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Avatar_f_tn
I want to apologize for sounding like I was angry at you. I can not stand to see children abused and it is abuse for a child to be introduced to sexually explicit things. You came on here for help with your son and I didnt mean for my post to be so angry sounding towards you. Its not you I am angry at.
Please make sure your son knows he is ok, and he is loved. Let him know someone treated him badly, but thats all it was. This does not define him.
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535822_tn?1389452880
then dont talk about it sometimes the least said is the best way .. distraction is a good way , make sure he is kept busy so the subject finally drops, you are aware now I am sure its not going to happen again , time to let go.
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Avatar_n_tn
No one is more upset than me and no apology need.  Thank you for your advice
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