Is my 3 yr. old normal?

[wenny15]

I have a 3and a half year old daughter. She is currently in speech for a severe articulation delay ( I can only understand about 15% of what she says. She shows no interest in potty training although Lord knows I've tried. She has severe tantrums; screaming, throwing things, hitting, and the list goes on. She tends to be high strung and very sensitive. At school they tell me she has a lot of trouble controlling her volume and other impulse issues. She also is behind; can't hold or cut with scissors, can't trace a line, won't attempt a simple puzzle, and rarely tries to eat with utensils. She thinks innapropriate things are funny and so forth and so on. Any ideas what could be going on with her?

[chigirl29]

Sometimes three year olds don't want to potty.  I don't think that using scissors incorrectly and the inability to trace a line at 3 indicates a problem.  She has a speech problem and that probably frustrates her.  I would be high strung and sensitive too.  Just relax and enjoy her age--three is three--a pain in the rear and then it is gone forever.  And you will be wishing that she was three again.  Be consistent with your punishments. Also, three is very young to be in school all day.  Spend a little time playing with the puzzle with her or drawing with her.  Do whatever she likes to do.  It sounds like she needs attention.
Of course she has impulse issues at school. She is forced to compete with other children for attention and communication and she cannot communicate as quickly or as well as the other children. This can cause her to act out in order to get that attention and time to communicate.

I'm not looking down on you.  You are probably working and doing your best.  However, she needs more of your attention and less time at school.  That is just my opinion.

[wenny15]

I'm sorry I wasn't clear. She is in school only 3 hours a day and that is part of her speech therapy. The speech pathologist said because of the severity of her delay it would be beneficial to her to be around other kids for correct speech modeling. Other than that she is with me all the time. I am a stay at home mom and have been since before my 6 year old was born. Both of my girls are wonderful and beautiful children and I enjoy being their mother. They are both miracles in my eyes. My concern for my youngest is out of love. I just don't see her doing the same things that other 3 year olds are doing. I feel that your comment was a little out of line because you assumed things that I didn't include in my post instead of asking me. My child gets plenty of my attention and tons of love. She is not lacking in the mommy department. I'm just concerned and thought that if there was an issue it would be better if caught early rather than late. I didn't know I would be criticized for being concerned about my childs well being.

[chigirl29]

I am sorry, but you did not state anything other than that she was in school.  I wasn't criticizing you, and I stated that.  I am sorry that you felt that way.

I think she is normal.  I think her speech delay is causing her anxiety, and I think that will get better in time.

Our children are about the same ages and that is why I gave my opinion.

Take Care.

[savik]

I agree with chigirl.  Children can potty train up to the age of four.  Using utensils is not mandatory for a child of three.  If you are lax in your discipline responses,it can cause her to react the way you described.  If you only understand 15% of what she says, how much do you think her teacher understands?  I don't believe that children need to be around peers for normal speech development.  There is no proof that it helps.  Millions of homeschoolers are proof of that.  Effective communication is what will help her, and you are her best effective communicator.  If you want to socialize her with other children, try playdates to the park or invite children to your home.  Your child does not have to be in daily care even part time to be socialized.  I don't think the other poster was being rude to you.  You posted on an opinion board asking if your child is "normal"  You are forcing her to meet milestones--ridiculous ones like focusing on puzzles--when she has a speech delay.  You are creating anxiety in your child.  You should relax and just let her develop at her own pace.  I think she is a normal three year old with a speech delay.  

[wenny15]

I posted to ask for advice not to be judged for being concerned about my child. Why doesn't anyone understand that? Also I am not lax in discipline responses. My children do not get their way by throwing fits. I am not forcing her to meet milestones. She hits them when she does. I do not force her to do things that I know she isn't capable of yet. I love my children and have gone through so much just to be alive today to be with them and take care of them including beating cancer when I was only 22. Why does it seem that the only responses I am getting are people telling me I'm doing everything wrong when all I want is some support? But thanks for helping me to see that no one knows me or my children like I do.

[momagain59]

I would have her evaluated by a Pediatric Developmental Specialist if you can find one in your area that your insurance will cover. A pro-active Pediatrian will work also. She sounds alot like my son who is now 6 years old. He has had Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Speech Therapy.
The more services you can provide her, the better off you will both be. It is really frustrating to be in your shoes but it sounds like you have the right attitude to get through this. Even though my son's diagnosis keeps changing and I don't always agree with the specialist or the school, I always push to see what kind of services they will provide him with. The diagnosis is not what is important to me anymore, but it does allow for insurance to cover different services. It is so stressful to parent a child with special needs, especially when you don't know what they are yet. I learn something else everyday about my son and I think his special needs have made us closer than we would have been if he were a typical child. God Bless you and yours.

[wenny15]

Thank you so much. I cannot tell you what it means to have someone reply with some advice instead of judgements. No one seems to understand that I just want what is best for my child. Thank you for seeing that. God bless you and you will be in my prayers.

[chigirl29]

Glad you found a compeer.  I wouldn't want you to leave this forum thinking we are all jerks and horrible to you...you know--for sharing our opinions and apologizing if we have offended.

[24me]

Your daughter sounds a bit like my 2 1/2 yr old. He's not in school yet-I actually fear this because he is so crazy at home. Sometimes I imagine him being kicked out when it comes time! Your daughter doesn't sound like she has behavior problems though, just maybe taking longer to catch up to peers. She sounds normal to me. Kids develop on all sides of the spectrum and some late bloomers are just waiting their turn to shine.
I'm done blaming myself and am trying desperately not to label them. Generally this site is very supportive and helpful. That's why I keep coming back. I actually have to post another question but am not sure which forum to do it on. You'll prob. see it here shortly...

[24me]

just reread your post-she does have the same behaviors as my son. The tantrums throwing and what not. That is so stressful, especially when older children are witness to it and have not behaved that severely when they were that age. I try to reassure my own 6 yr old that my son will eventually outgrow this and become one of her best friends.
In the mean time I have popped out another 100 or so grey hairs!
Good Luck!This too shall pass....

[wenny15]

It is stressful and also good to know that I'm not alone. I also have a 6 year old. She never went through anything like this. She has had no problems at school and has always been ahead of the game. That makes it harder for me because I don't know exactly what average is. Well anyways....I hope things look up for you soon. Good luck to you too. And God bless.

[chigirl29]

If you post your question on the children special needs forum, you might get more answers.  I was just over there and saw many parents who had questions about children and slow development.  

Look on the left side of your screen, there should be a special needs button above maternal and child.

Example: You mentioned motor skills and speech delay in your post.
speech delay and motor skills
2 Replies To view discussion click here
Dec 17 - 888mom
Dec 18 - tiffanylove90
Dec 13 by Sue0527

[momof2greatkids35]

I have a 3.5 son. he sounds like your child. mine was diagnosed with sensory integration. he was also speech delayed. hes been through speech and occupational and right now he is in physical therapy.it helps... im sure if you ask the speech therapist shell guide you, good luck to you im still going through it...everyday its a new challange

[jojolw]

I don't really have any advice to offer, but I do want to say that you are right - NO ONE knows your child better than you do.  If you think there is a problem, then there is.  Whether it is a serious problem or not doesn't matter, the fact remains that you, as her mother, know that something isn't right.  Do what you have to do, take her to specialist, take her out of school, keep her in, but do what YOU feel is right.  It sounds to me like you're doing a fantastic job already, follow your instincts and keep at it!

[momto2miracles]

It's sounds like  she could be on the autism spectrum. You need to have her evaluated by a develpmental pediatrician

[agnes77]

It's really confusing... My  son just turned 3 and he displays similar behavior to your daughters. The worst part is that reading all the comments confuses me even more. It goes from "the child is fine" to "autism spectrum" (a little drastic if you ask me). I've been pulling my hair trying to figure out if there is something wrong with my son and if by reacting early I can help him. He communicates with us, his speech is not very clear at times and doesn't seem to get his point across often making us wonder what he really wants. Other times he can speak very nice and repeats the words clearly. Most of the time he misses "s", he'll say "nake" for a snake and he won't say his name (but reacts to it). He can't hold scissors but simply because he's not allowed to play with sharp objects.
We had him evaluated by Early Intervention but nothing was found. Whenever I express my concern to the pediatrician or his cardiologist (another issue we deal with) they seem to think that each child hits milestones in a little different times and we should not worry ourselves unless Alex doesn't show other signs.
Tantrums are quite bad at times but I think my son's stubbornness comes out if he doesn't get his way right away.
Potty training is non existent. Alex refuses to use his potty but he will ask about the diaper change (with no.2). We’ve been trying to show him potty training DVD’s but he doesn’t even want to watch them.
So as you see...I'm not much help but I'm being told that this is normal and they will eventually grow out of their tantrums (hope it's soon or I'll start throwing some serious once myself) and will catch up with the rest. I bet if you'll look around you'll see a lot of other 3 year olds that are even less capable then your daughter. Sure, lots of kids will be quicker in catching up to things then your daughter (like your older one) but everything comes with time.
I don't want to sound totally ignorant, I do worry too.. but some people take it to extremes and if the child doesn't spell their name by 3 there must be something seriously wrong.
We have his 3 yr old appointment at the pediatrician this week and maybe I can get some answers to what bothers me. Most important trust your instincts ...
We all worry, that's what mothers do !!!

[specialmom]

all children are very different, for sure.  All hit milestones at different times, for sure.  The original poster had a child identical in description to mine and he has sensory integration disorder, a neurological delay.  Delays have nothing to do with intelligence as my son is very smart and ahead of his peers academically.  I didn't over react to issues he was having but as they piled up it was taking a toll on HIM!  We had him evaluated first through his preschool and then privately.  We then started occupational therapy and a program of sensory activities at home.  My son functions very well now and is a different kid.  We work hard on his challenges and have such wonderful success that I encourage any parent that is in the same position that I was, to get an evaluation done.  It never hurts and my son is so much happier.  His confidence is strong and he is able to make friends and learn in his enviroment now.  
agness77, I'd say that if you have had him evaluated and are told nothing is wrong, I would just watch him and see how things go.  It can be readdressed if he gets in school and he isn't coping well.  In the mean time, every child's nervous system can be helped if they are given lots of physical activity and "heavy work".  This means ---  get him outside and running, jumping, skipping, kicking soccer balls, climbing, sliding and swinging.  Jump into pillows at home or lay lots on the ground and have him crawl through them (we play mouse looking for his cheese).  Have him carry some books, move a chair with you, vacuem with you, push a laundry basket with clothes in it across the floor, etc.  All of this is organizing to the brain.  Sometimes tantrums happen just because it is the age or inability to communicate or handle frustration which is very normal.  My sons meltdowns were due to discomfort from sensory issues.  He had the other kind of meltdowns too but they are different.  
Oral activities are also soothing and good for nervous system and speech, drink thick liquids through a straw or blow bubbles, etc.  
Good luck and when it comes to making sure your child is on the right track, do what is in your heart.  

[wenny15]

I am happy to report that my daughter is doing much better! Two years ago I couldn't imagine things getting so much easier. She just started kindergarten and her teacher says they have only had a few times when they couldn't understand her. She has been in speech for 3 years now and her communication level is so much better.

She is still very sensitive and throws fits alot. Normally over silly stuff. I have started using a technique that didn't work when she was smaller, but it works now. I tell her she can throw a fit, but she has to do it in her room. To which she normally responds NO NO NO. Then I say you have to stop and she normally does.

She finally potty trained a week before her 4th birthday. Man, I didn't think that day would ever come. Honestly, this sounds terrible, but I told her if she didn't use the potty like a big girl then she couldn't have a big girl party and that was the end of our diaper days!

By the way, her nervous system was underdeveloped when she was born and she did have some sensory problems so I wasn't just worrying for no reason. There were real issues there, but luckily she seems to be growing out of them. She loves school and is blossoming right before my eyes.

We have found out since my original post that she does have a major health problem, but that has not affected her learning and growth. It is something we will have to deal with later on down the road with surgeries and drug therapy, but it was not a factor in her development.

So to all you mothers dealing with these same issues....follow your instincts. You know your child better than anyone. If you think something is wrong get an evaluation and if you still disagree get a second opinion. God bless!

[specialmom]

Thanks so much for the update!  I'm so glad your daughter is doing well.  We've been going through some of the same things the past couple of years as my son is also 5 and just started kindergarten.  He too is doing very well.  In our case, it was early intervention that helped him progress.  I also am a stickler about our sensory activities.  He is a bundle of energy----  so we go go go all the time to help keep him regulated.  

I'm sorry, however, to hear about your daughters other diagnosis.  That is always difficult on a parent let alone a kid.  Good luck with that.

I don't expect every day at school to be perfect but getting off to a good start like this wasn't something I imagined two years ago!  
Take care!